Alright, so I realised the other day that I have a sticking point when it comes to talking to girls during sex. Last night, It held me back from sealing the deal with a very nice girl, she didn't seem comfortable enough to go all the way. I had her shirt off and her pants were on the way, after fingering her for a little bit she said she didn't feel very good and wanted to do this when she felt better. There were a couple of moments that seemed like red flags to me.

1. She said I was really quiet and asked if I was alright (while making out)
2. She said I was being serious (on her bed)
3. She told me she didn't like eye contact (while making out)

It seems like there is still a barrier between us, it was my first time hooking up with a girl in a LONG time... so pretty understandable. I can tell she likes me because she told me I was really hott and calls me, texts me, invites me over etc. She also told me she's never had a guy in her bed before and she hasn't done anything sober (not drunk) in a long time. She's also extremely hot and REALLY cool. We were very high while all this was going down, she also had a pretty bad hangover from the other night. I'm sure that had something to do with the whole situation because she said she was feeling sick from all the action, But I think she really wanted to feel more comfortable with me before we went all the way. I ended up hanging out with her for awhile and watching TV while she fell asleep on top of me.

I'm a 20 year old college student and she's the same age as me. I've had this problem before when I was in highschool. I started fooling around with one of my good friends and everything started to get way too "serious", almost like it was a burden. Before long (1 week), she bailed and left me with the worst blue balls ever. Seriously... I didn't even make out with a girl for at least another year or 2 AND she never finished me off She told me that all I wanted from her was sex and I tried to tell her how I felt... I'm sure you all know how that went.

So my question is this, How do I talk to girls when things are heating up. I don't have much sexual experience (Only 1 F Close.... lame I know) but I'm finally starting my cycle of sucess (Good Job, more girls, more friends... I've come a LONG way since highschool). Most of the stuff I ended up saying sounded like they were straight from the mouth of your typical AFC. I was saying stuff like - I think ur really hot. Or when she said Im not big on eye contact, it seems to be your thing... I replied... Yea, Sometimes. - Anyways, the important thing is I was practically putting MYSELF to sleep. How do I tell a girl she's really hot and sexy while turning her on at the same time? How should I talk to a girl when I'm making out with her, going down on her etc? How can I get her laughing to lighten the mood? I want to be having fun while everythings going down... but I need a little help. I don't want to have a boring sex life, I need to start spicing things up. I'm a very passionate person (filmmaker, musician) and without some quality loving... I feel like I'm gonna die.

first i would like to know how you plan to talk with her while making out?

sex is an amazing experiance and it saddens me with all the perversion and secrecy it recieves.

You say your a passionate person, and i found that unless the girls like being spoken dirty too, actions speak louder then words. If you look uncomforatable or creepy the girl is going to back off.

If you are in the moment and enjoying yourself, the girl will go along with it as long as you control the situation.

I love to tease the girl, turn her on and then just stop, then start again, then stop...untill there is no resistance.

after a date, ill invite a girl inside, use the old...i have to go to work early so you cant stay long. ill turn her on, get her to the point where she wants me and roll over and say i need to go to sleep now. ill let her try to tease me into playing some more..then ill play some more, then ill stop and say i really need to get to bed.

none of this will work if your not comfortable, i know nervousness will be an issue, but relax and let your hands do the talking.

_________________
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

Haha good point, I guess you can't really talk and make out at the same time. I see what your saying, when I think back I wasn't doing any start then stop stuff. I should try that next time, It would have been nice to have a breather lol. We stoped once in the middle of everything and that's how I got her to go even farther. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with girls, after the whole thing in High School I sort of stopped talking to them. Thanks a lot for pointing out the start stop thing, I've heard that before but never thought about how important it is untill now.

Telling a girl that she's hot is not a good way of creating attraction...
Telling her that she looks so hot when she's riding you, is another thing.


I got the question once from a girl; "why aren't you making noises when you fuck me?"
up to that point I didn't see the point... She moaned and I loved it when girls let out little signs of pleasure, but I didn't think as far as to realize that goes both ways...

In bed should never become too serious...
Of course, making feet for children shoes is pretty serious, but it's not that serious.

Take it lightly, have fun with it.
after all, this should be a comfortable situation for both, so why not be completely in an alpha state, consider the world your own amusement park, and laugh when she lets out a pussyfart or other stuff that would make her blush like a schoolgirl peeking into Playgirl magazine.

Her not liking eye-contact however... that one is a bit odd, but my guesses is that she is not completely comfortable with you, in that case... it may be low self-esteem, but I bet it's gonna pass in no time as you become more frequently intimate... (I assume you are.)
Some girls do prefer kissing with eyes closed, and some will tilt if you look at other things while kissing... So, just go with her banter, and try not to stare while you smother her with your loving kisses



I'm going to assume something here:

Mostly this stuff comes down to your frame.. Your image of what the relation is between the two of you.
If you see her as a woman you have to win over in order for you to gain access to the holiest... well, that might just become a bit boring.

If you see yourself as the Casanova, the object of desire, and she as another playmate, just there for your enjoyment, and hers. The Mutual frame, that she wants sex as badly as you do, or even worse Well...

I'll trail off a bit here;
Human beings are very sensitive to their role in any given interaction.
If you do not immediately assign roles, the other person will... This is unconscious, so don't go "fuck, I don't want to play the tree again, I did that last time"... or well, you could go; "Ok, my turn at being desired", if you do it in a playful manner, but that would indicate that she is the desired to begin with.

So, if you choose to assign people roles in any given situation, this is also called frames, they will perhaps try to challenge the role assigned, and aspire to other roles, but then it comes down to who has the strongest frame.

so If you really believe, and act, as though the girl is the most sex-crazed kitten you've ever been with, she will sense that, and if you keep it up, she just might prove to become that character that you assigned her.


The world is a theater... your theater... and we are all just actors on the stage.

So... What you can do is find some movies with roles that portray this passionate lover you want her to see you as, and take the essentials from them, their way of thought, their world-image, and make that your own.
It just might prove more powerful than you might think it to be.

Oh, and remember, if you do play the Casanova... Do try to separate the AFC from the quality stuff...
Don't go for the idiot approach of giving her everything..
Leave a little mystery to be unsolved.
Take a few hints from the PUA inner game.


Hope you find some help here.


Cheers