This has been a major issue for me lately. I will always think negatively, especially with friends, women, etc. i would interpret their actions in a negative way to make it look like they dont like me, they are trying to ignore me, etc.

example.
i ask a girl to lunch, never set a time, text the day before and ask when she wants to eat and she says that she will text me back in a bit because she is out eating at the moment. now i would interpret that as her saying, im going to ignore this and think of something to to not go. then if they give me a time then i would think she is going because of pity.

yeah. its a really big problem that mind fucks me. its shitty.

The best thing to do is first evaluate your thoughts as positive, neutral (eg "that apple is green") or negative.

Then everytime you think of a negative one, find a positive to it.

E.G Your car has broken down in the summer. Instead of being pissed that its broken, think "Well at least I get some time in the sun whilst waiting for the mechanic to come".

Do this for 30 days and it'll become a fantastic habit.

Dro

Here's how I did it: the-rocky-method-for-positive-re-framing-vt34717.html

Ask your brain if it can just let it go. If it says no, then ask, would you rather feel shitty? It will probably say no. Now watch as you dissolve yourself of all negativity. It could take some practice, or it could work instantly. -cshadyp

This may take a few minutes to read but its an incredible story. Not completely sure if i believe this is actually a real life tru story, but it doesn't much matter. The story and the man of the stroy are very inspiring and admirable.

It's similar to 870's Rocky story.


John is the kind of guy you love to hate....

He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood." Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life" I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything.

'Yes, I replied.'

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

_________________
For me life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.


Johnny Chase

10-day positivity Challenge.

For 10 days, think only positive.
If a negative thought enters your mind, don't hold on to it, either let it go, or reframe it into something positive.

If you find yourself having a negative thought for more than 2 minutes, restart at day 1.


Learning to reframe things into a positive, like the man in funeguy's story, is a skill that can be learned by anyone.
Life is choices, emotions are neurochemical responses. They are yours, you can alter them or remove them, or even better, listen to yourself, find out why they are there, let them go, and fix the problem.

Some believe that emotions and feelings are communications from your unconscious to your conscious. So, listen to them, and fix whatever it is to be fixed (such as a headache, you might find that it is simply your mind telling you to drink more water.. which is almost always the case when I have headaches.)
If the negative emotion is there because you're brooding in the past, let it go.
Learn what is to be learned from experiences and let them go.
There is absolutely no clear positive effects from thinking about how your ex-girlfriend dumped you, when you in stead could go out, meet new girls, not make that mistake again, and give yourself a lot of fun times instead.

To me, learning to reframe experiences into the positive has been some of the best skills I have acquired so far in this life.


Cheers.

you are damn right!

I think I can help since I used to be like that. Just let go... get hobbies and stuff (in fact dont... remeber what stuff you used to enjoy doing by urself) in that case... even if someone tells you they dont want to go to lunch with you right now you think great!!! I can go catch up with myself or someone else! Just remember every time that someone asked you to go somewhere and you weren't feeling up to it... thats all it is... if you see it as that (which in all likelyhood is all it is)... you will no longer take it as a personal threat.

Thing is... even if the person is saying no even though they dont have a good reason... sometimes people simply get sick of each other and they need time off... its nothing personal. If youve known someone for a long time and you do a lot of stuff together... then that should be an indication that they have nothing against you they either really have something else to do or they just need time off.

cognitive biases are ways in which the mind is inclined to mistakes of logic.

fundamental attribution error
is the way the mind is inclined to overemphasize dispositional explanations and underemphasize environmental explanations of behaviour of others.

in your example you've chosen to assume an unverified disposition in favour of a given environmental reason.

research shows mood state can influence cognitive biases. and this would seem consistent with your statement over treating friends and acquaintances alike and also that this is more of a problem lately.

simply trying to think more positively may help a little but it's not dealing with the root cause. whatever that is.

The Inner Critic is that pernicious little voice inside your head that constantly carps, complains
and condemns. It is the voice that sows doubt – ‘Yes... but.... supposing. You’re rubbish at that
you know you are. It will all go wrong, it always does!’
If you let thoughts such as these go unchallenged you give the Inner Critic the power to destroy
your confidence and lower your self-esteem. You must learn to tell it to shut up, stop being silly
and go away. Then change the thoughts to something positive.
This is the second of the Four Steps, Thought Stopping. It can be used in any instant, and has
an immediate effect. This way you may not prevent negative thoughts entering your mind, but
you can render them powerless.

Step 1. As you listen in on your self-talk, step back and observe. Ask yourself. ‘Why am I thinking
that thought? Where is it taking me? Does it help me feel confident?’

Step 2. When you become aware of a negative thought, use Thought Stopping. Interrupt the
unwanted thought by saying firmly. ‘No!’ ‘Stop!’ ‘Go away!’ ‘Delete!’ or some other word
or phrase of your choice. Do this silently or aloud (out loud is best, if circumstances permit).

Step 3. The mind is not a vacuum; you cannot not think. Moreover, you can only think one
conscious thought at a time (if you don’t believe me, try thinking two thoughts at once –
impossible!). So once you’ve dispensed with the unwanted thought immediately replace it
with another, to prevent another unwanted thought popping into your conscious mind.
If you can’t think of an appropriate thought immediately, use an affirmation, such as:
‘I like myself.’
‘I am a strong and worthy person.’
‘I’m perfect just as I am.’

Step 4. Now take the Thought Stopping technique a stage further. As you detach yourself from an
unwanted thought, simultaneously stomp your feet, pinch yourself, slap your thigh or bang
on a table etc. Be sensible: obviously there are times and places when this is inconvenient,
or even dangerous, so use your discretion.

Step 5. Try this alternative form of Thought Stopping. When you notice a disempowering thought,
have a good snigger to yourself: just laugh at its nonsense. Say, ‘So you’re the thought? Ha!
Ha!’, or ‘Oops! There goes another one!’ Then allow yourself a warm inner smile.

Step 6. Make yourself very comfortable, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes. take a few
deep breaths and imagine there is a little person sweeping up the doubting, anxious, useless,
self-deprecating thoughts into a pile of dust in the centre of your head. When they’re all
swept up, ‘blow’ the dust out of your mouth and ‘watch’ it disperse into the SPAM.
Affirm to yourself that the negative thoughts won’t trouble you again. Notice how you
feel. This works particularly well when you are stressed or anxious.

Step 7. When you first use the Four Step Formula you will encounter resistance. Your subconscious wants
to hang on to existing habits, because this is how it’s designed to operate. If it tries to sabotage
your progress for instance, by making you feel as if you’re lying to yourself, don’t let it!
It takes about a month to change a thinking pattern permanently, so keep at it, be patient
and don’t castigate yourself if you slip up. There’s no point in replacing one negative
thought with another.

David L Preston