So lately there has been this alpha really affecting my game, whenever he sees me he generally tries to show that hes the dominant male in the situation, usually he doesn't verbally shut me down but he does it through means of physical contact, for example. working on this set of chicks autside at a party. He comes out of nowhere and trips me up falling right on my ass in front of a fairly big set of chicks i was gaming. It was fairly embarrassing. Another example, opening another set and he comes out of nowhere, grabs me from behind and starts shaking me fairly violently interrupting my game and showing that im the beta male. How do i deal with this alpha? Note that i am a lover not a fighter. Never been physically confrontational person, im fairly skinny person. no fighting skill at all.

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I just wanna fuck bad bitches, for all the nights I never had bitches.

why cant you just avoid him? does it happen at a place you sarge at regularly?

There are essentially 3 ways to be an alpha male: Physically, Socially, or both.

Can't physically out-alpha him? Use your social skills to do it. I'm a short guy, about 5'6'' or something like that (I don't keep track), but I can still kick ass because I know martial arts. People don't really see me as threatening in that way, so they wouldn't know that. It doesn't matter, though. People know that I'm tight with people that are bigger than them. I'm high up on the social ladder.

You can also use your social skills to verbally out-do him. All you have to do is speak to him in such a way that presupposes that resorting to violence is an insecure act and beta.

High school with a fairly small social circle, hes going to be around once in awhile. Need ways to deal with him.

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I just wanna fuck bad bitches, for all the nights I never had bitches.

Just reframe his actions as an attempt to impress someone(the girls for example). That will make him look try-hard and childish.

It doesn't sound like he's being alpha at all... it sounds like he's just being an ass. All you have to do is speak up when he does something. Like when he trips you on your ass, just say something like... "That was real cool man, nothing like tripping a guy to impress the ladies." or "Hey man, if this is how you flirt, I'm not interested." *wink at him*

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A chronicle of my reformation from AFC to PUA: http://simpua.livejournal.com/

" Hey Buddy I don't like you like that man, How many times do I have to tell you"

" dude. get off my nuts bro, I am talking to my friends"

"wow, you are quite strong, I bet your boyfriend really likes that in bed"

"awww wook at da big oh wittooo guy!"

something that like usually helps.

Now i hate to change the subject but here is an interesting thing.
I was actually today thinking about this problem from a personal perspective. Now, until now Alphas havent been a problem (i am the alpha of my group, and thanks to u lot at my college open day i became the alpha there )
Either way, its more than a DHV and talking point since i am 5ft 1 -2 ish, i have a brittle bones and sometimes need a wheelchair/crutches. Girls see me as centre of attention and leading 6ft+ guys who could beat me shitless around an well yeah, they get confused..... until they say hello .

Now, i am first to admit. I am just going into college. I havent seen the big wide world in fact, i am quite naive in being in things like a club scene. Now, when u out alpha another dude... there is always the chance that he has the brain of a gorrialla, but also the strength of 1. Problem is, unlike u guys who (no offense i know they hurt) will come off with maybe a scratch or bump..... if they take a swing at me i could end up with an x-ray and cast.
So my question really is following on from this, how can u STOP the aggressive nature of alphas or men who become agressive towards you and still maintain ur position of the AMOTG (and if i am honest, until now i have been lucky with the "stand ur ground and they will back off" approach)

/madals

Alpha maleness isn't solely defined by how aggressively dominant someone is. To be honest, a lot of the time that kind of behaviour is a sign of insecurity. There are a couple of ways you could approach this:

1. you should work on your own alpha qualities. Work on your voice projection, for example, that way you can speak over him and always be heard better as the central guy of the group. If he tries to interrupt you with some childish comment, don't even let him speak. Just talk over him and if he tries to raise his voice to a volume that seems unnatural in relation to the way he's been speaking all along he'll just seem try hard. Use lots of touching too, ever notice how the alpha guy in any group can seem dominant of the other guys by touching them. For example, when you're talking to him have your hand on his shoulder in a dominant kind of way. Almost like you would with a bratty little brother who you just met out in a social situation and you're giving him advice on how to approach a girl. When he approaches you could even introduce him as "my boy...". You get the idea!

2. Reframe the situation, as someone mentioned already. Make it look like he's trying to impress [u]you[/u]. Like you are the alpha and he's vying for your attention. So for example, if he comes shaking you from behind you can give a slight smile and say something like "I'll be with you in 2 minutes man, just talking to these guys. I think [insert random name here] is around here somewhere if you're looking for someone". In this example your framing him his the guy who's on his own, who has no social skills and has no one to talk to. You on the other hand are a cool, social guy who's enjoying a conversation. Despite the fact that you're having a conversation, you're still nice enough to come and talk to him in 2 minutes if he's still on his own.

3. Another technique is to pigeonhole him. When he starts acting up you can say to the group something like "have you met this guy... he's like the loud guy of the group". Say it while laughing and putting your hand on his shoulder as mentioned earlier. Say it as if taking the piss out of a friend but as soon as you've said it put back on a straight face and say something like "no i'm just kidding, he's a good guy". This way you are giving him value... you're being a perfectly nice, social guy but you are the one who designates his value.

All of the above should be done with the correct body language. Don't face him... keep your body facing towards the group and just turn your head back to speak to him.

I have some more stuff on this... I'll post it later, just gotta rush off at the moment. Hope some of this helps though

This is all fine and good I would definitely agree with everything that has been posted so far. but... on the off chance that this fella wants to take it a step futher and throws a punch...

Well, you should consider taking one or two Self-defense courses most communities have them they take a few hours and can teach rudimentary ways to defuse a violent situation with another person with minimal force and offensive action on your part.

So basically it wont teach you how to offensively beat some1 up but if you are confronted it will give you a good chance at beating this Asshole at his own game.

Note I favor working with the Asshat to your advantage but if things get out of hand its better to be prepared. Besides you probably will run into these kinds of assholes later on but they wont be trying to CB they'll be trying to steal your wallet. Self-def courses are cheap and effective ways to give yourself physical safety and confidence when the need arises

Hey, never got time to finish yesterday! I'd definitely agree with Ruger D.! Some kind of basic self defence training is a hugely valuable thing for life in general and self-improvement is never a bad thing

Just some extra stuff I was thinking though. If you haven't already done so you should read Carlos Xuma's 'Secrets of the Alpha Male'! Best book I've found on being Alpha. Anything else by Carlos Xuma is great for this kinda thing too.

I've heard recently of something called Metagame (I think devised by AFC Adam) that's supposedly great for dealing with other guys when gaming. Haven't read anything about it but it's supposedly very good.

Other than that I'd say just work on reframing the situation. Impose the frame that you are the Alpha and he's vying for your attention. Because he has no real social skills he compensates by being loud and obnoxious and although it's essentially annoying, you're a good, selflessly-giving guy who realises that this guy has problems, so you try not to be too mean to him. If it goes beyond this and he keeps acting up you should try using a reward/punishment ethic. This one's hard to explain... basically, from a dominant position (like a disapproving parent or a teacher who has to correct a student who is misbehaving) you have to subtly convey your disapproval. Not in an aggressive way but you're basically trying to make him feel feelings of slight shame. Like he has tried to get attention and it has backfired. Problem is this is kinda hard to do convincingly and if you don't pull it off right it can backfire on you.

I agree with Ruger...


If everything else fails and the dude still wants to get physical with you...You had better learn to fight.

My usual suggestions is to try and find a buddy who is a boxer, or knows a thing or two about fighting.

Me and all my boys are learned in Wrestling and Mui Thai...it definitely helps my personal comfort knowing I can defend myself.

But usually, a strong frame and unwavering sense of confidence will definitely get you out of most confrontations...

An english potential SAS reserve guy taught me that in most fights the best way to go is to get too close to throw punches and use your elbows, crank their pinky if they try to choke you, and if you gotta punch with your palms or side of your hand, where it's softer, so you don't end up hurting your own hands punching the other guy.

Like everyone else said, just make it seem like he's gay, or that he's trying to impress the chicas

I'm not sure how it is in Canada, but in a lot of High Schools in the US, its incredibly rare that someone will start a fight now-a-days, just because of the ridiculous repercussions...

No one wants assault/battery on their adult criminal record at 16/17/18

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