what the fuck?! this is seriously screwing with me!



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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:44 pm 
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ok, so saturday night i finally manage to get this girl back to my place.
things escalate and we're having sex... but she never had an orgasm. she's only had one twice before, and even with a shitload of foreplay and oral and over an hour of solid fucking (i had a fair bit to drink which seems to make me last for days) she still didnt have one.

she kept on reassuring me that i'm amazing etc etc and that everything is feeling amazing and all that crap but would then say that she just cant let go, or something to that effect.

at first i thought that she was holding herself back, because i've had a few girls before who'd manage to keep themselves from having an orgasm and then at the end when they do have one it's supposedly mindblowing... but that theory kinda got pushed aside when she didnt come at all.

this is really fucking with my mind now because i KNOW i'm great in bed and i couldn't get her to have one orgasm... which sucks.

i tried everything i could think of and even my best bag of tricks wasnt doing it for her.

what the fuck is the problem?!
i have no idea what's going on here...


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:52 pm 
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technique is only a tiny bit of good sex, it has a lot to do with trust and romance. Don't worry about it, it is more to do with her than you. However, if she is a regular lay/gf you should chat about it with her and try building romance (meal, massage etc etc).

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:57 pm 
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nah, it was our first time having sex, but she's been into me for ages.
it seemed like she was holding herself back... and my overactive mind is getting the best of me.
i'm starting to think that she might be a squirter... and i dont want to find out the hard way.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:05 pm 
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yeah she may be self-conscious or be over thinking things on her end (does he think I am a slut etc etc).

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:38 pm 
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In my experience one of the key-factors for a woman to experience orgasm is that she feels comfortable.
Unless she is completely comfortable in your arms it will be harder for her to orgasm.

If you have her over again, take your time, perhaps start with a relaxing massage, no pressure. Do the whole Kama-Sutra ritual with baths, massage, kisses and relaxing environment, scents, etc.

What is also needed is a tension, a sexual tension to be specific.
This may be triggered by different factors in women.
Some need to feel dominated, some I have experienced have only been able to orgasm by getting oral.

If she's hardly ever experienced orgasm, it may be a good idea to start by giving her a clitoral orgasm, before even attempting to let her have a vaginal one.

David Shade has a brilliant method for clitoral stimulation, but you need a fair squirt of lube. (it involves direct stimulation of the unhooded clit, which is very, very sensitive, thus the lube.)
It's called the welcome method. You'll find it in David Shade's Manual.

btw. I doubt she's a squirter, or at least, I doubt that is the problem.
But if you want to find out, you probably know how to give a girl a g-spot orgasm.... just don't go there straight away, take time to build with clitoral, and deeper vaginal stimulation.

I presume she is able to come on her own ?

Most girls I know come much easier if they can play with themselves at the same time as I'm fucking them.... With more than one girl the best position has been what I've heard called the orgasm-position, or side-by side position. (where she lies on her side, with her back to you, her shoulders tilted a bit so you can kiss, keep eye contact, or such. and you are on your side, with her closest leg over your thighs.. It's kinda hard to explain, but it leaves her legs spread and unhindered access to her pussy from the front, so it's easier for either of you to finger her.)


But anyway; start out with clitoral orgasm: It may help to stimulate her nipples too, (produces oxytocin). and then move on to vaginal (this is easiest to achieve with your fingers deep in her, stimulating the deep spot (look it up, anterior fornix) ) and then move on to such as g-spot, anal, etc. ;)

Hope it helps.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:52 pm 
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thanks man, but i know it's not technique.

she just shot a very personal question my way a little earlier, so i asked her what she meant by not being able to let go.

it seems like it might be something with comfort and trust, though it seems like she's trying to deflect that by saying "i dont even really know how to explain it. like i can get very close but then it becomes too much to handle"
i told her that what she said doesnt really make much sense, to which her reply was basically that she was scared and chickened out...

so i'm pretty confused, though the trust and comfort thing seems like a good place to start.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:10 am 
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It's good that you're defining your success with women in terms of orgasms, because, to me at least, that makes sense.

That being said, there's a possibility you got her on the wrong time of the month. I have had that issue before. Everything else is purely physical so if she says it's this or that, ultimately that's just talk.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 1:53 am 
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There's nothing wrong with you dude. A lot of women can't cum the first time with a guy. They're too nervous, self-conscious, feel weird, or as this woman said just can't "let go". Give her a few more times to get used to you and relax, and don't pressure her about orgasming.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 5:27 pm 
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Most guys think they are great in bed....YET... most guys are AWFUL in bed.... Be humble don't be arrogant obviously you're not great in bed...

If you don't know what is wrong and why she hasn't been having orgasms your likely not good in bed as any truly great lover would know what's going wrong.... This is a basic sexual problem that most women have at some point and anyone who is any good at fucking knows this.

Here is an article I wrote that you may enjoy that relates a lot to situations like this: http://scienceofnaturalgame.com/2012/03 ... d-faugasm/

Peace and love,

Vic

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