This is a variation of the jealous girlfriend opener.
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Hey guys let me get a quick female opinion on something.

Ok how would you feel... if you’ve been dating a guy for about 4 month, and he’s still friends with his ex? Like, she still visits him and stuff. But they’re just friends, and she sees him like once a week at most. Ok well here’s there other thing. What if he still has pictures of his relationship with his ex in his drawers?

I mean, it’s just pictures of him and her hanging out, like I threw out all the more intimate stuff, I mean, He threw out all the more intimate stuff, so it’s just pictures of him hanging out with his ex. Yea ok anyway the reason I’m asking is because recently I kind of broke up with my girlfriend because of that, like She knew I was still friends with my ex – Oh by the way, the ex was the one that I sort of broke up through text message, well not exactly.

Actually let me ask you another question. If you take a guy you’ve been dating for a while out to dinner, and the waiter asks the guy “Is that your girlfriend?” and he says “No, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my BEST friend”, how would you react? Because that’s actually how my 2nd to last relationship sort of ended, it wasn’t exactly through text. Later that night was when she texted me and asked “Are we really just best friends now? “ with the little frowny face. Then I texted her the break-up message. I mean, that’s kind of acceptable right? I mean, we’re still best friends so I’m assuming I broke up the right way.

Well anyway, now I’m gonna get into a whole different story. I’m not going to say I felt bad about ending the relationship, cus I think we’ll both be happier in the long run, I didn’t really think she was “The One” anyway. But I did visit one of my guy friends the next day cus that’s kind of the thing to do after a breakup, like you know, you go to your friends and talk about stuff. So me and my friend kinda just chilled the whole day, we played xbox, watched a movie, and basically just went crazy doing whatever we want in manhattan. And here’s the weird part. Towards the end of the day, I kind of felt attracted towards him, and that was actually the first time I ever felt any attraction towards a guy. I’m assuming it’s just cus I’ve recently been dumped and all this is messing with my mind, anyway that’s the end of the gay stuff. I'm pretty sure I'm straight. (just saying this part cus i used being gay as a false disqualifier once in the past)

Oh wow I keep getting carried away, where was I with my first story. Oh yea, so I’m still friends with my ex, and my recent girlfriend left thinking I’m cheating on her, which I’m not too bothered about cus we didn’t exactly click, know what I mean?

Anyway, so that’s my story. Let’s hear yours.

it's ok, but it's a little too long

It's alright but it is too long.

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The best nookie is chinookie.

Too long, too complicated, too back-and-forth. It'll be easy to lose her along the way if she's not very interested already. Remember that she'll probably interupt for questions and stuff (if you keep her interest)... this story could probably take forever to tell The idea of a variation on the jealous girlfriend routine is not bad tough. But I would avoid talking too much about my own exes with someone I've just met... you could easily come across as weak or in need of a "replacement" for your ex... But then again, with a strong enough frame you could probably make almost anything work

Like everybody else said, it's too long. Brevity is a virtue. Say as much as you can while saying as little as posbbile.

Well, this opener is not so great. Well, OK . . . it's really really painful. The length of the story itself is not the real problem. The problem is that you completely forgot why you're doing this in the first place.

"Do nothing which is of no use." - Miyamoto Musashi. The Book of Five Rings.

There is a purpose for every aspect of this game. We follow these steps to close the deal. In regards to the opener, the purpose is to:

1. Initiate conversation.
2. Gain some basic trust.(So they know we're not crazies)
3. Draw some curiosity/interest so that they're willing to continue the communication process.

That's it. We're done. Go back and read your post again and look for which aspects of your story helps initiate conversation. The length(everybody mentioned this already) itself prohibits the hb's from even opening their mouthes. Which aspects of the story draws curiosity? How did you gain trust? Dude, I tried 3 times to read your story and I couldn't get past the second paragraph. This is just plain boring and its bad story telling because you seem to be the only person who might remotely be interested. I'd say just start over again because I can't think of one aspect off this opener that you could work off of and improve but I can I think of a lot of things that's wrong it. . . in the first 2 paragraphs.

Here's one: All the by "the way's" and "I means" and "one other thing" . . . makes you sound like you failed English 101 and have the attention span of a guy afflicted with add who forgot to pop his pills in the morning. It can however work to your advantage for short openers like, "Hey, that's a beautiful dress . . . I mean . . . it's a really hot look for you. By the way, you always go clubbing dressed like a bridesmaid?"

Don't forget why we're doing any of this . . .

I agree with the above post, it's not too long, just not sure what the point is. In a story you want to build attraction.

Here's a shitty example that illustrate some of the things a story should do. This story is pure bullshit and thought of as I typed so most likely it needs some work, but will give a basic idea of how stories work to build attraction.

Personally I'd want to start by opening with something relevant to my story. For my story Maury Povich would work great.

The opener is, "If you were invited by an ex to appear on Maury Povich would you go?" You could get all sorts of answers which really I could care less about.

I'd follow up with, "A friend of mine thinks his ex is trying to pull him onto one of those baby daddy shows. I'm like don't do it man." There will be responses, but my opener is pretty much finished, so now I want to transition.

"Speaking of not wanting to be on TV shows, that reminds me of something that happened last week," and now I run my story.

To start my story I wanna hook. "You guys ever had one of those moments you swear you were on a hidden tv show or something like candid camera? Like at any moment you expected the camera crew to come running out?"

They respond most likely with yes, and I now have their attention to run my story.

"Okay well check this out. I was with my friend and we were shopping at X mall. I had this business conference coming up and needed a woman's opinion on a good tie to go with my suit. We had pretty much finished shopping, but she wanted to go to Victoria Secrets to get some lotion, and somehow she talked me into going in with her."

I've qualified myself by making it subtlety known that I have female friends, and on top of that female friends that feel comfortable going into Victoria Secret's with me. Additionally I've made it clear I have a job that requires travel and a suit.

"I figured what the hell she helped me pick out a kick ass tie. So, I'm like whatever just hurry up, because any guy just standing there in Victoria Secret has creepy written all over him. Anyways, we go in there and she does the normal chick thing of asking my opinion on all these outfits. I have to kindly remind her that she's in there to get lotion."

Some guys would be love the opportunity to go into a Victoria Secret's with a girl, but I want it to be known that I am high value and for me to agree to go in there with her, is a favor to her.

"We come out and just before we walk out, this woman walks out and the alarm sounds. And you know how it is when the alarm sounds at a store. Even if you know you haven't done anything, you still freeze right?"

I'm checking in with a question, to make sure I still have the set's attention.

"Anyway the chick in front of us gets stopped by one of the Victoria Secret clerks. The alarm went off on this big chick. Not fat, but big, like 'I play NFL linebacker big.' You know what I mean?"

Humor always works well in attraction.

"And this clerk is like model size like your build (point to one of the girls in the set)."

This is an accidental compliment. It's not so direct that it seems obvious, but the girl will still like it.

"The clerk is like ma'am I need to search your bag. Linebacker is like, 'Fuck you, you ain't searchin shit!' And then she slaps the clerk. My friend and I were dumbfounded. But this is the really funny part. This clerk couldn't have been more than (point to the girl again in the set) what are you 110, 115? (don't wait for her answer) Anyway she proceeds to whoop this girl's ass. I mean we're talking like a Bruce Lee ass-whooping. The clerk was on her just waling away till the linebacker was on the ground trying to cover up in the fetal position. And the worst part about it was that no one was gonna do anything. I mean it was funny as all hell, but hey there's a line here. Finally I was like, this isn't right, so I went over and tried to break it up."

I show that I am alpha by being the only one with the courage to break up the fight.

"I won't lie, I was a little bit leery of if this girl was gonna turn on me. When I pulled her off she was still feisty and trying to have a go at her. The whole time I'm like this has to be on camera or some shit. This can't really be happening. I kept waiting for the Candid Camera crew to come out."

Now I have shown how this story is relevant to my initial hook question at the top.

"I get this clerk off of the girl, and guess what she had to say for herself? (pause) "Oh, oh, I guess that was real unprofessional of me. Umm..." And she just walked off, back into the store as if nothing ever happened. I mean what the hell, right?"

And the story is over.

This story needs work but a few key things. From story to opener everything flows. The story is funny which builds attraction with the set. The story has a few DHV spikes that helps show me as being a high value male and not some other chode approaching the set. The story ends with in a way that allows more conversation with the set.

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Elite Game to destroy the competition...YouGetTheGirl.com!!!

Yeah man the main points you needed to get across are definately there. I have some critisicisms that i hope could assist you improving. firstly you need an effective false time constraint for an opener that is that long.The first thing that a girl starts thinking as soon as you enter the set is - ok how long is this guy gonna bug me for. I think that you need to get the same message across in less words. throughout the whole opener you say add-ons such as by the way. also you are actually asking her permission for her to listen to you. you do this by keep stating - let me ask you another question. instead change it so that she has no choice apart from listen to you. what you have to say should be so important (to her anyway) she shouldnt have your blessing on it!!! it should be a treat! why not instead say - ok ill stay for a tiny little bit longer and let you give me your second opinion on this
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