I was just wondering if anyone here might have any suggestions as to how I can cure an extreme case of terminal niceguyitis without becoming a complete asshole or jerk.


Robert.

Good question. I'm known by all my friends and family as a seriously nice guy, and while I don't want that to change, the key is not to let that lead to being a pushover for women. One thing I've done lately is ask myself when a "nice guy" test comes up with a woman: "How would I act if this were a friend/relative?" If a friend flaked on me, would I be cool with it, or would I tell them to have some consideration for my time and let me know in advance? Would I buy drinks/dinner in a given situation, or would the situation call for going Dutch? And so on...

Obviously, there are moments where things will be different because the relationship is different. However, that mental screening has recently helped me to avoid putting the girl up on a pedestal on a few occasions.

I handled it by saying "no" when asked to do something that i didn't want to do. That's how i handled it and now i am fine

I hear you man, but there are times when you do things you don't want to because it's the right thing to do. It's not even just about women, it's about what kind of person you are to those who are close to you. One of my best friends got completely smashed at his stag and threw up all over the floor of the condo we were pre-drinking at. Rather than make him clean it up at his own stag or have him get his ass kicked, I mopped up his mess - not because I wanted to, but because it was my boy and it was what a good friend would do. With women, I think the same thing applies. Depending on how close you are, you need to compare the situation with your existing values and determine if you are doing something consistent with your personality, or if you are being taken advantage of...

What i meant was if a girl asks for money and you don't want to give her any instead of sucking up to her just say "no" i understand that you cleaned up your friend's mess, that was cool and i respect you for that.

But if you keep agreeing to what a girl says you are going to come off as a loser and she's probably going to laugh about you with her friends.

For example one of my friends is the biggest beta male you will ever meet and because of that wheneever we are going out no one invites him and

I completely agree with you there man. I think the biggest problem with being a nice guy and not wanting to change that is knowing where to draw that line. If the girl - or anyone for that matter - hasn't done anything to earn your kindness, I think you're absolutely right that just cutting it off right there with a simple "no" is the way to go.

This isn't something you fight against. It's something you cultivate- I remember watching Smallville and Kent's mom said- "your greatest strength is your greatest weakness" conversely "your greatest weakness is your greatest strength."

Knowing it is a positive attribute you also need to balance it. The counterweight to this is BALLS. Only men have Balls...women don't. If you have balls it implies a ancient role to be played, its an automatic default. The protector.

The protector is a man who will protect his family/friends/people who he cares about/ even society to a point. He is humble and a servant, BUT only onto his own choosing. If one wants to go to cavemen, to warriors, to kings, to every high ideal of a Man- this is the one constant thread. He is willing to die happily if anything or anyone threatens his Loved ones. Ask yourself, would you take a bullet for your mom? Your sister? Your lover? How about your daughter or son?

Linking this to being "too nice"; this doesn't only apply in the physical sense, it goes into the emotional sense of "safe" and "I can take it". If you can protect a women, she can fully open up to you- no barriers. She trusts you with HER life essentially. This is where the good stuff of rapport & connection come through naturally. YOU need to open up 1st for her to do this though. Leading to "I can take it"

"I can take it" is a mentality that since you are willing to already die, you can take care of ANYTHING that may come your way. This includes the perceived negatives such as rejection, pain & the extreme of death. If anything, it is something great to have since these "negative" emotions put things in context for us and let us know we're alive. This is a bodily practice as well as a mental one.

Starting off with the body I highly recommend getting into an aggressive martial art, where you actually HAVE to spar. It'll give you a sense of being..."ya I can take care of myself" meaning "I can take care of others". The mental training you get from martial arts is great. Being calm & grounded is just one benefit. Other things you can do are working out or the highly recommand PSP tantra workout by Sean Messenger.

Balls are needed to balance being nice, I admit I'm still a nice guy- but you don't fuck with anyone I care about or Love. Putting the two forces together- a Man is born.

hey, im known for being a nice guy. to girls im in the friend zone with im great. i can make em feel good, but ive always had a problem with attraction. well i kinda naturally started negging girls without veen knowing about the pickup communtiy. i spose im just stubborn and no girl is gonna make me be all weak at the knees and like "omg your so right about that". im not a yes man, but, i would suggest, not going too far with it. i tell girls theyre stupid for not sharing my opinion and i pay for it now. i get lonely and miserable due to the fact i cant currently interest them to the point of attraction. but hey, thats why im here. if i were you, id private message Rye Lee, Sean Messenger or Hobbit. they are all fantastically motivation and have a new level of game. also, Zac Lui is great too. give them a pm and watch the results fly in. youll be great in no time man. being nice is not something everyone has, so your already halfway there. also, i fnd nice can be interchangeable with the word likeable. if youre likeable, you pretty much have it made man. hope this helped. if you wanna talk more, im always willing to chat. just private message me, im always happy to help.

your friend

Shred

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

I've been a truly "nice guy" all my life. In my 40's, I'm starting to wish that I had been just a little bit ruthless. I look at my life right now (which isn't bad at all, but certainly could be better) and wonder where I'd be if I had been just a little bit ruthless. About the only time I can recall being ruthless was when I essentially stole the woman who is now my wife from her abusive boy-friend...I felt like snatching her away was justified.

But the good news is that even though I'm 42, I still look and act mid-thirties or so...I look and act much younger than I am. I have more confidence now that I've ever had. My hair is getting thin, but women don't even seem to notice that. My teeth aren't exactly pretty, but I'm working on that plus women just don't seem to notice. I'm fit and have an attractive face and mischievous smile. I am becoming convinced that as long as you are not gross, it doesn't matter that much what you look like as a guy. This is hard for us males to understand...it usually does matter quite a bit to us what the woman looks like.

Gruuve

learn how to be "cocky funny" and also dont be afraid to touch the subject of sex.

You're probably right. I'm trying to work on that along with the neg theory issue, but I'm also working on Ross's patterning techniques as I figure that probably the best way to approach it is to be cocky & funny at first with a few playful negs thrown in and then once she comes down off of her high horse I can start going into the patterning techniques and the fluff that Ross tends to talk about.

I'm not sure if I am on the right track, but I hope so.

It not about being nice or being an asshole, its about understanding how the attraction mechanisms work and letting them guide you.

After two LTR's, I'm finally getting back into the game and think that my view on life might help you:

1. In the end, you're always the ass anyway, so be nice to her, but nice to youself, too. If a LTR ends or even if you just approach and get shot down, having tried to be a nice guy and please her won't have helped anything. You will always be the one responsible for things not working, regardless of what she did wrong and what you did right, so just state your mind and do what you want and, if she wants to follow, cool. If she doesn't, do what you want anyway and don't apologize for having your own mind.

2. Don't be nice, don't be an ass--be alpha-nice. If you don't lie to her or decieve her, and she wants to spend time with you, you're still a nice guy. I personally think that more nice guys decieve women than alphas, because they have needs and desires, but feel the need to lie to seem nice. I always start talking about sex as soon as possible and openly state that I'm not looking for a relationship. If she wants something from me, good. If not, enjoy the conversation and keep an eye out for more sexually-interested HB's to bring into your conversation.

Being alpha-nice means that, whereas a "nice guy" would have lied to her to get into her pants and then torture both parties with an unpleasant relationship, the alpha-nice guy openly states his interests, both parties enjoy the sex, LTR, whatever and, when its no fun anymore, he tells her and they continue their lives with other people.

3. Nice guys are assholes. Nice guys always seem to complain about: she won't date me because she just likes jerks, she cheated on me, she only wants sex once per month, etc. Nice guys are always talking bad about their ex's. Alphas are "nicer" when talking about their ex's because they know that women really do need and want sex, too, which means that both parties are happier (if the sex is good for her, she'll need at least as much as you and won't cheat if she's wondering what you'll do with her next) and, when the relationship runs out of gas, they admit it and move on before both parties start hating each other.

I hurt a girl once because I was trying to be too nice. Since then, I've just been me and I feel a lot better about myself because of it.