Younger women tend to have not gone through the experiences that mold their attraction switches. I would say most honestly don't know what they want yet. Just like how men don't know what they are searching for until they are a little older.

Technically man, there is nothing wrong with that either. If she is older, then maybe she has realized that it IS what she wants? This does teach you a very interesting lesson though -- pickup is an art form, not a blanket solution. Not everyone is the same. She could be a very dominant person and be searching for a submissive. Or she could be very needy and require a man who takes care of her.

You never know. Without knowing her personally, I can't answer the question. But I can say if you want to be with her, adapt. Don't go to the complete end of the spectrum he is at, but you have to calibrate to be less of what you are being. If he is attracting her more than you, slide the scale down and have some of your traits, and some of his. That is, of course, if that is the type of person you want to BE in the relationship. I do not condone changing your personality to get the girl, but if it is in the means of how you are willing to act, then go for it!

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Thanks Locke, I really appreciate it. I will talk to her ASAP

Hey Locke, something happened last night that was a clear example of something i've never experienced before. Actually....i think i got mad once before b/c of this but i don't think it was so obvious so my motive for being mad was questioned. Anyway.

Last night i was in my GF's room and she now dorms with her best/only real friend at college. Last night they were sitting on the bed while i was on the computer singing songs and i noticed that they were directing words towards me like "he has it commin" and random shit and thought it was funny. I was playing World of Warcraft and her friend goes "wow you're such a loser!" and my GF just says "omg you're playing that game!"....but she knew i played sometimes and even inquired about it...now she's ganging up against me.

I was stoned and i raised my elbow too high and hit over a box of nerds spilling them by accident....her roommate then goes "wow you're retarded." and my GF doesn't say shit. She then gets down on the floor and helps me pick it up and both of them are snickering back and forth about having to pick up the nerds and why they should be donig something so stupid at 4am, oh that's right b/c i dropped it. I just walked out of the room and she followed me crying saying "i dont understand!".

I don't know if i'm over reacting, but i don't believe a GF should ever gang up on you...if someone is gonna make a bad comment about you, you don't just keep you're mouth shut(atleast i wouldnt if somethign was said to her by my friends). To me this is a strong example of ganging up on me and seeing if i'm gonna take it. What do you think about this? How should i act? Should i say, do this shit again or we're through as i wanna say?

One last thing i just thought of. She tries to be dominate or a smartass in front of her friends..."go now turn off the light." for example

Thanks for your time man.

Hi Locke

I've been with a girl for about 2 weeks now and we've been going out for a week (as in gf bf) It doesn't sound long but as we live close to each other we've spend most of the two weeks together and most nights as well, so it seems longer.
My problem is that she's really clingy. I need to do a lot of work for uni but when I tell her I can't see her every time she gets all upset on me and says that i don't want to see her. If I'm on the phone and I say 'no, we definately can't see each other tonight' she hangs up straight away and then if i call her back is all upset... I need my space, I like her a lot but I have other things to do as well and don't need to see her every single day, but she doesn't understand this. I havn't acted clingy at all but on the other side i've definately shown enough attention to not seem uninterested. Don't know if it's relevant, but we're been sleeping together from pretty much the first time we went on a date (2 weeks ago) and the sex is great. I'm 20 and she's 21.

Thanks a lot!!! Chris

Sorry Slyder and Chris, I was out of town. I just arrived back and will be giving your questions a thorough spanking tomorrow. Hope I'm not too late!

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Chris! I am glad you asked this. It is a very common issue in relationships. One person is more clingy than the other. I would reference my "Orbiting Theory" post, but I am a lazy asshole and have not typed it up yet

It sounds to me like this is a good relationship in the making, with the exception of her attached-ness.

My first two recommendations:

Reduce the amount of reassurances you give to her. When she starts complaining that you don't want to see her, simply tell her you like spending time with her, but that her lack of confidence in the relationship is making things tough on you.

Secondly, reduce the amount of time you spend with her. Even if you really like the girl, there is no reason to be spending every night with someone you have only known for two weeks. It will a.) burn things out very quickly, and b.) create an unhealthy dependence.

What you want to do (and I would recommend hinting at this to her as well) is find a fun hobby that you can participate in that DOESN't involve her. Have her find something outside of your relationship as well....something that can occupy her time, keep her interest, and allow her to have FUN. When she has importance and value outside of the relationship, they tend to not flock towards the dependency. Which is a really good thing. A healthy relationship has sparsely placed dependency (but it does exist).

Just back off the escalation reigns. At this early stage you both should be living your separate lives, but sharing them.

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hhhhhhmmmmmm.....


I'm sorry, I am not mocking the question, but HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I can visually play out what you just narrated.

here is the thing man: If you are bothered by her acting that way in front of her friends, then you have the right to feel that way and you shouldn't put up with it. She was probably playing, but regardless...because of your relationship, things like that can effect your core and definitely fracture your frame.

Never give ultimatums. I won't go into why, but they are not good. Just EXPLAIN to her that you are into her, and because you like spending time with her, you would like to maintain a high value reputation with her friends. By her "ganging up on you" and 'cracking jokes', she makes you look bad. That is harmful and tell her that. Tell her you want to be with a woman who sticks up for the person she is with.

It is a sign of respect and appreciation to have the girl you like on your side. If she is not willing to do that, then in the end.....she will be the one who wrecks things.

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Cheers, I'll try and do that. We're on hols from uni at the moment at our seperate homes so I'll try to put what u said into practice when we both move back to uni.
Quick other question: she has a high sex drive so even if I'm busy till like 12:30 pm she wants me to come round and sleep the night anyway, which ends up in me sleeping there pretty much every night as it's hard to refuse sex! Is there a way of stopping this as, although sex is good (obviously), it means I spend too much time with her. Thanks

Start using that hidden force called self restraint! If you are spending too much time with her (in your mind), she might be thinking the relationship is headed towards something it is not.

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I'm butting in, because Locke's answer is right on the money. Hypnotica hijacked my post, so I'm hijacking yours

Also explain to her that by making YOU look bad in front of her friends, it reciprocally makes HER look bad. Why is she with someone she makes fun of? That's low value for her.

Flipping things on HER value will make her stop, think, and consider her actions.

It's probably not that she doesn't like you. Bullies think in terms of the IMMEDIATE FUTURE, not of consequences. What locke has suggested will make her break out of the bully mentality and consider how it affects you, her, and your relationship together.

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- Zip

I think there were plenty of times I had hijacked your post....so I welcome you to my side of the forum with open arms! You're advice is always helpful, and will always get the Locke stamp of approval.

Stick around, join me in answering some of these questions

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Heyyy Locke

Long time no speak, havent been on here for a while :O

well to cut a long story short im seeking your advice in advance, how should I deal with this girl?

Let me explain

Shes the sort of shy type although she doesnt stop talking haha, I get the impression she doesnt get with many guys and i know for a fact shes a virgin, I am also so its no big deal its just she gives me that sort of innocent feeling you know how i mean? well tonight me and a friend met her and we chatted and i hugged her and we walked and cuddled, then at the end of the night I got a big hug and she rubbed her arms up and down my back in a comforting way, i thought nothing of it, so tonight i come home and im on msn bit of c/f here and there, lil bit of suggestions that i'd make a good boyfriend but to be frank i was only 'pissing in the dark' haha.

well my friend tells me that on the way home she said to him " you know i can tell you anything? well hes gorgeous and i think i really like him", and she said it on msn too. I've told her I am very busy this week but have got her to text me tomorrow (to get her to invest in me) im not too sure about this one because im not too sure how to escalate to the kiss close wiht her, i am a killer kiss closer usually, but i think this one needs to be done when we're on our own i.e. in my house rather than in town. I think she would make a great girl friend simply cause i can trust her and shes a great person.

another point, should I state my intentions to her? possibly in a subtle way? that i want a relationship? I also have an advantage because she trusts my mate and he'll tell me anything.

Thanks Locke, and if I dont speak to you before, happy new year

Happy New Year's Eve!

No, don't state your intentions; because honestly, until you are with her for a couple weeks or months, you won't actually KNOW what those intentions are.

And as for escalating to a kiss close? Well, if you are a killer kiss closer, just do that! Don't make this one special, there is no reason to deviate from how you work. If you think you want to escalate in PRIVATE only, then while you are out and kinoing, tell her that she is really cute and you're trying so hard to resist kissing her. See what her reaction is. Build more from there, and maybe you can kiss in public. Or maybe just maintain kino (VERY important if you are going to push the kiss off till later) and then when you two are in a private setting, all you'll need to do is push a little bit and BAM you've got it. Maybe even repeat that you want to kiss her.

Whatever you do, don't wait until the end of the night--puts too much pressure on the kiss, even if the kino was good.

Tell me what happens!

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hey guy's im after some advice, im handling my situation well, but i just want a 3rd party opinion... heres the story,.. i have been seeing this girl about 3 months hb 8.5, we catch up 2/3 times a week.. k closed in one night, f closed the next, we wine, dine, have quiet nights in on the couch watchin dvd's, spend the night every time we meet and have crazy sex everytime, its all going really well, i dont have to work any angles or routines as we can talk eachothers ears of and have a really good time and chemistry. (were both 25 and our own place) after a few weeks i noticed it was always up to me to make plans and create the date... she's quite old fashioned and a bit of a homebody so i guess thats just how she has handled relationships/men... i did hit her up about it and asked why am i always making the plan's and the next date, also her reply's to sms's are always really delayed, (but she does hate fones, and like i said is old fashioned, and i know she leaves it in her bedroom most times and never checks it) but still its a pain, also if were watching a dvd and i want to cuddle up im always the one putting my arm around her, although when i do, she takes the bait and loves it, but its just good not to sometimes, but like i said shes quite oldfashioned (any advice there), so i was carefull as i didnt wana sound needy, so i kind of negged her about it and said "look if your just using me for a free dinner and a fuck, then im not into that, so if your just using me tell me cos its not my style, and i dont want my time wasted" the neg worked well, she replied with "if i didnt want to see you or wasnt interested i would tell you straight up and not keep making plans with you" with that out the way the last month has been really good, still going out to dinners, day dates, lazing out with a glass of wine.. spent xmas night together, new years she cooked me a nice seafood dinner and we stayed in but its been 3 months and she has already told her parents of me, her friends at work, her parents even sms her on new years to tell her to say happy new year to me, so i guess the fact shes been talking about me is a good thing, i dont have a prob with any of that, i think its about the right time to take things to the next step, we get on well, if we have a problem we talk about it and theres no real conflict. so i would really like a relationship with this girl..

im over the fact that if i dont see her for 2 days i dont get a "hi just seeing how your day was" sms, i can deal with that, the only time we use our phones with eachother is to plan out next day or she will sms me when she has finished work to talk, so my fone bill is halved

im still making most the plans, she will ask me to catch up if i dont say anything b4 i leave, so i guess thats going well to and when i do make plan's shes putting alot more input into it

we comunicate very well when we talk so do i just talk to her about it, see her input, like i said from above its very clear shes keen, and she knows i am... so any advice on ways to deal with it??

Well, I am not quite sure what your exact question is.

If you are asking for my perspective on your situation, then I will say things sound great and are perfectly normal. You two are moving to the next level, however because of your mixed interpretation of things, you are wondering why she is still being a little distant (in turn causing you to be more needy). This is also a normal thing! You two are at a stage where you can escalate the relationship--but remember: just because you two are becoming closer, doesn't mean either of your lives have to (or should) revolve around the other person.

The distance isn't a bad thing either man; if she were calling you constantly, and always trying to snuggle, and always sending you messages (or replying to yours), would you still feel the same way? Probably not; WAYYY too needy. So by her escalating but not becoming overbearing, it is keeping your interest. Follow that lead....she is doing it so you don't have to.

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