Hey guys, i need some help. I mean, i really need some help.

Recently things have been pretty bad, i've been feeling like i've thrown myself into a bottomless pit and i'm really looking for a hand up here.

The problem in writing is quite simple, i'm currently 22 years old and i've never ever shared an intimate experience with a girl before. It's like that romance/seduction/sexual side of human beings was simply not embedded in me. When i was younger this never used to bother me so much, because i was busy studying and i wasn't the only one that put study ahead of the whole going out/girlfriend scene. But ever since turning 20 it's really started to grate on me.

I'm currently engineering at university and i've got absolutely heaps of friends both male and female. I'm fairly wealthy and am well set up so i'll have a very fulfilling carrer when i graduate (grr, another 4 years!) and i'm also a local dancing champion. I'd like to think i'm a somewhat social person, sure i do enjoy solitude every now and then i usually prefer to go out with friends. But, that hasn't stopped me from being in the predicament i am in.

To say i've never had the opportunity would be a lie, i have but i've never ever been able to pull the trigger. There has been many times in the last year alone that i've had this or a very similar conversation with various friends.


Friend: So you going to talk to her/ask her to dance/kiss her
Me : Huh? Ask Who?
Friend: That girl who's been eyeing you for the entire night
Me: What girl? :S
Friend: ....... THe one that keeps staring at you.
Me: Where?

I thought it was due to friends trying to get me to hook up with a someone or they were delerious but it's happened far too often for me to just disregard it anymore. Recently on my 22nd birthday my friends made a pact that no one could hook up/pick up until i had but by the end fo the night i was pretty much the only person who hadn't and remember feeling a bit down by the end of the night and talking to one of my female friends at the end of the night who said two things of interest "I'm shocked, you're always SOO comfortable around girls" and "you're better looking then you think you are." The first one is definitely false, i'm comfortable around girls that i'm not trying to game and the second one, well to be honest i call bullcrap.

So, at the end of it all, all i can say with certainty is that there is something very wrong, something not sitting quite right. There's a reason why my friends are always talking to me about the girls they hook up with and never the other way. So i've figured out that there's something wrong - but what?

- Fraction

Hey bro i feel your pain, been there before. Ironic though that i know im good looking, but i have not so hot friends pick up women like crazy! yet i am always stuck with a girlfriend for a month then thrown into the friend zone. I am normally thrown into the friend zone alot, but lately i have developed some tactics to get out of em.

Major question before i can help you out though...Have you shown interest in your female friends? Furthermore, do they come to you to talk when their relationships aren't going well?

Well thinking through i don't think i ever really have shown interest in my female friends or even females in general. At least, not in the sense of blatantly saying 'I like you.' or 'You're good for me' or 'Let's escape to the bahamas.' Maybe shown in body language but i try pretty hard to hide any sort of telegraphed interest. But then again my female friends are exactly that - friends so there isn't really any interest anyway.

As for being the 'guy' that girls go to when their relationships are on the rocks. I'd say no, i'm not a massively serious person and i spend a lot of time teasing, joking and having fun around my female friends. They never really talk about their relationships to me, however, strangely. A few of my closer female friends have said they enjoy being around me because i lighten the party up a bit but as for being the guy girls go to whinge to, that's a no.

P.S omg releif - people that share my pain ^_^

Sounds like you have all the parts in place. Except one that is... YOUR INNER GAME! You need to get it in your head that YOU DESERVE THIS. Because you do! Next time you are out try to "accidentally" brush your arm against a female friend of yours. Make no apologies. Place your hand on her shoulder when you talk in her ear. After a few minutes hold her hand when you walk around to somewhere.

Things normally will move along naturally, but if you are as strangely wired as you say you are, it would be a good idea to read DiCarlo's escalation method. Sounds like the only part of your game missing is the kino. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

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What ever happened to sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Now all we got is aids, crack, and techno.

I think you've hit the nail on the head saying it's an inner game problem. In fact, I was chatting to my dance partner earlier tonight (she's a close friend that i do dancing with twice a week, i know i can trust her.) and the topic came on to girls. She told me that a problem i have is that i don't ever show interest to girls. I just act like i'm disinterested all the time. She asked me if i've ever done anything romantic like give a girl flowers or say 'i love you.' I said that stuff feels a bit too sappy and pathetic and to me it does seem like that.

I'll give you an example, a month or two ago i met this girl who asked me to take her out to lunch and whenever she asked things like 'what kind of girl are you into.' i would always do things like say things that were the opposite of her. For some reason i've exposed a part of my mind that i've never realised before. This girl kept asking me out for coffee and lunch and nothing ever happened between us. In fact this girl is now dating my best friend which feels a bit awkward but it's something i'll have to deal with.

However, I think i've managed to discover the problem: I try my absolute hardest not to show or expose any vulnerbility so much so that i haven't been able to form any sort of intimate relationship with my female friends or anyone else for that matter. However i seem to be a little more comfortable being able to expose weakness to my guy friends but when it comes to female friends i try to keep them at arms reach and back off every time someone comes too close. I didn't even realise i was doing this until my dance-partner told me of it. She said i need to show my sensitive side a bit more and i really should start letting girls into my life.

But it's all so confusing, isn't the sensitive romantic type a dressed up label for the clingy needy annoying type that women throw in the LJBF zone. I want to know your guys oppinions on this matter and i want to know, now that i've found the problem, how do i change it. How do i learn to find a balance between sensitivity and apathy.

i completely agree with Fraction. Spot on mate

'

Exactly, now i need to learn how to overcome my obsticle - any experts on inner game around? This is the ONE thing stopping me becoming involved in any sort of game at the moment and as soon as i can solve/reconcile this part of my inner game i think i'll be set for the next stretch

Ignore your friend - she has your best interests at heart but it's misguiding.

Here's what I see: You show no interest because then you can't be rejected. How is that working out for you? The problem with never being rejected is that you can't make mistakes to learn from.

Now, being rejected isn't fun, but it's inevitable. It WILL make you stronger. Stop worrying about what the reprocussions will be and say what you want to say.

You're also in a comfort zone that your social circle has built for you. He's harmless, he's the nice guy, he's gay, whatever. You're just comfortable doing what's expected of you, but it's not making you any happier, right?

Treat the girls that you want to game the same as the ones you don't - be comfortable around them, playful, fun - then introduce sexual tension. Touch, eye contact, ask her if she shaves her legs and what she thinks of body hair on guys.

Where are you based? Do a little reading on the basic structure of attracting, grab a friend/make a friend to go out with and get them to force you to approach strangers. Work under pressure. You don't have to sleep with anybody you approach, just go talk to them, get them to enjoy being in your company and introduce a little kino. Go learn the ring finger routine, open and jump into that instantly and you're already touching them before they know your name.

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I'm a winner - I am going to win.

This may sound a bit AFC, and while most of Infamous110's points are spot on, I tend to disagree that you should ignore your friend. Yes it's true that an AFC does that romantic stuff with the flowers and so for and ends up on the fast track to being LJBFed. But a PUA also does that stuff, just in the right order.

After attraction is built, and kino is established so she knows you are romantically interested, then it's simply a matter of good game and human nature to move into building comfort. The AFC tries those things before establishing attraction, and from the sounds of things you had that already.

That being said I agree with Infamous that it probably wouldn't hurt you to get over the idea of rejection. There is quite a bit of Ross Jefferies material out there that should help you with convincing yourself how invulnerable you are to these people's opinions.

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What ever happened to sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Now all we got is aids, crack, and techno.

Quit bitching. I'm not trying to be an ass, but you're being a pussy about this whole thing dude. You have much more than I do, and the capability to have awesome sex with chicks but you lack the balls to do anything about it. Don't come here and expect us or at least me to feel any sympathy towards you.

You probably hate me already but I will be the motivation for you to get out there and do something with yourself.

If you tried and failed, then I wouldn't mind. That's okay. But you basically just tried to qualify yourself to us that you deserve women because you have all these promising qualities yet you haven't even TRIED. Get the fuck out there and try.

I promise on my fucking sack of testicles that rejection isn't as bad as everyone makes it; infact, they probably won't reject you at all.

Next time you see a girl staring at you go up to her and say "Hi, I'm PussyAFC, nice to meet you" and shake her hand.

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As for the whole "only AFC's do flowers and sappy shit" deal, that is false. Some girls do like that, most HB9+ won't though. Depends the target.
It's all about frame control and you're mentality. I had a cheap 1$ rose and I used it to open a girl before.

: Hey! This is for you!
HB: "Umm thanks..."
:You're most certainly welcome. I'm the merry maker, are you merry enough now?
HB: hahaha yeah. I guess so.
: Good. Now that we got the formalities out of the way, I suggest we go grab coffee. It'll be awesome kiddo.
HB: Okay.

How easy was that? And guess what I used a rose.

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LJBF zone does not exist. You create your own reality. If it's strong enough your "Friends" can fall for you as well.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

Ok, I'll say the same thing in a nicer way. You seem to build attraction (although ideally you should build more) and move into comfort. But once you're there you seem to plant yourself there and refuse to move on. Once they've become attracted to you and have qualified themselves to you you can then kino and show you're interest and move it where you want it to go. He's right in that it just takes the will and the balls to take the interaction(s) where you want it/them to go.

"What do you look for in a girl???" I mean C'MON!!! She might as well have said "I'm yours, do what you will with me."

You're basically telling us you have them in the palm of your hand and then just sit there and do nothing. Put it to them and show them you're the man who will be taking them to bed.