This post is one I wrote over a year ago that seemed to be very popular. Since I now have a deeper understanding of how things work I did have to tweak it a bit and also format it to make sense under AEM (attraction explained method, or AFC Adam's model)

I keep seeing here that people are having problems with the qualification stage and I've also been asked about this in person as well. This is by far the hardest stage to learn (and most important!) in the AEM. When I first startet I really struggled with it as well and tried to make up for it by hammering in Comfort and Breaking Rapport, which seems to be what a lot of guys do, but found it either didn't work or else I became the entertainer or dancing monkey. I couldn't figure out where I was going wrong but after a really off night of sarging and going over where I went wrong, I had an epiphane. Here's what I've discovered....

Many of us believe (as well as myself until now) that to make a woman ATTRACTED to you, you needed to DHV yourself, do Cocky Funny, False Disqualification, Teasing, and all the other countless stuff out there that's meant to attract. Basically we were under the mindset that attraction was done once we began seeing IOIs and felt we generated enough value. However this is NOT when attraction is created between the girl to you. It's where INTEREST is created and there is a major difference. A woman might be interested in you and find you fascinating and give you lots of attenion. But she isn't working to create a real and meaningful attraction yet, you're just a fun game for her in the moment. You might be the most interesting guy in the world with great stories and always out of her reach, and she will be into you cause you have high value, but as soon as you start showing sexual interest in her most times the girl will halt your advances. Most PUAs still believe though that by hammering in the Comfort and especially Breaking Rapport material they will make this attraction...or that they just didn't do it enough or the right way and when they don't do Qualification correctly and get blown out they are left confused because they believed the girl was attracted to them.

However if that was true WHY would we need Qualification to build attraction? At first glance and even many more it would seem Qualification falls under building comfort or more accurately an emotional connection because it seems we already have the girl attracted to us. This was my belief until I realized the main thing that creates attraction. This is something all of my girls whole heartedly agree on and were hard pressed to admit. They were actually scared because they realized I truly found what would make them attracted to someone!

According to the AEM, attraction is equal to investment which is completely true. However for deep attraction, where an Emotional Connection is thrown into the mix, attraction is created once a girl opens herself up to you by expressing unique qualities about herself and then you show GENUINE interest. When she truly realizes that you are interested in her for something no other girl has it shows in her mind that it's not just her looks that won you over, or any other external facotrs. A really hot girl is always used to guys being interested in them but they do nothing for it, no investment...they get desperate interest because of their looks. How many times have you asked girls a question only to prolong the conversation or just out of meek curiosity? This is desperate interest and can also be seen when you compliment or give IOI's to a girl for a generic comment.

I used to believe that just by making a girl qualify herself she would realize she's working for me and enhance the attraction. This is only part true. Many times a girl will qualify but it's very generic and things most girls would say anyways. You MUST make them qualify in a way where you get unique info from them and then show genuine interest in it. Obviously some of this genuine interest you show will be fake IOIs but the one's you dont fake and really can be interested in will show through your subcommunications and create a deeper level of attraction. However give false IOIs when she is unique too, better then not. The only trap is if you just are interested in EVERYTHING then she will feel you are fake and catch it. If you disagree on something (say music) let it be known and keep a playful air about it, this is breaking rapport. This only makes the things you do show genuine interest in that much stronger because it's not as common, like showing genuine interest for everything she does. Also keep in mind you shouldn't be forgetting about previous stages just because you're doing qualification, it's all cyclical so make sure and add comfort building and rapport breaking as well.

Here's an actual scenario that happened to me a while back, when I first realized all this, that might demonstrate my point. In qualification most of us are familiar with the idea of qualifying then rewarding the qualification and then possibly breaking rapport. I went into qualification material with my target after getting many IOI's and begain that system. I asked her if she could be anything in the world what would she be. With that qualifier she then began qualifying and said she wants to be a vet. I rewarded her in with IOI's then broke rapport by saying to bad she's still a dork. This looks like qualification done right however it's really not. The problem came from her end, what I thought was qualifying (her telling me she wants to be a vet) was just a generic answer and maybe even a shit test. I expressed interest in her job choice when there any many vets out there and while it does show SOME uniquness to her it's still not enough. I got a mild reaction from her after I did this because it did still show some unique side of her however it could have gone MUCH better if I just realized what I thought was her qualifying wasn't the real qualifying I wanted. It needs to be a deeper level.

Here's what should have happened. When she qualified and said she wants to be a vet I should have gone deeper and qualified her again. I could have asked her if she ever saved a dying puppy. Then she would truly qualify and reveal something unique about herself which I could then show genuine interest in and reward. This would create a much more powerful form of attraction with her since it gets her to invest more while also building more of an emotional connection. The more unique of an answer you can get the more powerful your genuine interest will seem.

Building comfort and then breaking rapport creates arousal tension which then creates the interest for the girl to allow herself to be unique with you. You basically broke rapport and her way of regaining it is through qualifying and investing. It takes away her social programming and canned responses so that REAL attraction can take place. However this doesn't mean that showing genuine interest alone will create attraction and that should be all you do. It still should work both ways and giving her things to be genuinly interested about (such as your DHVs) will also keep up the attraction. A girl will only invest if she finds you valuable.

The main realization to me came when I realized that it wasn't just enough to make a girl qualify, you needed to make her qualify in a way that shows she's unique and different from all other girls and then let her know you realize that. Don't settle for those generic or canned responses. For people struggling with qualification this might really improve your game, you simply need more meaningful qualification and investment on her part.

Excellent post, it's something I've kinda thought about recently but haven't been able to put into any kind of coherent words.

If you've ever read anything by in10se, he has some stuff that really helps in getting a girl to offer up more personal/unique qualification stuff. My personal favourite is based around 2 questions

1. What is it about... ?
2. What is it like... ? or What does it feel like... ?

So basically you ask a girl a normal qualifying question, then ask each of these questions in turn about her answer.

For example, you asked a girl what she would be if she could be anything in the world and she said "a vet". At this point you could ask "What is it about... being a vet that you would love so much?". For argument's sake lets say she replies with something along the lines of she loves animals and loves to help people or things in need. You then ask "what does it feel like for her to help something in need?". At this point she (hopefully) starts talking about her feelings on the matter and really opening up emotionally.

I know this isn't a great example, I actually only came across this stuff this morning so I haven't practiced it yet. It's basically a value and state elicitation routine but it's simple, easy to remember and great for getting into the deeper qualification stuff.

That type of style is very October Manish or NLP based. While I'm into it a little I find it's very easy to come off creepy and weird with it...however the idea is sound and in theory would work exactly right. Just a matter of calibration, delivery, and congruence.

My personal style is more "fun" and party based. If you want to put it in NLP terms I'd rather create NEW positive emotions in her at the present moment with me then elicit old positive emotions and anchor them to me.

Yeah it's definitely NLP based and that's generally not my thing either, to be honest I don't even know what the Octoberman sequence is beyond that it's an advanced and quite controversial NLP-based pick-up routine. But while this was originally intended as a state elicitation routine it can still be used for deep qualification without using any kind of anchoring. Essentially I just think the questions here (or even just the first one) are good for transitioning from the usual, skin-deep qualification into the deeper stuff.

I'm not disagreeing or anything here. I'm just trying to make myself understand this a bit better by thinking it out.

The essential idea behind you're original post is completely true though. Lots of 'PUAs' qualify and then show interest based on stuff that's really not unique or worth displaying such interest in. When you ask a qualifying question, it is important to then dig a little deeper on that question. Get her to express some core value regarding her character which you can then relate to.

This is an awesome post! I actually downloaded the page so that I can check back on it later.

Do you think you could teach us more about the difference between interest and attraction? Could you do something like list the which qualities/behaviors spark interest and which ones spark attraction? Cause when I'm doing my routines and stuff, I can't tell which ones make the girl get turned on by me and which ones just make me seem interesting.