John Alanis claims that he can make women approach you. He says he barely approaches and always gets approached by women. yet ive never once heard his name outsideof his site or newsletters. anyone know anything about him. anyone know how to get women to approach you? i dont want to have to approach basically because i have AA. sometimes it calms down but some days i feel sick im so nervous. any ideas?

Shred

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"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

When I was younger, I used to never approach girls. Not because of AA, but because I have always been a bit of a narcissist and back then I considered it "beneath" me to go up and talk to a woman. "That shit's for losers," I'd tell myself. "If she wants me she's going to have to take some initiative and bring her little chickenass over here."

It's all bullshit, man.

Why on earth would you want to limit your choice of women only to the ones who are willing to approach you? Regardless of what anybody tells you, there is no surefire way to guarantee every woman you find attractive will break through decades of cultural limitations imposed on them by society and come open you if only you could find some magical incantation to cast on yourself. It doesn't exist. Yes, some girls will open you. I had a very active sex life throughout my teenage years based only on girls who approached me; and yes, they were all good-looking. But when I think about the ones I missed out on because I refused to put down my ego and go open, it makes me sort of sad for what I missed out on.

You should spend your energy addressing your AA, not looking for a way around it.

im just trying to do something david deangelo and other gurus suggest. which is the tiger woods method. tiger is great at driving but crap at getting out of bunkers. so instead of working on his bunker technique. he worked on his drive. im trying to do a similar sort of thing. because really approaching women seems so so hard for me to do. my aa feels like its never gonna go. i dont knwo what i did but a girl approached me at college yesterday. i was very smooth and cool, she was loving it, i took her out to town at lunch. then, she hits on two of my friends. this kind of shit makes me feel so bad about women i dont want to approach them

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"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

I enthusiastically disagree with this method. That's not self-improvement, it's a wild goose chase for an easy way out. Borrowing another sports analogy, this is the difference between going to the gym and getting fit or trying all kinds of diet pills and hoping for the same effect. Bottom line: you're never going to have ripped abs and chiseled biceps unless you put in the work it takes to get them. The same philosophy applies to girls.
It sounds to me like your AA is rooted in a self-image problem, man. Quick: name 5 qualities about yourself that make you a catch any HB would be lucky to have. If you can't name them now, take as much time as you need and work on them. List them out on a piece of paper, then add 5 more things to the list.

Next, use those affirmations to internalize this statement:

1) If any girl is lucky enough to date me, it will be the best thing that ever happened to her.

If you ever start to doubt it, just go back to your list of great things about yourself for a reminder as to why you are such a great guy.

And finally, always remember that no matter what girl you're talking to, no matter how high value she seems to you or how hot she is, she is just one other person. Just because she got lucky in the gene pool doesn't mean she's worth this much concern or worry--and even if she was, guess how much good your worrying is doing? That's right, none whatsoever. To borrow a parlance of the great Kanye West: "There's a thousand you's, there's only one of me." This is the best attitude to have when approaching women.

(obviously if you want a serious relationship with a girl you're going to have to eventually lose that frame but for the time being, and especially as it applies to AA, I think it would help you a lot)

Let me know if this helps!

thanks man. thats real good. ill do that exercise. and also its helped with a situation i got in. yesterday, a girl from my music set whos been trying to speak to me for a while came up to me so i started a convo. we ended up hanging out for lunch, and it was going well. she was about a 6 btw, but shes pretty much my type so i was more interested. anyway, were talking then all of a sudden she starts talking to my friend matt and he amogs me. he just totally played it cool and amoged me outright. i didnt know he even did it, it was so subtle. tried to claw her back but it didnt work. so itslater on. she and i started talkin again and it goes well. another of my friends arrives and she knwos him. they chat, then he amogs aswell and starts flirting with her. i cant flirt at all i just dont understand it, so i couldnt do anything. then shes telling him how cute he is. im still kind of in shock. she didnt even say goodbye to me, she forgot i was there basically. i havent felt crap about it, just weirded out that my friends would shoot me down the first time ive got even a hint of success. but basically yeh man, thanks for this stuff, itsa pretty good. ill give it a go

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"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"