[DISCLAIMER: Looooong post]
[DISCLAIMER 2: I'm only offering my opinion and whats worked for me in the past, as well as friends i've encouraged to do the same. This isn't God's word]
Quote:
i cant really go any further afield SPAM, but does anyone know anything for guys who are quite a bit below average looks to boost their confidence and self esteem.
When I was a little younger than you I had extreme self esteem problems. At first I grew my hair at a time when few people in the school would dare. Then I dyed it a variety of colours before settling on black. During this (low-level) peacocking process, I was given a LOT of compliments by strangers, which slowly but surely helped me become more confident and actually start talking to people.
When I grew that little bit older, I began trying various hair styles - again, garnering more compliments from strangers and boosting my confidence further. At the same time I started developing my image from the "young kid going through stereotypical alternative look" phase and begun to make it my own, I'd buy outrageous clothes and wear them at any oppurtunity. Basicly, peacocking.
Now since you've got a lot of material already, this may seem irrelevant. But what I'm trying to address here is your self esteem problems. I'm not saying "You should go alternative, it'll get you laid!", but heres my advice to help your self esteem, it might make you feel stupid but it WILL work...
What you need:
Eyeliner
Variety of wigs (lengths/colours)
Digital camera/webcam
Mirror
Make-up removal wipes
Internet connection
Social networking site accounts
A day where you have nothing planned.
Optional:
Straighteners
Hair Gel/Hairspray/Wax
Mascara
Eye shadow
concealer
Foundation suitable to your skin tone
What you do:
STEP 1 - Make up
Once you've gathered your supplies, sit in front of the mirror and start applying your make up. Start simply with a thin line on your bottom eye-lid. If you feel it doesnt quite work, attempt to put a thin line all around your eyelids, this should make your eyes stand out more and will attract attention. If you're happy with how you look with the eyeliner, DONT make it any thicker. If you think you could do wish some more, do it subtly. Try to avoid becoming a panda
If you bought the optional supplies, apply the foundation first if you want to hide any acne or freckles.
NOTE: Make sure that the foundation is suitable for your skin tone, this means going to a beauty shop where they sell these supplies and asking for some assistance with choosing the foundation. If they are any good, they should offer to help you test some free of charge.
After you've applied the foundation, then put the eyeliner on as explained above. Then apply any of the other optional supplies in moderation if you feel you need it.
Step 2 - Hair & pictures.
At this point style your hair using your straighteners first (if your hair is long enough to be clamped - use them!). If you like how your hair falls after you've straightened it, this is where you bring your camera into play. However "emo" or whatever this might sound, start taking pictures. Typical myspace poses are a start, but mainly try to get a decent head shot from a good angle. Try as many angles and poses as you can, the more choice you'll have later on - the better. Once you feel you've taken enough pictures, put the camera to the side.
Now you make a decision: Do you feel you could style your hair in a different way? If so, change your hair then repeat the camera steps. Next, you move onto the wigs. Try not to get outrageous colours, because if your self esteem is incredibly low, I think it's unlikely that you'd impulsively dye your hair bright pink and go out into the wide world.
With these wigs, simply rinse and repeat the process above, but experiment with each wig and take plenty of pictures as before.
Step 3 - Putting yourself out there.
Begin uploading your 100's (should be no exaggeration) of pictures to your computer. While it's busy uploading all of the pictures, sign up to various social networking sites (create new accounts if you already have one - these accounts will be solely for the purpose of helping your self esteem). Get a popular or stylish layout and then begin filling in information. Try not to post anything such as your email or msn address (for the moment at any rate), and just fill it with general info. (Use a nickname, just state which country you live in, be as non-specific as possible.)
Once they are up and running begin adding random people. It'll be even better if you target people within your age range, regardless of location. The main people you will want to add to make this all worthwhile will be the vanity competition sites. Sounds silly, sounds hopeless. But trust me... It'll work.
Once you've added these sites, continue to add everyone on the vanity fair friend lists. These are the main people you're hoping to target.
Right. So you've got your accounts sorted and your pictures uploaded, now it's time to start selecting pictures and hairstyles that =YOU= like.
YOU. No-one else. Even if you're incredibly hard on yourself I can guarantee there'll be at least 1 photo with every style that you'll like and thats great, because that's all you need :]
(OPTIONAL STEP)If you have photoshop, you can run your chosen pictures through that. Look online for tutorials on how to apply makeup via the use of photoshop and then simply go over your eyeliner. Dont try and liquify or blur any of your skin. Trust me, you'll reget it in the long run. At most, find a tutorial on how to change your eye colour and try various colours.
Step 4 - Time to jump
Once you've got your pictures ready, upload them to your various profiles. This is where you need to jump. And it WILL work to some extent.
Start posting bulletins about how you've just uploaded lots of new pictures where you've been experimenting with different styles, you want to decide on a hairstyle, you're wondering if makeup looks good on you. Use any wordplay techniques you may have already learnt.
Hopefully you'll start getting feedback. If someone starts chatting to you, be polite, get talking to them. It's far easier to do it online that in person. Just try not to hit on them too much, remember, this is an experiment to try and help you. If you flirt with everyone who shows you some kindness, you'll scare them off and it's all for a waste.
But yes, you'll begin getting feedback. People may say that the make up is too much, they may say it makes you look fantastic! People may disagree with certain hairstyles, but love another. Take it all on board, and dont take it personally.
Do this for a while until you're buzzing from the compliments you've been giving. Then, you need to jump from a little higher... Enter the competitions on the vanity fair profiles. They might accept you, they might not. If you are accepted, you may do really well, you may not. But if they do accept you remember - You've done all this to help your self-esteem issues, not to win a competition (but if you do its a bonus). If you dont do so well, keep in mind the people who usually enter those competitions do so religiously. So getting accepted in itself is fantastic because of the sheer volume of people who apply for the competitions.
Notice that I'm remaining positive with all the outcomes? This is the attitude you need to have. This is all an experiment for your persona.
Step 5 - Leap of faith
After all the feedback you'll eventually receive from the online communities, you should be beaming. There should be a spring in your step and why shouldnt there be? You've taken a chance, you've tried out different looks that you like and people have reacted positively! You're on fire!
Now. Time for the leap of faith. Find the picture that had the most positive response and replicate it the next time you go out. Dress accordingly with the hairstyle. You dont need to go out sarging, you could just go to a social event. And when you're out, dont forget how great you're still feeling from the acceptance online. Let that fuel you. Talk to your friends, ask them what they honestly think of your look. If a stranger compliments you, thank them and try out a conversation.
This is the final step, and at the end of it - your self-esteem should have blossomed. You can choose to try other hairstyles when going out too, try and find your centre. Then, when you go out sarging you'll feel great about yourself. You wont be this "under average looking guy" anymore. You'll just be you, and you'll like it.
I hope this helps you good sir. It helped me and several friends who I encouraged to do the same. Now, am I 100% happy with my appearance? No. But I do occasionally get asked to do some photoshoots as an alternative model (something I've been doing for two years now), and that , if nothing else, tells me I've done something right. I hope it works out for you.
And also, do yourself a favour. Stop thinking of yourself as under average looking. Kill that thought. It's a load of bollocks.
OH! And dont forget to maintain a positive attitude!
CHAT
