My biggest problem at the moment is dhv stories as I havent given them much thought until now. This is a dhv story from my life:


That reminds me of the time that I saved my friends life. (hook) well, me and a group of friends went to faliraki one summer; parties, cocktails and watersports. Anyway, one of my friends partied a little too hard one night. We were swimming the next morning when all of a sudden he had a full blown seizure! completly rigid and shaking about in the water. Before I even knew it I had swam the length of the pool, lifted him out of the water and put him into the recovery position, which was crazy because he is a big guy! i just went into autopilot and acted through instinct. I have to admit, it was one of the scariest moments of my life.


please let me know what you think, any critique would be great! id maybe like to add a funny/ witty line at the end, any ideas?

thanks!

_________________
'Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.' Dennis P. Kimbro

Too direct. It's clear you're trying to 'boast' ... to demonstrate value about yourself.

You introduce the story with "this reminds me of the time I saved my friend's life" ... sounds really humble/neutral. NOT.

Change that.

"One of my friends... tough looking guy... he's bloody scared to death of the water. Won't even go for a swim. ... a few months ago I was at a pool party with him [indication of an active party/social/nightlife] and this dude is shitfaced drunk and decides to jump into the pool Well, turns out the fellow has [some medical condition] and he has a freakin seizure in the pool. So one minute I'm chilling, drinking whiskey, and chatting to chicks in bikinis thinking I'm going to have a good night, next second I turn around and [friend's name] is goddamn drowning. So I jump in there and pull his ass out... which wasn't easy considering the guy looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger on steroids [or some other funny/overly dramatic description]... pour the water out of his lungs, and he wakes up and he's fine. By the time all the commotion is over, the party's over and the women have freaked out and ran home... Got no fucking credit at all... which, then again, probably wasn't a bad thing considering how drunk they were."

Or something to that effect. It's written in the way I speak, so I guess you'd adjust it to your style of speech, but that's the main thing. You should never make the 'boastful' parts of your story too clear. You still have the same facts in there. You've also said (without looking like your boasting): Multiple women were talking to you, you're an athletic guy, you go to fun parties, and it's not like you're desperate to get laid with some shitfaced drunk girl [last line]. There's many variations, but always keep it where the actual points that you want to make are thrown in casually. Then it sounds like a real story, not you bragging.

Yeahh dude. You don't want to seem like your trying to impress her and shit. Play with the storry a lil bit.