Sup guys, this is my first DHV story and its true. I live in Utah and im a truck driver........ OMG, i had to take a load to New York. It was like 6 million dollars worth of asian herbs, like gensing. Well after 3 days of driving I finally maid it to my drop. Well it was like 2am and they werent gonna unload me until around 8. So,,, I parked on the street infront of this little asian market. Well I set my brakes and look outside f my truck and see 6 asian guys with sunglasses on... It was like 2am.. I thought WTF im gonna get robbed. So I just sat there. Well they never did anything just stood there watching me. So,,, 7:30 came around and the shop owner showed up and started to unload me. I finally asked him about the asian guys and he told me.... You wouldn't guess... He had "aranged" that no one would touch my truck... I think he paid the Triad or mofia to watch me. Next time I go back im gonna take some donuts. Well thats it what do you guys think?

thats not a dhv story dude.
where are the spikes?
the guys werent even protecting you, they were protecting the cargo...

So... What could I do or add to change that. I dont wanna lie but I can change or add small details to help. Add a moral? Toss in a few open threads? Scrap it and use something else? See I thought that I traveled, seen crazy people, and been in some damgerous/ wierd places was DHV specially in utah where most people never leave the state.

in all honesty, i'd probably just scrap that story.

i'm biased though because i dont use scripted dhv stories. i just c&f a lot, which works for me.

you can maybe try saying that they robbed you and beat you up etc and then after a bit say "just kidding, turns out these guys were protecting me and the cargo because we were in a rough neighbourhood" or something like that. it kinda adds some suspense and takes them on a bit of an emotional ride.

Thanks bro, thats what im looking for. Not really scripted just trying to work on delivery. I use some CF but not much cause I tend to come off as an ass in the field but that is why I post here and go out to the clubs 2 nights a week and go to the mall atleast once a week. You rock bro.

srry but no

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KOOLAIDE

Whatever, thats a good story, cause it came from ACTUAL life. Not a fuckin pre written canned dhv story, (which women can see right through. like a transparent sheet of paper)

does the fact that he typed it out and posted it online not make it pre-written and canned?
pre-written = written before spoken. check.
canned = memorized story. check.

i do see what you mean by it being good story because it came from his own experience, and i agree because it's congruent with him... but it's still not a good DHV story. it's just a story.

I like the story, i thought it was really cool. It doesn't demonstrate anything though. Either make the stroy more extravagent and fun to convey that you are a good storyteller, or better yet! Say the truck was filled with drugs you didn't know about and the guy slipped you ten grand to keep your mouth shut. yeah!!!!!!!

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They call me The Bandit because I've been know to steal a few hearts.