Hi all,

The name's Pete.

I've known a girl now for about 6/9 months through serving her at work.

She added me on Myspace a few months ago.

I told her in April I was heading to her town to watch a play. The time she saw me she asked when was I next going to the theatre, I said I was going the following Monday to rehearse for a show I was in and she said she'd come and watch me.

I added her on facebook and the following Friday I asked her (based on her not remembering) if she'd come and watch me and she said she didn't know and to send her the details through facebook. I also added her msn around that time.

I did just that and wrote her an e-mail on how I could get her tickets. I recieved no response.

Spoke to her a couple of times on msn over the course of a few weeks then went on hols.

When I got home a work-mate told me that someone at work said to her how much I liked her. Apparently she said I was a 'nice guy' (yuck) and she didn't know how I got her msn.

A few hours later I saw on her facebook she'd started a new relationship (last day of June).

I saw her a few times last week-the first being on Tuesday. She told me her bf left her and she had been used. She said I should come and see her play that she's involved in...I didn't want to seam too interested after the fact she didn't come and see mine, so I just asked her where it's going to be.

Saw her the next day and she asked me to put my number on her phone.

Saw her last Friday and she said she'd be coming to the town where I work a few times over the summer (she lives in another town and goes to college near where I work).

At 20 to midnight that day I got a text message saying: 'Hello. How are youuu? X x'

I didn't check my phone until the morning. I replied in the afternoon saying: 'I'm fine thanks-how are you ? Let me know you're in Knutsford and we can go for a cup of tea'. I ASSUME it was her because I didn't give my number out to anyone else last week.

Recieved no response.

Sometimes she is difficult to talk to 'electronically', and if I asked her for tea over a phone conversation, she'd have to reject me live, which to be honest I don't get the impression she'd want to do that outright. Basically given the above I want to know if should call her.

I'm sure some of the stuff above sounds maybe somewhat creepy-sometimes I don't know/understand the difference between taking the initiative and coming off needy.

Dude,

You just need to chill...

the end....


No really, I have more advice to give you then I have the time to write it, I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

First mistake, she added you to myspace, you got so excited, you added her to facebook, and soon after msn. No wonder she inquired about how "much" you like her. Then you write the poor lady an e-mail right after. Let her breathe. Take it easy. There's no rush man, you came off as super needy. Probably gave her the impression you never had a female add you to myspace.

Then she sends you a simple text and you wrote back with the answer and then rushed to a date in the same text. Your coming off as if your afraid communication is going to stop with her, so you seem to try to kill two birds with one stone everytime you talk to her.

I'm pretty sure you blew this one off, my suggestion is sarge on. Find another girl. You shouldn't be hung up over a girl for 6-9 months anyways. if the girl is not interested, then..NEXT!

You asked what the difference is between taking initiative and needy. Well initiative is breaking the ice and being a man to confront a girl and say Hello. The rest of what you did, was the needy part!

yeah you moved to fast to soon. Should of made her want you instead of showing her you really wanted her without her indicating she'd like you to want her. And man... 'a cup of tea'... I cant think of a boring thing to ask a female to do with you... if youre going to ask her to meet up for a cup a of tea at least do it in an ironic way. 'Hey when youre in town next week we should meet up and I'll show you how to make the best cup of tea youve ever tasted. Its unreal. Believe me it will blow your mind. I'm warning you though, once you know my tea-making secret you cant tell anyone, if you do I'll have to kidnapp you ok?'... at least make it sound fun and exciting!

Tea? WTF?! I hope you guys have built some inside reality and that made more sense to her.

She was attracted to you. You freaked her out.

She got hurt and wanted validation. And you freaked her out again.

Have something better to do. Next time you see her, don't hump her leg - even be a bit of an ass - something that throws some mixed signals her way. Grow some balls.

Don't text, email, myspace or facebook with her unless she initiates, and if she does, pace your replies. if an IM style conversation, 5 lines or a maximum of 1 reply per minute, otherwise 1 format message per day. This is a little obsurd, but you need to not suffocate her, so some kind of rule should do that. Don't ask her to meet up with you again.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

I know she likes to drink lots of tea and I wanted to make it non-threatening...

I usually act an ass around her anyways...sometimes she's joked she's wanted to hit me.

I'm not being defensive by saying the above btw, it's just so you can understand more fully my actions.

Otherwise I'm agreeing/digging everything else. This environment is straight speaking and even though I felt like xyz last night I'm going to like it here.

Ok, stop talking to her "electronically"! STOP IT! It doesn't work and you have witnessed it multiple times now. Take the phone approach and if that doesn't work, then just forget about it.

I know it sucks if you're intersted in a person and they say they want to do stuff, but don't come through and you keep trying, but seriously, there comes a point when you have to look around and see that you're being tooled around and just stop bothering. Don't try and tell me that she's different, that maybe if you do this or that, seriously I've heard it, I've thought it, I've DONE IT. I've had friends like this, I've had a gf like this and you know what, it just gets old and after a while you feel like an idiot and you get pissed off and cut it off, asking yourself why you didn't do it earlier. Do yourself a favor and just don't bother, or if you must sate that need, then just ask her over the phone and if she flakes again, ditch her cause she's not even worth being friends with.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye