hay guys I think i need to be more alpha...

To be honest i would say pretty alpha male already.
I'm a boxer, I take charge and lead my friends, people look up to me and see me out for help in all sorts of situations, if theres a problem I sort it, I live my life by my own standards and I really do live in my own reality, but...

Im a very caring person at heart, I tend to put people before myself, people love me for it but sometimes i feel I'm giving off the wrong signals.

any advice?

thanks lovable rouge!

Try reading the E-book John by John Alexander - How to become an alpha male (not sure if thats the exact title) has tips on bevahiour, body language etc.

You guys agree?

I've grown to hate the whole concept of 'alpha' in the last few months. I think that it's an outdated notion that has no real place in the world of intelligent, thinking people. In my experience (both from my own life and just from observing those around me in social situations), it puts guys in a competitive mindset (which is, ironically, thoroughly unalpha) and makes them insecure as to their actual position in their social group.

Just going on your post it sounds as if your worries are to do with your own inherent alphaness or lack thereof. What I have to point out is that the whole idea of 'alpha' is not an objective thing. You can't be more alpha by changing the way you act or behave (although certain changes in your behaviour can affect your social-group position over time). Essentially what I'm saying is that 'alpha' has nothing to do with your actual behaviour (being more dominant, assertive etc) but to do with your perceived position in any given group of people. Therefore, it's pointless to try to seem more 'alpha' by acting more (for want of a better word) manly.

Being aware of the whole notion of alpha has a danger of becoming overly concerned with trying to manipulate a given social situation rather than with being the best possible YOU you can be. It comes from the inherent competitivness in the concept. Stop basing your thinking around other people and your interpretation of the general social group's perception of you and start developing yourself and your lifestyle so that (rather than being perceived as the most desirable male in a given group of people) you are a naturally desirable male regardless of whether there are even other people around.

As for your worries that being caring will negatively affect your chances in any way. Don't worry, it won't. If anything it will improve them. As long as it's not "nice" or "caring" for supplicant reasons (i.e. in the hope of getting something in return such as sex or, the slightly more abstract, social approval) and you are just being genuinely selfless, it's a good thing.

Hope this helps anyway

From now on I'm gonna THINK before I just start posting everything that comes into my head

Putting people before yourself is fine, women love when a man puts himself infront of danger to protect them, your values seem to be fine too! I don't see whats the problem. You don't NEED anything, eliminate that word! use more careful language, but thats the only thing i can see thats wrong!

put more info

_________________
Back, starting over as of 2012.

Simple: stop trying.

Men have a natural tendancy to compare and contrast. Look at the subject of your pots: "ULTIMATE alpha." There in lies my point, you are comparing yourself to others. Your asking how you can be top ranked, how to out do others.

Lets digress for a moment. Fuck being alpha, why not just be, and be happy at that. Just go out there and enjoy yourself, with out your ego telling you you need to be #1 or "ultimate."

With that being said, do you really think the ultimate alpha tries to be the ultimate alpha? Respect others, respect yourself, and have a good time.

A minor thought

If you're even thinking about it, you're actually pushing yourself further away.

Being an alpha has to do with your inner belief systems. Focus on concepts like not seeking validation, or having a mindset of abundance, and being an alpha male becomes an afterthought.

well said!

It's nothing wrong in putting other people first...

Just don't do it in a way that diminishes your own value.
Let people know that you do this because you are a compassionate being...


If the girl feels safe with you because of your physical attributes.
If she still feels you are able to keep up the sexual tension, not releasing it out of misplaced care, which is probably the most well sprung trap for you.
And she also sees your ability to take care of those that mean something to you, this comes back to the safety.

She'll see you as strong, safe and also sexual... which is a good thing.
The alpha.

Now I'm not going to tell you to go out and start boxing, because you said you already do

What I suggest you do is work a little more at the flirting, the teasing.. keeping her on edge.
It has nothing to do with kindness or such.
And it's not a cruel thing just because they may say so.

Look to their body for clues on whether they like it or not.
A girl saying "Oh, you're mean..." in a flirting tone and with a smile, you shouldn't take that seriously.
She will know, or find out, that you are a strong caring person, which is not bad.

So I suggest, again, work a little more with the tension, suggestions, teasing the girl...
And since you are the leader of men, show it, relax into the position..
Take 30 days to focus on the way you convey yourself through body-language.
Make sure it shows your attributes, both the physical ones, and the mental stability you should have, because if the girl sees you like a leader, relaxed among your friends, strolling nonchalantly up to the bar or wherever she is, turning your head deliberately, noticing her, and whip out an opener.. She will most probably go for it, because of the values you have already conveyed.

From there on out it's just riding the wave and keeping the convo going, dodging shit tests and whatever

So, work on that part,
Body Language, reinforce it,
and
Sexual tension and flirting.

Secrets of the Alpha Male -- Carlos Xuma; an excellent read for improving your inner-alpha male

As for thinking you're not as "alpha" or whatever by showing compassion to others, allow me to direct to you, lovable-rogue... my absolute favorite verse from "The Wisdom of Einstein"

Cooperation: A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other people, living and dead and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.

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Once again, being an "alpha" or a "natural" isn't a behavior. Being alpha is not something you do, its something you are. It has to do with your belief systems, particularly the rejection of limiting beliefs, having a winning mindset, and having the consistent courage to pursue and do the things that you really want to do. It has NOTHING to do with the overwhelming majority of stereotypes about alpha males.

There are no "Ten Funky Steps For Being An Alpha".

#1. Always go direct.
#2. Get in a fight.
#3. Lift lots of weights.
#4. Be an asshole.
#5. Wear an Affliction shirt.
#6. Involve yourself in an "extreme" sport.
#7. Always remember who is number one.
#8. Use patented "alpha male body language".
#9. Don't show compassion for others.
#10. Always show dominance over beta males.

All this stuff is bullshit, but its stuff that you actually do hear in these kind of discussions. Many of the most alpha guys do literally none of those things. In fact, most of these things are ego-based, arbitrary nonsense that only exist to create a patch over some inner weakness or insecurity.

Hmm if I had to make a "Funky Steps" list, I would list things like...

#1. Being a self validating person. Not relying on the validation of others for your sense of self worth.
#2. Having compassion for others, but not allowing them to take advantage of you or use you as a doormat. You have clear boundaries in terms of what is appropriate behavior from others.
#3. Having the courage to act on your own intentions. You see what you want in life, and you take it. Keep in mind that intentions don't mean impulses, neuroses, compulsions, or fears.

There are lots more things I could list, but I won't at this time. There is already too much disagreement over even the definition of "alpha male".

In conclusion, I just want to say that "the self ultimately shines through". That means that if you are a weak or insecure person, no amount of techniques, asshole behavior, or patented "alpha male body language" is going to be able to permanently hide it. On the other hand, if you are a strong and confident person, those qualities will be sub communicated regardless.

Hahaha. There's a massive difference between being an asshole and an alpha male.

I hope you read my whole post I said there are no "Ten Funky Steps For Being An Alpha".

Guru is on the right track here.

The community is so focused on mimicking the symptoms of being an "alpha male".

If you really want to do it you need to change your most basic instincts... you need to change the way you think and thus the way you respond.

I wear afliction shirts and have gone sky diving. I'm 2/10 alpha!