Be the man, take control of the situation. And don't lose sight of the prize frame... she wanna be with you? She has to earn it.

Yeah, you have to be sure she doesn't take you for granted. Not always being there and showing her YOU run your own life (not her) are two ways of making her less sure about where she stands with you. Letting her know you like her and care for her is important, but like when you're using the onion theory, don't give her more than you get from her. In fact, giving her slightly less now and then can be a good idea. f she says "I really like being with you" you say "yeah, it was a great idea going to a movie, I feel really comfortable with you too" (a situational example, of course). If she says nothing, you say nothing.

Think about your actions too, not just the words... Are you calling her more often than she calls you? Cut down on the phone calls. Are you always the one taking initiative to makeouts/sex? Stop showing her physical affection so much. Once in a while when you hang out with her try giving her no more than a "hello" and "goodbye" hug. Make her wonder about how interested you really are, without being cold.

And when she goes on one of those push/pull benders, don't get carried away. She's just testing you, whether she knows it or not. If she REALLY wanted to marry you, she'd have worked harder towards a stable relationship... And if she REALLY had a boyfriend (as in a serious monogamous relationship) she wouldn't mess around with you. She gets carried away by her own emotions. You can't be swept along if you want her. Be steady. Be the rock.

I've asked my ex and another female friend... they both say the same thing, basically. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her "You either choose me or that other guy. I'm sick of this. Be my girlfriend or say goodbye." My ex also said "It's really really important that he sticks to the ultimatum and doesn't wuss out". Actually her first words when I presented the problem was something along the lines of "dump the ******* bitch", but that wasn't very helpful, so I pressed on for other advice

I pretty much agree... After all, in a way all monogamous relationships begins with an ultimatum. To be monogamous means choosing ONE person over the rest of the world. BUT, If you show her how suited you are to be her bf (as I and Locke has described) I think you can increase the chances of her choosing you. Hold off on the ultimatum for a bit, and then deliver it when you feel that she's really started chasing you.

After that comes the hard part. You have to stick to it. It's either your way or the highway. If she wants time to think, give it to her... but meanwhile you two should have no contact whatsoever. And if she choses the other guy it's sayonara. You don't call her, ever. And unless she calls you to tell you she's changed her mind, you hang up on her. That's the only way to win her over. You HAVE TO BE READY TO LOSE HER! That's the only alternative, unless you want to keep doing this her way until she gets bored of you.

I really appreciate the advice, from you and your ex and freind.. definatley clears things up a bit. I was actually out with her and some friends last night and did what you siad. i never gave her more than she gave me, and it seemed to really work. towards then end of the night she said " i had som much fun, thanks for bringin me, ur so much fun." and i responded with yea it was fun, glad you came too, and thats it. Then she started talking about our past, and she wants to go out next wek and do the same exact thing that we did one of the first times we ever went out and the first time we hooked up... thought that was a little wierd, not sure if i should do that or not, what do you think?
As for the "dump the ****** bitch!" advice.. trust me I've heard that from EVERYONE, haha but i can;t bring myself to cut her out just yet, although it may come to that.
My plan is this, im going to work on the advice you guys gave me which was really helpful, and go on vacation with her if things are going well, and after that I'll give her the ultimatum... maybe.. haha. No, i think i will after that.
Anyway, I'll keep you guys updated on what's goin on, and i hope you can give me some insight on whatever happens.. thanks guys.

Just try not to worry about stuff too much and you'll do fine. Just keep the good work up. If it works out, then fine. Otherwise youll at least know you tried your best. You cant always win, and you cant always keep giving people new chances. Somewhere you have to draw the line, even with people you love.