| Oktoberfest
I went to Oktoberfest, like most people, to drink superior German beer. I had no intention of doing any PU at all. But I ended up using the Apocalypse Opener as a close line and probably would have got laid were it not for logistics.
On the Friday night (2nd night there), I drank 2 steiners (big 1 litre glasses of beer, about double my limit for PU outings). Oktoberfest closes at 10.30 so we got a taxi back to the hotel bar, which was heaving with American tourists and a small group of European women in the corner by the window.
I went up to the room, put on a hoodie (not exactly the uniform for PUAs) and went back down to meet my mate at the bar. He was talking to a blonde HB9 from California with legs to die for. He kept negging her about not taking off her glasses. She wasn’t reacting well to the negs, and he kept persisting. I know a neg blow up when I see one (they are particularly easy to trigger in Northern Ireland), so I went outside to the smoking area.
It was full of Canadians and Americans. I introduced myself and played the Irish card to full effect. Mystery Method is all about being the centre of attention and the life of the party, but when you’re an Irish guy walking into a crowd of drunk Americans, you don’t even have to try. It all got a bit weird though when one of the Americans asked me did I know Denis Leary (?!).
Of the crowd, there was a blonde HB8 in a drindl (German traditional womens’ dress kind of like a tight corset with a pleated skirt attached to it), and a HB7 with enormous tits and an irritating squeaky voice. The males were a few regular guys, a very friendly Canadian AMOG and the worlds biggest AFC ever who turned out to be HBDrindls brother.
I fluffed them all for a bit and befriended the AMOG. Then I was challenged by HBEnormousTits to go and start a conversation with the European looking women in the corner.
Haha, I thought to myself, you don’t know that I’ve been working on this shit for the last 2 years!
I opened the tallest and best looking of the Europeans with the “who lies more” opener, and she responded blandly. We started conversing, she turned out to be Dutch. It didn’t go particularly well, I found her to be incredibly bland and mechanical in her responses. Perhaps because of the language barrier or her dry manner, I just couldn’t tease her about anything. She started saying she and her friends had to go to bed soon. I realised that I was about to crash and burn, so to save face with the Americans, I made my exit before the HBDutch did.
I then found myself sitting inside where HBEnormousTits was bragging about the size of her norks. HBDrindl said to guess the size of hers, I said C cup. At this, the AFC brother tried to assert himself by saying something along the lines of “dude, that’s my sister, I don’t appreciate people talking about my sister in that way”. Despite being relatively intoxicated, I managed to pull a DHV out of the hat here and convince him that I used to work in a tailors (true), and that I could guess someone’s size just by looking at them. I then guessed his suit jacket size, he said I was correct. (I can usually guess a man’s size of suit from past experience, but my ability to guess a woman’s cup size comes from years of reading Playboy, not from my time measuring cloth. No wonder PU originated in America, they’re so gullible). They were all pretty impressed that I could guess his size.
At this point, super AFC guy managed to somehow or other pull HBEnormousTits and they went up to his hotel room. I hung around with HBDrindl and fluffed for a while. She mentioned HBEnormousTits’ enormous tits and I said that it was just a shallow thing to go after a woman for her big tits. She agreed, I then used this to launch into “can I ask you a question? Do you think there’s a difference between attraction, and falling in love?” and the Falling in Love Pattern.
After that we fluffed a little longer. Then I said
“What are you doing for the rest of the night?”
She said she didn’t know
“I’m going upstairs, do you want to come with me?”
She just said “Yeah it’s time for me to go upstairs too”
We both got up and went to the staircase where the elevators were. Before the elevator could arrive we were round the corner making out furiously. I can’t even remember exactly how it happened. One moment I was pushing the “up” button, the next, she had me up against the wall. Tits never feel so good as when they’re under a dirndl, it lifts them up without splaying them out, once again Germany leads the way.
Anyway, the making out got very hot and I asked her if she’d like to go to her room (I was sharing with 2 others and they were fast asleep). She pointed out that her brother was already there with HBEnormousTits.
So, with no chance of going upstairs, we went down a floor to the area where the spa, swimming pool, gym place was. We searched for somewhere to go but everything was locked (this was about 1am), so we just kept making out against the wall. She demanded to feel how hard I was, and when I let her, she started groping me like she was trying to find her car keys down a manhole. I started poking around in her pussy like someone trying to find a light switch in the dark.
Now we both needed some sort of hand towel. Or possibly a hand dryer. That Dyson Airblade is awesome.
I asked her if we were going to see eachother again (trying to set up a Day 2 for when the hotel rooms are free for proper, hands-free sex). She said no, and that if I saw her in the hotel the next day just to say hello and that nothing else would happen.
This all sounds like a lot of fun, I do however have 2 regrets
1. That her AFC brother beat me to the bedroom, but like I say, I was out of form
2. That it wasn’t the Dutch girl
If you have any advice on how I could have gotten HBDrindl up to the bedroom before her brother got HBEnormousTits up there, I’ll take it very seriously.
Keep ripping those bodices,
Z
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CHAT