This is actually a fantastic post. All the ideas here hit home and seem like they would really work. When I am in social situations (especially with girls), I am nervous and choke because I care what they think too much. When I am at WORK, I am money with openers and conversation. This is because I am ACTING friendly to everyone and it is easier, also, I am not in the mindset of caring what people think of me. I am there to do my job and nothing else.

Thank you for this and I will try it ASAP.

-Glaze

_________________
"Always have a better answer."

o shit..this stuff is golden. i spend most of my day thinking, thats why im so solitary..

I'll try this out

Sincerly man that is great way of overcoming Social Shyness. Albert Einstein said this Quote: "Is not that i am smater that other people, is just that I stay longer with problems". Einstein was a very Anti-Social person he was always inside of his mind thinking.

Absolutely fantastic post.

Just finished half a year of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for shyness and you could have written the book, A1.

I'll try to summarize the most important things I've found in my journey from "too shy to answer the phone" (literally much of the time) to starting conversations with strangers...

1 ALWAYS AND I MEAN ALWAYS STAY IN THE MOMENT. Never visit the impossibilities of the past or the fears of the future... by all means make plans but don't rehearse things going wrong.

2 STAMP ON YOUR THOUGHTS... if you realize you're having negative thoughts like "how will they react if I say..." cut them out any way you can. Personally I scream "BLAH BLAH BLAH". Doing this in your head, not out loud is good.

3 DON'T START WITH 10s. You've got to step up... The elderly are fantastic for this, they often live very lonely lives... when you're in a queue with a wrinkly, say hi, ask them if they've got the time (incidentally lose your watch, this one's great practice), ask for directions. They'll often be grateful for human contact and you get practice. Then move onto random ugly people. Then normals. Then Kiera Knightly, Jessica Simpson and Anne Hathaway..

4. YOUR FEELINGS FOLLOW YOUR ACTIONS, not the other way round. This I'm afraid, is the "no pain, no gain" bit... you gotta do something sooner or later. Just start with an easy experiment like asking a wrinkly the way to the post office, then review how it went. It'll almost definately have been easier than you thought. Then move on...

5 GET A LIST OF THINGS TO CHANGE TOGETHER AND REVIEW IT DAILY... spend half an hour every day telling yourself that you're ALREADY getting better at being social, that your thoughts are behaving positively, that you're good at starting conversations, that you live in the present, and to a good extent the rest will follow.

6. It won't come over night and anyone who tries to sell you any immediate "cure" is lying to you. You need to practice and keep at it.

Tapes/ printed stuff from the "social anxiety institute" helped me... backed up by a therapist once a week. Try them or any other reputable settup.

You're not alone, this is one of the most common problems in the world (one in seven people at some time in their lives)... it's just not known because the seriously shy tend not to talk about it, that would involve drawing attention to themselves...

BUT YOU CAN DO IT!

I agree, totally awesome. Once you change your inner reality, your outer reality will work itself out.
I've found Eckhart Tolle's teachings to be priceless in helping me find that state of "higher consciousness". I HIGHLY recommend you check out his book "A new Earth" as it will give you a lot of amazing epiphanies about the way your mind works. I found the teachings about the ego really useful in tackling my AA and running a set.
Basically the ego is your self image/identity and whenever it comes under attack (e.g. a bad approach can devalidate you), the mind will try to defend it or reinforce it any way it can. In this way you're living your life in fear because outer circumstances are always variable and may devalidate you if you let them.
Your self identity is also constantly trying to complete itself in the future. This is why some PUAs get stuck in the trap of learning more material in the hope of finding that success they dream of in the future. However, this book will make you realise that you're already whole and complete IN THIS MOMENT. All levels of desparation and neediness to get somewhere then disappear.
I believe Tyler Durden talks about this stuff in depth in his Blueprint decoded program.
Anyways good luck.

that was awsome CK

Awesome post, I am going to give that mentality a try because currently the approach is my most troublesome area. Even thinking about approaching makes me shudder.

thx for the advice

nice post

opened my eye's a bit

What you're describing is called mediation

This is actually fantastic.

I'vee been considering that whole, 'Do not drift' as I think it is a HUGE part of shyness. Almost living inside of your head.

Have you ever sat, as he shy guy, in a conversation, laughing, enjoying everything, thinking to yoursef how funny this is, what you think about the stories etc...and suddenly think.

'I havent said a single word in this conversation '

And you just suddenly realise, because you actually think of things to say. But ebcause your in your head, you just think them

Good post.

This thread is awesome, some of the best stuff I have read is on here in terms of AA.

If there is any post that should be a sticky...

Tyree

hey, im fairly good at conversing one on one but in a group i become very quiet and shy, are there any specific techniques to combat this??

Thanks! I'm not a shy person, at least not really, but I'm still gonna give some of them a go!