For the third year in a row ive had a disappointing new years eve. Maybe this is the reason why Im making this post. However, lately ive come to the realization that most girls think im an asshole. I will attribute some of that to me over negging alot, but I know for sure some of it is un-warranted or atleast I believe it is. Tonight 4 different girls called me an asshole at a new years eve party. I guess for some reason girls take my sarcasm way to literally. I dont know how to change that. I use sarcasm alot to make jokes, but for some reason it rubs off the wrong way on girls. I really dont get it. But it seems to happen consistently, and it bothers me because I truly consider myself a nice guy. Thats the reason I was put in the friend zone throughout my high school days. Then in grade 12 I realized that being a nice guy wasnt getting me ass so I changed things up, and ya ive gotten some k-closes. But overall I come off as an asshole. Anyone know ways I can shake this persona? Especially with people who already think im an asshole.

Well, use your sarcastic jokes differently. Be over the top... Make them funny, and tweak the way you say it. This is also a good way to pass shit tests - if you can keep your head.

its a tough one to answer not knowing you properly but I would say, firstly, if you look good, and youre a big strong fella, then spend more time being "nice" as people will already expect you to be an @sshole. if you look all soft and sweet then you have to spend a little time showing you have a pair of balls..... this is best done using "cocky comedy" (if you dont know what it is look it up, its good stuff, David D'angelo)

cocky comedy involves 2 things,
1. being cheeky, not rude - cocky
2. being funny, not being a clown for her.

this place is full of ways to get "value" without being a d1ck.

ask me some more specific questions and i will help if i can.

but please stop being a dick with women, they dont deserve and your just making life harder for the rest of us.

good luck bruv.

Happy New Year Fogell and anyone else here .

Maybe you are being seen as too serious when you neg?
Check your tone and stance, body language may be conveying you as a hard motha.
Especially if you have had to change your style, you may have gone just a little too far?

Without knowing you and going just by what you have written here I can only guess at some things, get a friend to mirror you - get them to repeat back words and stance etc so you can see how it feels to face yourself. Alternatively get a video camera and check yaself out using some of the material you use.. then consider if you would call yaself an asshole?

From what I have read on these forum posts over negging can sometimes be inappropriate and negative to some women who may have had bad relationships etc..
J1f

Most likely its cause youre either negging too much, or not laughing when you joke around so youre comming off as being serious when you make jokes at their expense.

Also if you in High school be light on the negging as girls that age dont exactly know how hot they are yet.

_________________
Don't ever let somebody tell you.. you can't do something. Not even me. All right?

You got a dream.. you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want something, Go get it. Period.

Smirk, raise your eye brows, somehow you have to portray "I'm KIDDING" to them without telling them so.

^ This, and also it comes down to the tone in your voice. When you are making a sarcastic joke, make sure you are animated and your tone accentuates the punch-lines or sarcastic remarks... perhaps follows it with a chuckle. Do NOT, however, over do everything and become the dancing monkey or full blown clown in the group. Again, simple lively animation and smiling does wonders.

As far as negging goes, make sure it is in fact a neg and not and insult. Don't be like, "Hey, you... your nails... yeah, I think that color sucks!". Instead use [or please don't] the overly used cliche neg, "Are those nails real? Well, they look nice, anyway..."

I suggest getting two IOI's first, building attraction, locking into your sets. At THIS point you should okay to neg safely. Remember to EV her to discover which of the four types of negs you should use.
1. Hard NEG- almost negative in nature. If you used it on a stranger you'd get slapped for sure. If you have reached the HOOK point. They might just say: 'you're so crazy!' and/or light punch/touch.
2. Medium NEG- less negative slightly less impactful requires a more fragile girl.
3. Soft NEG- The kind you can throw at a stranger and still get a laugh. Requires a sensitive girl to be effective. Just as devasting to a sensitive girl as a Hard one is to a strong girl.
4. General NEG- Disneylike can be used on any one because it is usually indirect.

I suggest which ever level you start at you DE-Escalate your negs while escalating kino. You're already touching her so her walls are way down.
After all, that's the point of a neg. Breaking down barriers.

_________________
BE The Game!

Hey Dude,
I had similar problems. I had a seriously bitter, sarcastic and witty sense of humour and for those that didn't know me, I sometimes came across as an arsehole. John Cleese might be funny in Fawlty Towers, but in the real world he would come across as a seriously rude prick!

Being a psychology student, I decided to take a psychological approach to the problem.

The way I broke this was working on my inner game. I realised I was incredibly cynical about the world due to a number of insecurities. When I realised it was a product of fear and it was holding me back, it became easier for me to control. It was mainly a habit. If you catch yourself out as your doing it or recognise it after you have done it. And stop, you will slowly get out of the habit. And don't stress, if you dont like your personality, it can be completeally re-built by breaking out of negative patterns and ways of thinking. Read up a little bit on neuro-plasticity if you don't beleive me

Also, would you care to write down some of the negs you used and in what context? Perhaps do the same with some of the jokes as well? Maybe then we can help pin-point the root of the problem more.

But just in general, don't be negative (sarcasm will be seen as negative) when around new people until they know you and realise your joking, then it might be acceptable, but only sometimes and around the right people. If your speaking to a happy up-beat girl, she probably won't be too impressed.

A book you might find helpful in getting into a more positive frame of mind is Authentic Happiness by Martin E.P Seligman. I found that seriously helpful in breaking my bad habits. It also has a number of tests you can do for free online as you read through the book to help you with your progress and to demonstrate the changes that are taking place.

Please note, this book isn't one of those positive psychology books written by one of those annoying up-beat manic american psychologists that con themselves into happiness. This book approaches it in a scientific and realistic approach. The guy who wrote it is considered the father of positive psychology and has always considered himself as a cynic.

Anyway hope that helps!

EDIT:

Also can I just say you always need to keep context in mind:

Some things aren't acceptable around new people (general negativity, bitter, cynical, sarcastic remarks).

Some things are not acceptable around most girls, especially those your trying to game. This includes things such as jokes that might be seen as crude/rude etc. You don't want to come across as a complete pervert. Ive seen guys make these sort of jokes a lot and it reinforces it for the girl. What might be acceptable at the pub with your mates isn't necassarily going to be for when your trying to game.

Like was mentioned above, don't over do the jokes or you become the clown and they don't take you seriously.

_________________
-HomeWrecker

"The Part-time, residential, demolitions expert".

Push/Pull
Remember to pull - not just push!

Face facts you are an asshole, sarcasm makes people feel stupid, they don't want to be around people who make them feel in negative ways. kthx.

Your are right, it does make people feel stupid. But calling people arseholes isn't helpful in anyway, it definatelly won't make people want to change, only make them resist more.

People might be sarcastic for a wide range of reasons including:
-Insecurity
-Unable or unsure how to relate to people (possibly a social disorder)
-Depression

Its easy in any situation to write someone off and label them when you don't understand the nature of the problem causing the behaviour. You need to stop stereotyping so much, and consider the fact that people behave in a certain way, due to circumstance.

_________________
-HomeWrecker

"The Part-time, residential, demolitions expert".

My name is Fogell. I am an asshole. Thanks for telling me something I already know. Although Im trying to fix it. Thanks everyone else for the input though. I think Im just gonna try and keep the negging to a minimum, and just use teasing at the most. And try to come off lightly if im using sarcasm.

Ahahaha that's the funniest thing i read today!

To the OP, don't try to change your personality. I too can come off as being a little too cocky but whatever, I just don't give a shit! That's pretty much the attitude you need. I'm genuinely a nice guy too, so both elements go forth. You're obviously NOT an asshole, since you came on these boards looking for help. My suggestion is to just try to calibrate the women a bit better. Ultimately, you want to find a woman who digs your sarcasm (they're out there, a friend of mine if borderline asshole and always grumpy, but mad funny, and he's been in a LTR for 4 yrs now).

Calibrate to the women, and don't show them interest since they're not who you're after in the long run. You'll see that eventually, once they realize you are being sarcastic, they'll calibrate to YOU and think you are super funny. They have to chase you, not the other way around.

Side note, being a cocky/funny guy is a great way to create tension and conflict between groups of women, use that to your advantage. Create conflict on a topic where a set of women are on your side and the other set are against you, then have them debate it out. Showing that you're unaffected by the women that's against you is a great turn-on for the other women since it shows pre-selection.

LOL firs off I was in that position until i found out the fine line of balance between negggin and being a dick! Takin a wild guess ur doing is being cocky and not funny.If you haven't read david de angleos work(cock and funny) well this is wat it is!

Like most of the guys suggested voice, tonality and smile or 'the' smurk is really imprtant!

there is not much that i can say apart from other's posts for ur concern but there are two things i would like to pitch in ..

first, make sure you practice ur voice ,tonality and posture and smile infront of the mirror. that will help you out and point out when you are being serious face and teasing face.. think of it like ur saying to her "ur a bad girl im gonna punish u kinda way"(dont f*ckin say it loud , say it *in ur mind*)when you do the smile!

second ,the attitude or inner game.Work on it ,think like ur asshole and ur funny !! Girl cant resist u and stuff like that to help yourself!! But when you get to know her , push a sensitive side to "qualify her" and not qualify "u"!!!
Next time ur being cocky and I'll suggest an excercise that will help you ...
So far you are an asshole..well go out next time..try this,

do your regular thing(being the asshole) and then immediately try the same thing with the tone ,posture and smile you practiced earlier, this will make it funny(make sure laugh) I will guarantee the difference in their face!

If you coudnt see the difference ..well and wondering wat the posture or tone ,most of the guys are talkin about ... check out the video online about body language or better yet watch George clooney in oceans series ..u'll get the idea!!

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!