its true that a persons personality is developed through his peers and most of all his family. when we are children we pick up on small things our parents do and we mimic them. like (E.G Pavlovs theory-- when we are kids we would pick up cockroach and eat it probably .. but we get scared of it when see our parents being scared of it. if they just crush it then we would probably not be scared of it when we grow up ... but if they were to start screaming and acting like girls .. then we would probably grow up fearing them) our personalities are molded and shaped from the people who we feel are safe.anyways i have noticed similarity in my own behavior but dont know how to fix it which is why i need your help.

my dad always favored my older brother and still does over everything. my brothers personality is so much different than mine. hes assertive, social, aggressive, with a can do personality like my dad. since i always felt he favored my brother over me i have grown apart from him and there is always this awkward tension between us. i just cant seem to let that issue go. i have some of my dads characteristics but b/c of the neglect i guess .. i have grown into a introvert or timid person. i have become more of a quiet type.

my personality on the other hand is similar to my moms .... i have her strengths but also a few behavior patterns which i see them as weaknesses. like the kid from Pavlov example i have taken in my moms behavior when faced with danger.

as i said before a person is shaped by his peers. i have from mom and dad. b/c of my dad i became shy, timid fearing social occasions and b/c of this i perceive these things as danger. i always run short of breath, i lose focus and become very nervous over small things which is my moms response to danger. like when in a social group, when at a mall or grocery store with lots of people. i have that scared look on my face which is very very very noticeable as i perceive that as danger.. its not subtle at all.

i bet alot of people can relate or it. i really need some advise on this as i think this is the root of my behavior. i would really appreciate any advise. anything would be great.

Recognize the behaviors as they're happening and relax yourself. Also, understand that in traditional transactional psychoanalysis there are three ego states that one can assume when interacting with other people, Child, Adult, and Parent. You seem to step into the one of your parent often. Try switching to your rational adult state or your fun and relaxed child state as you notice the behaviors generated by your parent ego taking over your interactions. It may take a while, but practice making the switches and be a friend to yourself.

dude, you have no idea.

The answer you seek is within the question you pose.

If I act socially inept because I hang around my parents, if I want to act socially competent, I should....?

Correct! Hang around socially competent people! Have you ever noticed how when you're in a group of friends, and one of them invents something really cool.... say they say "whoa, that's totally dagger!" Next thing you know, you're saying that - and it's not a conscious decision! You definitely pick things up, and it's best to put yourself into situations where you will be around those you wish to imitate.

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"A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes." - Mohandas Gandhi

any more advise .. thanks

Sheeshkabab, I think you have already taken a huge step in realizing that your behaviors and your identity are two separate things. The key now is to remember this in the moment you are feeling these negative feelings which in turn cause negative behaviors. For example, when you are feeling anxiety in the grocery store try to consciously remember why those feelings/behaviors developed (perceived danger with father?). Then, take some deep breaths or something and tell yourslef that those feelings don't need to apply to the grocery store. You rational mind knows that the grocery store is safe/non-threatening place.

By the way, I struggle with family issues as well (with my Dad especially), and attribute a lot of my social anxiety to this. I am getting better though, but it's a slow process.

Hope this helps.