| Q:What does an Italian woman say to her husband?
A: buy Viagra
Q: What does a Jewish woman say to her husband?
A: buy Pfizer stock
If you don’t have time to read the whole thing, I can easily cut to the chase: this is a lay report where I take a herbal Viagra pill and f close a girl at a party. It’s funny, and a little bit rude.
The pill in question I purchased from an adult store in Dublins Temple Bar district. I was walking home from work and I saw an enormous poster that said VIAGRA. I have been curious about this drug for some time largely due to my pharmacist mates, my obsession with Hugh Hefner and my knowledge of biochemistry.
If you were thinking “haha, he needs Viagra at his age”, you’re wrong. I went for the herbal version. This is because I can’t get a prescription for the proper stuff due to the fact that I get a boner at the mere thought of an Edwardian lady’s partially revealed petticoat frills.
The pill in question was made in China (by far and away the most reliable country of manufacture for any product you can swallow, as shown time and again in the news!) They can probably call it “Viagra” because of Chinese intellectual property laws (Section 4(d) – subsection (II) of The Peoples’ Statute on Copyright reads “If you can’t invent it – shamelessly copy it”). I’d say the chances of the pill being a placebo are 50:50 but this doesn’t bother me because everybody knows that placebos work half the time anyways.
Anyways, it cost me 10 euro and the guy in the shop said to take it with a meal and a glass of water, “one hour before fun” as he put it. He gave me the instructions with the assuredness of a guy who’s said these words a thousand times before. I concluded that there must be lots of randy Irish priapics roaming Dublin. It certainly explains the dent in the rear of that Ferrari F430 I saw parked on Exchequer Street.
Anyways, I took the pill along with water and some Chinese food and it gave me the worst indigestion ever. At one point I felt as if I was in an Alien film.
Anyways, I had to go to a party, so I got dressed, bought some booze and condoms, and I was ready to sarge.
The party was mostly comprised of Aussies, Canadians and Kiwis, with the occasional Eastern European. There was one HB9 from Europe, the other women were in the 5-7.5 range. I opened pretty much everyone, regardless of gender or appearance, in under 3 seconds, as I have been working on this as part of a Hypnotica course. When I heard that my exercise was to open 20 sets a day in under 3 seconds I thought it was going to be a gruelling time, but actually this is at the essence of working the crowd socially. Regardless of pickung up, I had a great time at this party.
I terms of DHVs, I went for the travel theme – I have been to over 30 countries – and I ran a few patterns relating to travel. Lets face it: in a room full of foreigners there’s no safer topic. I also did some good pacing and leading discussing why U2 are shite with a HB7.
Anyways, I was working good kino with an Aussie HB7.5 and got her contact details. Then I sat down on the sofa. One of the HB7s sat down beside me. She talked/I patterned for a while then I put her legs on my lap and began stroking them – I believe this is one of Dmitri’s moves. It’s a good one, I plan to do it again.
Aussie HB was singing karaoke by now, I had her contact details and sure as hell didn’t want to get roped into singing “It’s Not Unusual”, so I decided to kiss close HB7. I did this in the way that works best for me (just fucking do it! Stop with the stupid word games and routines!).
I made out with HB7 for about half an hour. I don’t recall any unusual stirrings in my undergarments during this time.
Anyways, I had to break it off because a fight broke out and I had to help calm things down. Bros before hos. When I returned to HB7 we made out for a bit, but I was getting impatient (it was 4am).
To f close, I said “I’m going home to bed – you know where to find me” (with EC). This is a big leap forward from my previous “do you want to come home with me?” nonsense because it is a statement and not a question and it has a high level of presupposition. Anyways, she followed me out and we ended up in the sac.
Enter the Chinese dragon.
I would like to say that my dick went up like a Ukrainian pole-vaulter with a Polaris up his arse, but it didn’t really. All that really happened was that my reload time between fucks was reduced from the usual half an hour to around ten seconds.
Like the Ireland vs Poland soccer match a couple of weeks ago, there was plenty of scoring in the extra time. We went through 3 condoms, shagged til 6am including 2 blowjobs (so around 2 hours), and it is worth pointing out that I had drank a considerable amount of alcohol in advance although I was tipsy rather than drunk. I reckon if you were sober you could easily fuck pretty much non stop for 4 hours on this stuff.
As for the effect it had on the girl – I couldn’t get rid of her. She was still there when I woke up the next morning at 11. I got dressed, she was still there at 12. Still there at 1. I went out Christmas shopping alone (a subtle hint “get the fuck out!”). Still there when I got back. Didn’t leave til about 6pm by which point I was seriously freaking out over this lingering presence haunting my weekend.
So yeah, good. But not good if you have plans the next day because you won’t be able to shake the woman off. I won’t be doing this every week. But I do intend to keep a reserve stash for when I get a decent HB9 or 10 in my bed so I can get maximum enjoyment out of it.
Keep ripping those bodices,
Z
|
CHAT
