Hey guys,
Lately I’m having some heavy issues with onitis. I basically want to move on and take the experiences and learn from them and grow as a person. But for that I need to find the actual reason what is lacking in my life. Of course a quick remote diagnosis isn’t that great but I don’t know where to start and how to see things.

(A quick explanation on the situation, you may want to skip)
I actually could have had this girl I’m having onitis with but she was very drunk so I didn’t want to abuse that state and also a guy from my class made out a few times with her and loved her but he was shot down one months before that and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings… please don’t tell me how stupid it was, I’ve probably beaten myself up a hundred times (this actually amplifies this oneitis). I then tried to escalate the following weekends until I realized I’d destroy myself, so I sent her a text message where I told her I loved her and explained everything that happened to me since I fell in love in order to make it impossible for me to game her any longer.

Now I’m dwelling on what actually drawed me to her? A person said that I would seek validation in her that I couldn’t find in myself and that I need to feel good about myself and realize that I AM of high value. I tried to internalize that and work on my belief and search for evidence that it’s true (e.g. when my friends tell me how awesome I am or something like that). So I think I grasp the concept of knowing I can get other girls who valuate me, but there’s a different issue.

It’s sexual neediness… I actually saw in this girl (HB10) the perfect partner for a serious relationship. Back in my afc days I realized that some girls were really into me but I just didn’t think they were the right ones. Maybe it’s fear of bonding, but I really tried the past days to concentrate on other girls in order to game on and see that she’s not special, but honestly, I couldn’t find one girl that could match her looks…

So every time I would imagine myself being with one of those girls I feel like I would progress backwards! I don’t know what I should do now in order to get over this oneitis (or reframe it or whatever), because I am so damn desperate and needy I feel because I, myself, fucked it up and could have made it. And at some point I feel like I want to show her what she missed and make her regret it (she said she would also want to write a message which would be great feedback, but probably she just said it because she didn't want that awkward situation or she simply will flake)

So any help from you guys would be perfect!

Pulsebeat

i apologize for being so forward, but you are the typical afc. this girl you are obsessing over is not that special. You need to start thinking about other girls and get straight back into the game. Divert your focus from her and actively game other girls. This will take your mind off things and will make you realize that there are dozens of girls out there that are as good as or better than this one girl. I've had your problem quite a few times before getting into the game, so i do know exactly how you feel, and I know it sucks. But you need to get over it, and start to realize that there are great girls all over the place.

i am suffering from one-itis, just try to stop thinking about her