Ok thx... I see one of my mistakes... forcing the number heheh and meeting with another girl

Not a problem, glad I could help!

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey, J

I've been talking to this girl over facebook and texting who thinks I'm really hot and wants to hang out and stuff. The only problems is she's a little shy and it's hard to get her to express and open up to me over texting. even though she'll text me up at least twice a week asking me "how its going?" I don't want to meet up with her, having nothing to talk about...

So my question is, what kind of question shld/can I ask her to get her to open up to me, so are conversations are more interesting because I'm starting to get bored of her...

btw, if it helps she's 16 HB7 and I'm 17

Hey Crown3,

That's awesome you are at the point of texting with her and she's interested in you. Sounds like you have done a good job of building attraction and escalating things. I know what you mean about getting bored with someone like that I've been there before.

I'm not the best with text game but I am pretty good at building comfort which it sounds like what you want. Since you want to get her to open up. I would highly consider trying to get her talkng on the phone, because text messages are usually brief.

I would ask her open ended questions that will get you the biggest response you can have. I actually just wrote a lot about comfort building on my blog and some tactics for it, you might want to check that out as well. Anyways, here are some examples of questions you can ask to try and get her to open up.

"What was growing up like for you?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"If you could do anything at all without thinking about money or education what would you do?"

"Tell me about your favorite vacation you have been on?"

"If you could be any celebrity who would you be, and why?"

Remember when you get the answers you need to find things in these answers you can identify with and show her that. So that way you two build a "connection" with her and she gets more comfortable. The more comfortable she gets the more she'll open up.

After gaining this extra comfort and going through a few of these try to get her on a date with you. When you do make sure you are doing something like playing pool, at the mall, arcade, etc. That way you have something to do, and don't have to have forced conversation. Plus it's more fun!

Hope it helps you out. Have Fun!

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey nice thread J, I skimmed thru a ton of it but cant read it all, so some of this will be repeat questions im sure..

I just got introduced to zoosk, which I think is probably a lot like a lot of fish. You have a real short profile, just a main pic and up to five other pics (I have an attractive head shot of me for the main, then pics of me with beautiful women and dressed up/peacocked, out with the guys, and in a zorro costume as well as dancing disco on top of a bus in the center of a giant street party), a user name, info on your height and age (must give), star sign (automatically fills), and things like education level, religion (spiritual), political views (other), children and relationship status (left latter blank).

Then you have a real short space, like a paragraph, where you can write about yourself.

After that, you surf thru all the pics and you can wink, or give really corny canned oneliners, or actually write something to the girl which I do every time.

So my questions.

1) the first flirt can only be about two sentences long, it is rather short so no long sentence either =P What are some good general ideas? Ive tried cocky funny with limited success, complimenting a girl on her looks/whatever is usually a total deadend, situational openers based on her pic usually work well, but not everybody has something good to comment on, and now I am going to try out getting them to qualify directly (you are cute, what else is there nice about you to interest a guy like me? etc..). Do you have any other good ideas?

2) the paragraph about yourself, here i have really tried to change it around, trying cocky funny, DHV stories, flat out describing myself as Mr Right (got a TON of hits from older women that way, but...), and various mixes and whatever. Nothing really gets a ton of flirts, tho maybe thats just the natural level of things.. Any good ideas what to put here? Right now I changed it to "Wouldn't you like to know.. "


3) the username.... ive been using my real name so far "Ian" which has only resulted in one conversation. Just switched it to Mr. Awesome. Good idea, bad idea?


Thanks for answering, looking forward to cleaning up my online game a bit! =)

That really sucks. You might seriously consider finding another site because of the limitations of this site. You can't have many pictures or anything. Anyways, yeah I have some ideas though.

Here is the thing about using "Situational" stuff in their profile. Most people forget whats in their profile after they write it. I mean in a week if I wanted you to recite what you wrote it'd be hard. These things are tough because the girls doesn't always see the connection.

Complimenting just doesn't really work like you said.

The qualification things isn't a bad idea as it should produce some results.

You could try one of two things I have in mind for you on this one. You can go in "direct" and suave like Zorro. You could say something like. "I was attracted by you, and wanted to see what you were about." I'd normally write more but we don't have much space.

Another idea. Do something like my friend Whoopie does on Facebook. "Fungasm! =) Have you had any fun today?" This comes off the idea you are fun and playful which gives you a great angle to work.
It's hard for guys to get a lot of flirts. The thing is on sites like that the women are being chased because they are outnumbered by men by quite a bit. They are constantly receiveing those quick flirt messages and stuff. It's rare they will flirt with you. You are going to have to go after them.

Don't worry about this too much. Keep it short, and DHV yourself when you can. Don't make it a novel, just a short story! Make sure to describe the type of girl you're looking for and the type of relationship you want in this area. Many guys forget that.
Usernames are a pet pieve of mine actually. I'd change it back, or do something different. For the longest time I was "JSmooth" as my username for obvious reasons. When I met with girls from online several mentioned it made me sound like a player. Then I changed it. Stay away from anything that might hurt you as coming off the wrong way.

I'd go back to "Ian" or something else. Things like "AdventureSeeker" or "Playful Romance" or "Hot Nerd" or something like that is better since it helps describe you. Have fun with it!

GOOD LUCK

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey thanks for the speedy reply, yeah good answers, I can definitely see your points. And yeah, I kinda had an idea that the girls were being swamped, so having gotten some 20 good conversations going in only two weeks, I guess Im doing all right after all. =) Going to try switching some of the stuff like you said, Ill keep ya posted.

Changed my "story" to,

"Fun, outgoing, ready for an adventure and always damn sexy.
Looking for a close friend to match that, in life and in love. "

and changed my name back to Ian. Its a good thing, I was thinking about it even before I read thru these threads as I have never used a nickname (I play far more direct, natural game than anything else), it just doesnt match my personality. And as we all know, incongruencies are BAD.

AWESOME let us know how it goes!

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

hey J.
i appreciate the time u are spending to help us guys.
anyway i wnt to know a couple of things.

i have been talking to this girl for couple of days. weeks actually we talked so much that FACEBOOK actually blocked HER from messaging. hillarious. we used the wall since. anyway i already gave her my no by saying this after a couple of days. this is what happened.
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ME:Hey do you like kids? I want to get a xmas present for my little brother .... I think I want to get him a book, or maybe a darker version of KITTY. lol do they still have those? We should meet up and you can help me pick one out, I could definitely use a female opinion. Wait, you're not a crazy stalker person are you?

HER:lol haha....im sorry man its over i can deal with this nemore

um......

no i hatem. and no im normal as ...okay im not normal but im no stalker.....r u?

ME:lol You're adorable, so adorable in fact that I've decided I'm going to adopt you as my new little sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our time together climbing trees and drinking kool-aid Very Happy Actually you do seem like a cool, down to earth girl so I'm gonna trust you and give out my number... (989) xxx-xxxx... send me a text today so I have yours and I'll let you know when I plan on going... and don't worry I have no desire to stalk anyone and I promise to never call you more than 562 times a day :p

HER:lol hahahahaha..........yeah i no longer have a cell...long story


so that means i can no longer text

omg u have made my life long dream finally come true

i have always wanted a big brother!!
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i am going to post a whole page of the convo in a new thread.

Then i found out she knows my friend. then i invited her to go sledding with me and him after a while. she was busy. i mean the conversation is going so well. i always manage to do the right thing. she keeps on giving me lol's and hahaha's. bt two times of getting rejected, i dont know where to go. i have this thing comming up where we will be meeting up to celebrate the ending of exams and stuff. should i invite her.

i already asked her what she is doing this weekend?

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ME:lol. u sled when u are a baby? wow! either u have huge dreams or ur parents must be riddiculously outgoing.
i am f tired. had like 3hr of sleep in the last 72hr. what r ur plans this weekend?
PS: u are still a baby! haha. shhh!!! its our dirty little secret.

HER:lol duh im a michigander i was born to sled haah
um i have no idea i never make plans
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so there it is. help. should i invite her? again..? if she says no, then should i like continue talking with her...or should i isolate her by not talking too much or taking a break? make her feel guilty? or should i simply MOVE ON??

I think it might be a great time to break rapport some. You have been talking to this girl for quit a bit. It's great you have this much conversational rapport but she's not calling you yet or going out with you. Which we see as being the symptom. So what is the problem?

The problem is EITHER we are talking to her too much, and she's too nice to tell us.

OR

We have too much comfort and not enough attraction. I can see your false disqualifiers and things in your interactions back and forth. You are being playful but the girl isn't hooking much. Have we done much to DHV ourselves and create attraction though?

It's either way. Honestly I think a combination of doing both is best. We start waiting a few days to contact her back. Let her start to think "Hmm. wonder what's going on." Then we hit her with a DHV story. "You'll never guess what happened to me the other day...." Insert story!

Then if she responds even quickly we wait another day or two and then go back. I wish you had her # and not the other way around. Next time ask for her number. You doing this knows where we are in the process of comfort and attraction building. I can't undo this, all I can help you do is play the hand you dealt yourself the best I can.

Delayed responses, and DHV embedded stories to create attraction and show non-needy behaviour. In the emails talk about being out doing things. That was she knows your not just some online junkie.

GOOD LUCK

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

J,
Thanks for all the advice. What would you say is the best free online dating site. Thanks for your opinion.

alright! i am learning a lot. yay!

this is not so much of a stupid question. how do i go about doing the break point? i mean i am on faebook right. so do i like umm stop replying her even though i reply to other ppl? or should i just completly isolate myself from facebook?? if she sees me online, then it clearly tells her that i am not intrested. is this the point of the break point?

ok. well i met kori at school from one of my friend and added her on facebook. i send her a msg when i added her

Me:"i cant believe u are really cousines"

her: "hey kieth! me and sami are cousins! swearrrr to god! you can ask anyone "

Me: "lol sheesh missy slow down. wait a sec, were you the ME ME ME girl in middle school? i mean i have never seen any two cousin's get along soo well.
u caught my curiosity. so tell me, what was the last thing u did that was totally adventurous!"

then i gt no reply. did i write too much?? should i just talk to her a school? or should i like ask an opinion? or poke her and then when she pokes back i go "didnt ur parents teach u not to poke strangers?"....something like that.

my aim is just to attract her enough to get some social proof in school. maybe more, if i like her but sp for now sounds gd.

I had the most success on Craigslist (Personals), Match, and Yahoo personals. If I had to pick just one I"d say Craigslist because the guys on there are typically openly after sex and write very little. Your ad isn't listed for very long meaning the girls are more apt to respond having just posted the ad. Hardly any of the guy on there have a pic, and there are hot girls on there! You have almost no competition if you write a half way descent ad or response.

I think it's really dependent on the area you live in though. Here in Nashville Match.com would be better than in a town of like 30,000 people or less for the most part.

Great Question.

Later man,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Stay off facebook for a few days. It won't kill you too, and it looks like you are actually out doing something besides sitting at home online all day. Again, just wait for her response and then once you see it don't be on facebook for a while.
I don't think you wrote too much and what you wrote was actually good. I think she might be a little weirded because of how you know her cousin. She might talk to her cousin before talking to you again. Girls get weird like that sometimes. I would talk to her at school.

Don't utilize the poke method mostly because it's for opening and you've already done that at this point.

I can see your goal, and think it's obtainable. Just talk to her at school and go from there.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

I put that in bold as I think it is very important to take note of and to follow. Because for me Craigs List is pretty much nothing but spam ads when it comes to the personals. And when I do find a real ad the girl is usually low quality or not even serious about meeting a guy from Craigs List. So I simply stop using it for the most part. But I have found Plenty Of Fish to work quite well for me a lot more so than Match.