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Ok, so I have been dating this girl for 4 months. The first 2 months were perfect, we spend so much time together and we were happy. She decided to go to schoool up north, because her father said he'd pay for it. While up there, I really wanted to see her, but she has no money and her father is a dousche. So I bought her a round trip for 1 week to see me. She spent 2 days with me and made up excuses for why she couldn't see me the other days. Initially, I felt played and heartbroken, yet she said she had alot of things going on ie:family issues. She said it wouldn't happen again. So now she's back up north, has no food, job, nothing. Father won't take care of her and mother is ex-druggie, but clean now and had no money. I sent her $100 with a poem I wrote (how gay). Her birthday comes up and 1 week before I said I would like to visit her and she yelled at me and said she wants to be left alone on her birthday. I thought, why would you push away someone who cares the most about you? She called back, apologize and said don't worry, my cousins are doing something for my birthday. (still I thought, why can't I be a part of it) So 2 days before, we didn't talk. I texted her and she said she'd call when she got out of class. She never called me. Next day no call either. I thought something might be wrong, but I checked her myspace and she has comment back and forth with other people, so I know she just chose not to contact me. However, I feel it's disrespectful that she didn't call me or text me back. I figured she must be cheating on me or probably bored now. Her birthday just passed and she claims she's heartbroken and not sure if she wants to talk anymore if I'm this paranoid. Here's the thing, I have every right to be because I went through her phone when I flew her out here and she had text messages from her ex referring to sex with her and another guy. Of course she had elaborate excuses for both ie: ex cheated on her and she wants to set him up to hurt new lover, she likes to just play around on the phone. Just want to know if you think she bullshitting and doesn't care about me? I mean, I'm a handsome guy, full of confidence, but women tend to either think I'm a player or they end up cheating. Do you think I'm doing the right thing, I mean I just wanted to grab my balls back and show her I that I demand respect for how great a guy I am. By the way, I'm 22 and she, just turned 22.
You have only been together for 6 months. You invaded her privacy, conveyed a lack of trust, jealousy, and an over controlling frame. I am not trying to break you down man, but either the relationship's core, or your core needs to be worked on.
You are in a long distance relationship. Unless you have established monogamy, what business of yours is it who she has sex with?
You might feel a little disappointed, or even shit on. Disrespected? Neglected? These are all feelings that are going to poke out every once in a while in a long distance relationship. The key is communication. There are much better ways to handle it than arguments, ultimatums, and over reactions. If her cousins are celebrating her birthday, and she doesn't want you to come? Communicate. Find out why!
It seems to me that this is just a case of mis-placed onion layering. Check out: "Onion Theory" in the relationships section to get an idea. And like I said, I am not trying to criticize you, but there were many other ways you could have handled it. Just remember, if she wants space, give her space. Address the problem if it is really bothering you. But if they want breathing room, and you continue to (in their reality) smother them, the relationship will be doomed.
Personally, I would sit down and talk to her about the current issue. How you are feeling; don't argue, don't accuse, don't force the frame. Just explain how you feel. If she doesn't accept it and want to work it out, then you finally have your obvious answer.
CHAT
