Hey guys,
Ive been readin on this stuff for a while now, got a couple books, and it really has helped me actually understand women and how to attract them and how to interact with them.
But i have a question. Im not very social, i dont think its so much a lack of confidence or shyness. I just dont feel like i have it in me. Most the time im not in a talkitive mood and in conversations i dont have much too say. Im not very interesting, id say i was pretty boring myself. I can only really have fun with people who ive gotten to know and feel comfortable with.
Now im not talking just about women, i cant even really connect with guys. Sure i can small talk a little but i dont have any ideas how to make friends. I find it much easier to entertain a women then just have a convo with some dudes.
This really affects me in the relationship area, im not very social and i dont have many close friends.
My question is, can i change?? is it possible to somehow become the life of the party?? Ive been trying to be more social, forcing my self, ive seen some improvement but not that much, it just seems like i dont have it.
Are some people just stuck that way?
To be a PUA do you have to be extroverted, loud, entertaining all the time? Alot of PUAs talk about social proof and u need to "lead conversations" and all that.
I really like your opinions, especially if you know what im talkin about

ok dude no you do not have to be the life of the party to be successful with women. I am exactly the same way at parties and social stuff; I am not out there dancing or being the center of attention, but I meet and date a lot of girls. So get it out of your mind that you have to be a crowd pleaser to be good at this stuff. On the other hand, you will have to get good at talking to and having conversations with people. What you need to try to do is talk to everyone like they are a close personal friend. That was the one idea that made a big difference for me. When you speak to a person on that level they can instantly connect with you and will like you. One thing I did when I was starting was to go to social events. I would go to church events, school events, joined different clubs, took classes on cooking and stuff like that just to learn to talk to people. When I was starting going to a club or a party with the intent to talk to girls was just overwhelming so I found it much easier to go to events that conversation was built into like the things I just mentioned.

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Never let a woman define who you are.

first of all stop bein so fuckin emo.. omg I suck at life, I got an emotional boo boo. Calm down and look at things realistically. Feeling pain is fine, but focusing on it like it seems you have is counterproductive. I think you need to start looking at the good things in your life, in yourself, and in others.
I agree maybe your stereotype of puas is close to correct, but it is not an accurate generalization of all guys who get women. You do not have to be some happy go lucky guy who looks like hes a gay on crack to get women. I think something that may help you is to go out and just have some conversations with people. Even ones you know already, and instead of speaking so much I just want you to listen. Listen to what they are saying as closely as you can then respond in a realistic way. Not focusing on your problems, but on the good things about yourself. I really think you can do this man. I think you are cutting yourself short of the awesome person you really are. Let yourself be whoever it is you want to be.

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You have balls yes, but how often do you actually use them?

Self help.. that's mental masterbation. Self Destruction.. now we're getting somewhere!
"http://www.confidencedynamics.com"- science backed confidence coaching

damn, i must have missed the subtext

Look, the reason the best seducers in the world ARE the best seducers in the world is because they have developed the ability to make strong emotional connections with people in a very short period of time. Notice how I didn't say "connections with women". The best of the best connect with everyone around them. they are outgoing and likeable. That said, no, you don't NEED to be the life of the party, but you certainly, without a doubt need some social value. wandering around, not talking to anybody, standing by yourself, those are all ways to ward off attention and girls. Its a party, have FUN. Before you can seduce girls at a party or in a club, you need to be comfortable in the SPAM you're in. So stop worrying about the women right now and start focusing on enjoying yourself. Get in a party game like quarters or beer pong, dance with a girl or two, mingle. It wont be until you are able to have fun at a party that people will be drawn to you. If people see you having fun at a party, they will be inclined to want to participate in w/e you are participating in. It makes sense, people like to have fun. Other things you can do to engage people is to notice details. I was a party Saturday night, and I noticed a guy had an STX lanyard sticking out of his pocket, so I asked him if he played Lacrosse, he did (thats pretty rare in Cali) and we started to talk about it, infact it turned out that we used to play for the same club, and had the same coaches. things like that. If a guy has an FMF t-shirt on, ask if he dirtbikes, talk to people, be friendly. THEN comes seduction. Come back to us when you're at that stage, and we'll move forward, I don't wanna overload you.

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"He is god, he will understand. And if he does not, then he is not god, and we need not worry."
http://pickuplabs.com/blog/ Pick-Up Labs, lots of cool shit guys, free!

PrettyBoy's spot on.

You have this defeatest attitude of learned helplessness. This needs to change. Don't dwell on the problems and let them get you down, let them motivate you for change. I promise you that you CAN do it. If you don't believe me check out my post called "Transform...you CAN do it". Might be surprised.

Thing is you need to do it one step at a time and turn the sadness into a firey drive. Think you're not interesting? Take on some hobbies...what do you consider interesting or makes someone interesting? Whatever it is start getting into that. Maybe you're not the most social guy now and don't know what to say...but social skills is exactly that, a SKILL. With practice and repition your skill will grow as long as you keep taking the appropriate steps.

Last thing to keep in mind is this should all be FUN, not work. Enjoy the rejections and crappy nights because it shows you where you can improve and teaches you lessons. Experiment and try things out. One night do your best to be the life of the party and give it your all, and another try a laid back and uncaring type vibe.

I want you to print your post and keep it somewhere safe then develop your skill for the next year. After a year re-read it and prepare to be blown away...

Hope this helps

Psych