The big question is how do you make a insecure girl feel secure?

Do you just leave if you realize it can't be done or...?

Increase her value... I don't know other than that there is a few little things here and there that you can do but basically you should try to make her feel good about herself. I don't know myself this is a very tough subject, i'd love to hear from other people on this topic.

yes, to make her feel more secure you'll need to increase her perceived self worth and self confidence.

to do that you'd need to compliment her, pay a lot of attention to her, make her laugh a lot and be very optimistic about everything around her. you'd basically need to get her to see herself (and everything else) through your eyes and not her own. you could also teach her a few new things to make her see that she's capable of more than she thought...

through doing this you'll become the guy that picks her up when she's down, the guy who always makes her feel better and teaches her shit. the problem with this is that she'll become needy and accustomed to your attention and you'll most probably lose all attraction because you're complimenting her and giving her all the attention she wants.

however, through investing all that time in her you'd be making a really good friend and leaving her better than you found her, which i feel is more important than hooking up.

I made a post awhile ago that I think will help you out. So here's the condensed version of what I did. I've only used it once but it worked and I don't think it was a coincidence.


Hey look at your feet for me
-Why?
Just do it for me
---she looks
What do you see?
-My feet?
not your self-esteem? I mean come on you seem like a great girl.


-OR-


Hey what's that on the floor?
-What
Gee it's your self-esteem


This is a pretty big 'push' or neg so make sure you throw in a little 'pull', especially if she's got a terrible outlook anyways, so it is imperative that you say something to the extent of "come on, I mean you're a great girl so come on" Build her up after. Have something to compliment her on.

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i cant see that getting you any more than a brief smile. she probably just hid the insecurity from you but you didnt really make any difference at all.
all you did was to point out to her that her insecurity is obvious and that you think she's great without giving her any reasons for thinking so. it's a statement of observation followed by a hollow compliment.

insecurity isn't something that you get from breaking a friggin nail... it comes from past experiences thats broken you down over time and it takes a shitload more than "hey, what's that on the floor" to get an insecure person to be truely self confident again.

Thanks for pointing that out. So disregard that haha don't use it.

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Havn't tried it myself but Vin DeCarlo talks about a strategy he calls 'shaping'. It works by pointing out instances where the 'subject' displays the attributes you want to encourage and basically complimenting them on it.

I'm exactly not sure what you mean by 'insecure', but I assume she basically has low confidence/self esteem. So, you simply find an example of a time she's acted like a confident person and at an opportune time say something like "I really impressed when you... It showed a lot of confidence".

By treating her as a confident/assertive/outgoing or whatever person, she is more likely to think and act that way in the future.

If you try it out, keep us posted!

i like this... good post.

i remember reading something similar somewhere... either an ebook or a newsletter or something where the author introduced a similar concept but i never really took much notice of it. it basically came down to "shaping" by making statements like "you look fun" to get the person to be fun or friendly or open minded or adventurous etc. the concept was that if you make a statement like that as an outsider then they'd actually feel as if they are fun etc and they would be more likely to act as such.

never tried it but it just sparked my curiosity... will try it as soon as my exams finish.

This is an interesting topic. Most of us learn ways to deliberately make a girl more insecure, in a way to knock them off their high horse so we can game them easier.
Your looking to increase a girls self esteem and sense of security. You can reinforce a girls confidence just by accepting everything she does, and telling her sequentially in a way that builds confidence things about her which are good qualities.

Whats the story may I ask?

An LJBF girl that sleeps with jerks because of her low self esteem?
A little sister your worried about?
A girl you want to game that is too shy to even look you in the eye?
What?

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Symptons of neediness
Lack of communication
Shows abit Independence

Truthfully I want to understand this topic better, because Where I'm at this happens more often then I realize even to some girls I want to game.

Good question. I assume that you do not mean for ever and ever but for the moment...
To increase someones selfconfidence takes time (this is why we struggle with inner game), many psychologists earn a nasty amount of money on this.
I would say that if you like her for a quality that is not her looks, let her know! It is not AFC to be nice if you have established that you are the leader of men. Alpha males can afford to show appreciation to others, in fact sometimes that raises your status even more. (Think of patronizing without the bad parts.)

Hi I'm new to these forums...

I wanna throw out a theory here...

It's that girls with low self-esteem are not necessarily harder to attract, they just take longer. Because you need one more step in the process, and that is "attract herself". Whatever you do in this phase does not have to interfere with any other phase, or even put you in the friend zone.

And here's the essence of my theory... no matter how long (unless it takes months and months ) this step takes, you can be a friend and "build" her, as long as you move forward as soon as you see the opportunity. Once she's "up and running" she will start to process her impression of you, so you have to act fast.

I don't know if this made sense to everybody, and I find myself sort of confused as well. It was just a thought that came into my mind.

Having more one on one time with her is a plus. Make sure you gives her compliments such as, you look gorgeous, I love it when you smile, compliments about her perfume, outfit, etc.... telling the girl she looks gorgeous in the morning right when she wakes up (wearing no make-up). Take her out to dinner, movies, etc.... Make sure you do not checkout other chics! (atleast dont get caught ) Make sure you do not go OVER BOARD with the compliments cause then she can tell your just BSing

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