warning, this is gonna be very long but I could really use ANYONES help on here since I am at rock bottom with myself and I know that there are alot of people on here who were in my shoes once. Im too scared to talk about this with my RL friends because

I dont even know where to start. I guess Ill give you a little bit of info about myself. Im 19 at a college thats always top 10 in the polls of "schools with the hottest girls" and I feel like I am missing out on so much oppurtunity out there. I am in a fraternity and still cant even pull in anything, still a virgin (yeah rock bottom, literally). But I have to admit that I never have really tried because Im too much of a pussy, shy, etc and wouldnt be able to handle rejection. You wouldnt believe how hot the sorority girls are and how fun all the parties are and shit. But like I said, I am letting (what should be) the peak of my life fly right in front of me and Im doing nothing to try and make the most of it. I know I am making a big mistake and I want to change now and fast. There are no second chances in situations like these. As this problem grows and grows I keep hating myself more to and I go on spans of weeks of just being depressed etc.

One of my many problems is that I suffer from the "niceguyitis" and sometimes Im cool with it but most of the time Im not. Im always willing to go out of my way to take care of the puking girls at parties, or drive them home if Im the DD etc. And now im starting to realize that im slowly getting deeper in this hole and wont be able to figure how to get out of it. I have finally realized that being the nice guy will work only with like 2% of women out there, but I dont know how to be anything else because ive been the "nice guy" for so long.

2nd problem is displaying confidence. I know for a fact that this problem developed due to the fact that I didn’t hit puberty till very late in HS. Summer of going into junior year to be exact. So for freshman and sophmore year I was always the “short/cute” friend. I also went to a private HS with like 140 ppl in my grade so everyone knew each other well and when all the girls started actually “hooking up” in HS terms, I was always on the sidelines bc not many girls thought I was “cute” enough for them. Fck those bitches. My friends weren’t the best at hooking up either, they, like me, were too into the sports they played to really care about it.

Fwiw, I still look like a junior in HS instead of a sophomore in college.

3rd problem is inner game. Having 0 confidence also lead me to having a problem of always wondering what girls thought of me because I never knew where I stood at with the girls from HS. So now at college, when Im trying to talk with them, Im always wondering what I am doing wrong, if they like me, if they don’t etc. My mind is always in a constant state of negative thoughts with girls. Like my other problems, I have no idea how to get out of this. By having 0 confidence, I panic when I am talking with girls especially 1 on 1.

A couple positives about me,

I have a great sense of humor, can take any joke (the virgin jokes get old fast though since that’s the only thing my buddies can make fun of me for). I am very sarcastic and can easily make girls laugh. Although I think that’s what leads me to the nice guy status, because when a bunch of people are over, Im making sure everyone is entertained etc.

Another positive is that I am not all shy or awkward around a group of people, its just really 1 on 1 with girls because I don’t know how to keep a conversation going. I just freeze up. I can be a very social person, just when I choose to be.

I really don’t know how to end this either but if there was something I forgot to add about myself Ill just add it to this thread.

Like I said I really really really need help on this and to anyone who took the time to read this whole thing, thank you very much, any advice would be appreciated. Holla.

It wasn't that long - good post. You're being too hard on yourself. Appearance does not mean nearly as much as you think. I have a friend who is in his early 20's and still looks like he's 15/16 - and he routinely pulls hb9s. As for being a 19 year old virgin - I'm 22 & I lost my virginity around age 19-20 (sad that I can't remember the age or even the girl's name other than it started with an "a"). There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 19 - your time will come soon. Hopefully your first time is more memorable than mine. There are people on here that can give you much better advice than I can - but if you aren't satisfied with yourself no girl is going to be satisfied with you.

You're starting off better than I did. This time last year I was that creepy awkward quiet kid. I couldn't even look most people in the eye. It wasn't until this summer that I was really comfortable in any social situation. BTW you aren't alone; I'm 19 and still a virgin.

Conversing 1 on 1 takes practice. I started practicing 1 on 1 conversation when school started this year and I am just starting to get good at it. You really just need to take any opportunity you can to converse. It won't be easy at first, but over time it will get easier to keep something going. Force yourself to do it.

I can't help you any further because I am just getting good at having conversations; I haven't yet got to the point where I can be flirty with a girl.

Just don't expect to be getting in bed with hot girls right off the bat.

EDIT: Quit thinking so negative; catch yourself when you do and change that thought to something optimistic. Do it until you get into the habit of positive thinking.

You kidding me I am 19 and a virgin. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

The most important factors you must consider now are that you are here. And you are here for a reason. You want to change! You want a pretty girl to love. That is a start.

So my advise for you:
1. Work on your self-esteem if you do not think you can do it, you won't.
2. Forget the past, look to the future, the time is now.
3. Greet people you know, and try meeting girls by just saying hi, or beginning a small talk. SAY SOMETHING, because that is better than nothing. Get invited to parties and go.
4. Push yourself, sometimes it is you yourself that is preventing your success.
5. Take chances, get intimate with girls, use kino and touch her. If she doesn't like it she will tell you or give you signs.
6. Changes will not happen overnight, and it may even take a couple months before you will feel completely confident. But once you reach that breaking point imo you start to not only feel you have it in you, but know you have it in you... the world will be yours for the taking.

Ultimately this is a journey to discover yourself, grow, and change. I cannot tell you exactly what to do, because for everyone it is different. But just remember, do not forget where you came from, and know where you are going (what you want), and do not regret who you are. Sometimes if thinks are troubling you sometimes you need to say "Fuck It". And if something is holding you back, like Nike, "Just Do It".

EDIT: A little example, imagine you are were a famous Rock Star, everyone has high expectations of you. You are naturally going to live up to those expectations! Because else you ruin your reputation. Now think of where you are now, no one knows you or has expectations of you, but to game and meet people, GIVE PEOPLE HIGH EXPECTATIONS, for you to live up to. Live like a Rock Star with your own unique personality, starting now.

Ok, I used to have the exact same mindset. No joke. I hated freshman year of college, felt like I had no friends at all, and basically lost all confidence with anyone. I was extreme beta. I was talking with someone (total a-hole, but in a good way) though over the summer. And anyways, I've found that if you are social in a situation, but still feel not confident, its probably because you depend too much on other people's approval. What really started me off on the right path with girls, and people in general, is basically the idea that. If they say no, hey, its their loss. It is never your fault if someone doesn't like you. If someone isn't attracted to you, or if people don't accept you, its too bad for them. They're missing out. Start reading stuff here. Listen to some motivation speakers, like Tony Robbins. Also, this was one of the most motivational and touching things. Read Tuesdays with Morrie. Great book. Lastly, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is another good book. But lastly, read the stuff here, and never be too hard on yourself.

any tips on how I can use my sense of humor to my advantage without appearing to be a huge dick. Or how to grow away from the "nice guy" personality? thanks

Nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Just don't be needy. You're nice because you are a genuinely nice person, not because you want to be friends with whoever. Be a nice person, but not so nice that you give up what you want for other people. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself.

Well, you say you've got a sense of humor, which is a major component on a PUA's arsenal, so make use of it. Dont be afraid to be a loudmouth (not to the point where you seem like a jerk or to the point where you become disruptive). Start talking to people (preferably females). Since you are in college, the classroom is a big oportunity to meet people. Just ask someone a simple question, but with confidence (and with purpose; dont bring up some irrelavent question). Just let your confidence and body language speak for you. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable others will be around you.

Fabie puts it very well. I'm on the same boat as you and him, and It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Heck, I'll even say I've never had a girlfriend, but to me that is "OKAY". (Just don't go around advertising about it! lol)
Looks aren't that important; recently i've been successfully to get my present target really into me simply being my "inner self"- Confident, Fun and Adventurous. (I find that C/F works really well for me) AND IM NOT EVEN HER TYPE! (She likes short/medium height scrawny japanese looking guys-- go figure!)

There are alot of people I know in the same situation as you, and they aren't too unhappy with their lives. So the sooner you get past the mental roadblock, the happier you'll be (and the more attractive you'll become!).

I'm almost 28 and I still have no confidence when it comes talking to HBs. I will say I have gotten better at talking to people I don't know. I'm just trying to work on building my confidence. I do believe without that you will never be successful with girls or anything else.

Hey man, there's been lots of great stuff offered here already but I said I'd just give my 2 cents. Different people take inspiration from different things and I've often found in my own life that one, seemingly minor, point completely changes my view on something and makes me see things in a better way or feel better about them. So with that in mind I'll just offer up a few more points, maybe you'll read one of them and something will just click inside you that helps you out.

The first, and most important, point is that absolutely no two situations are identical. No one else knows completely how you feel just like no one else knows how anyone else feels. With that in mind you might feel like no one really understands your situation completely and you might even feel slightly patronised by some support you may receive. The point, however, is that everyone has had their own difficult situations involving social anxiety and as a result people will generally be supportive. You have no need to be embarrassed or worried about social anxiety and the responses you may receive from friends because all of them (even if they themselves are too embarrassed to admit it and use some kind of condescending humour to cover that up) feel it to some extent. It might even be an idea to try and find other puas in your college or the area. At least that way you know you can talk openly about this stuff and even give each other in-field moral support.

Another point to make (relating specifically to awkward silences in 1 on 1 situations) is that everyone is self-conscious in social situations. More than likely, when there is an awkward silence, the girl is also self-conscious and panicking slightly that she can't think of anything to say. In order to not feel embarrassed, try to stop thinking about yourself completely. I know that might be hard but try FOCUSING ON THE OTHER PERSON. Don't think about yourself, just focus on raising their value and making them have more fun. Don't think about trying to sarge the girl, don't think about whether your body language is DLVing you, just focus on having fun and LEADING THE FUN INTERACTION. Do the crazy, childish fun things you'd do with a close friend.

A point needs to be made about the typical pua scolding of the "nice guy". THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY. In fact you should always be a nice guy, women hate when guys are assholes and so do other guys. The term "nice guy" used in a derogatory way should always appear in inverted commas because the pick-up arts do not have any problem with guys being genuinely nice. The term "nice guy" in this context, is a phrase used to describe a guy who supplicates to women. A guy who is needy and tries to win her favour and approval through buying her gifts or falsely behaving in a "nice" way in order to have a romantic or sexual relationship. It is sometimes, unfortunately, misunderstood by beginning puas to mean a guy who is genuinely nice. By all means look after girls who are puking up, someone has to and you're a great guy for doing it. But don't make a big deal of highlighting how great you are for looking after her. Take a leadership role here, look after her and BRING OUT THE BEST IN EVERYONE ELSE, take resonsibility and get people to help in a way that gets the best for the girl and doesn't draw too much attention thus embarrassing her. The next day when she's sober and better, have a word with her about her behaviour. Don't be an asshole but let her know that that kind of behaviour is not acceptable and it's not fair to other people to have to look after her. Leave the interaction with her feeling ok, not guilty or anything about it. Even give her a little hug to let her know it's ok but just as long as she knows she can't behave like that and expect other people to look after her again.

If you haven't done already, I would suggest that you make friends with 20 or so girls without any intention of hooking up with them. This will make you a lot more comfortable about girls in general. Plus, female friends that you aren't trying to sarge can be great for advice on style and the like and are even great for moral and other support (far more so than guys) when you are trying to sarge.

Hope some of this helps, if you have any questions feel free to post or pm me

wow thanks man, that was very helpful, especially on the 1 on 1 tips.

Dexter,

Here are some fragmented thoughts and hopefully some solutions.

A few things. First off, you're intelligent. Intelligence can be your best friend or your worst enemy and right now, you know it's the latter. Change that. Use your intelligence for good.

It's all about channeling your strengths. One recommendation, you're funny and sarcastic, but you have a hard time with one on ones. It would be beneficial to take a look at the things you're TRULY interested in and write a couple of paragraphs on your thoughts about them. Then when it comes time for the one on ones, talk about these genuine interests and the energy will naturally follow. Then she'll return the favor, don't be sarcastic there, just listen, nod, look serious.

Also, get out of your head man! I suggest buying a yoga dvd, the cool thing about it is that you're so busy in these poses that you have very little way of retreating to anything other than the present.

But that's only one example. Just be in the MOMENT.

Also, ROCK BOTTOM, your self-described rock bottom is great because you have nothing to lose. You literally have nowhere to go but up.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself whatever it is that you want to be, it's cheesy but it works. "I'm money." "I'm attractive" whatever it is, you will start believing it and others will soon follow suit.

Anyway, just channel your strengths positively and use your perceived weaknesses as opportunities.

Peace