Hi Guys,

I need some seriously good advice, please.

Long story short. Back in October, I bumped into this HB10 whom I knew back in high school and the one girl I’d always wanted. She was dating a guy about 8 years older than her. They broke up because he was moving overseas for work – following some solid game we hooked up a few months ago. She was being quite hot and cold because the ex was still sort of in her life.

We were seeing each other once a week or so – and then recently we had a big talk and she apologised about the way she had been acting and she wanted to give the probability of ‘us’ a real chance.

Things intensified a little bit - still no full close (she is my Oneit). But there were still these hot/cold moment. Then on Thursday she wanted to talk – so we caught up for a drink.

HB10: So I wanted to talk about us...

Me: Ok

HB10: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I really don’t see us working out in the long run.

I’m really attracted to you and you’ve become one of my very best friends. But I just don’t see us working out.

Me: Cool.

HB10: Its just that I think you’re, and don’t take this the wrong way, too immature for me (note: her last few bf have been much older than her). When I start a relationship, I’m thinking about marrage etc.

Me: Ok. Well. I don’t plan to change for anyone – Im enjoying my youth (I’m 24) etc. I don’t think just being friends would work for me as I think we’ve come too far. So I don’t think I could see you anymore – if we’re going to take this friends approach. I care about you but if I do this now – its short run pain as opposed to long run pain of pretending to be friends.

This went on for a bit – but basically it ended up with her saying that shes really confused. I told her that she can think about it. We ended up going for dinner, lots of kino and making out.

We catch up again on sat for dinner. I told her that I needed her to make up her mind in regards to Thursdays conversation as I wasn’t planning on just waiting around. Despite that everything went really well. Drop her home on sat and went home.

She sends me an sms on Sunday morning “I had a really good night last night...”, after a couple of exchanges and she says she wants to buy me lunch. So I was like “cool, sounds great”. She says she’s going to have a quick nap and call me in an hour or so.

She calls me – says she didn’t have a nap, went for a walk instead. She says (sounding pretty upset) she doesn’t think it’d work between us. Etc – she knows this means she won’t see any more (which was my choice) and shes really going to miss me but she doesn’t want to mess me around. She says “as soon as you want to hang out, just let me know and I’ll be right there.”

I didn’t ask for any more reasons – I just said that was cool and pretty much told her to take care and said good bye. But the problem is – I WANT THIS GIRL.

Her birthday is in 10 days and shes having a dinner a couple of days after. I see my last card left to play is not call her until her birthday. Call her and wish her. And ask if she still wants me to come to her birthday and try and save it from there. I don’t know guys!? What should I do!

Well, that's your problem right there. Don't put up with her shit just because you're attracted to her, that's what normal guys do.

"Cool"?

WRONG. It's not fucking cool so don't pretend it is. Tell her you want to be together and if she can't handle it then you're gonna have to go your seperate ways. She's attracted to you, you're attracted to her, so get it the fuck on. If she can't handle her emotions and doesn't wanna give you a chance then move along. I mean it. Yeah, it's easier said than done but when you think about it, it's the best thing you could possibly do. There is no point in being her friend, being all nice to her and giving her space pretending like nothing is wrong while you wait for her to change her mind - even though you know deep down she isn't going to and you'll be trapped in the friend zone forever.

Want her to change her mind? Be a man and take what you deserve; it's what she wants you to do and she will respect you more for it. Right now the ball is in her court and you aren't taking charge... believe me, she wants it as much as you do and the only reason she has reservations about being with you right now is because you're allowing her to take charge of what happens between you. These so-called "mature" guys she is used to wouldn't put up with shit like that, and because you're letting her take control of your relationship it sets you apart from what she is used to. Age has nothing to do with it. All you need to do is make a mature decision to go after what you want and refuse to settle for less.

Dalziel - Alright. Well thanks for the advice man.

BUT on thurs. I aleady told her what I wanted.

But that still leaves me with:

whats my next steps?
Do I call her now? Do I wait for her birthday? and try that angle..

I mean seriously. WTF does that leave me?!

You told her what you wanted, but you've been very passive and left the decision in her hands. You need to make it clear that you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to, especially when you know she's attracted to you aswell. That's just bullshit and you don't need to put up with it. Call her when you feel like it, but this sort of thing is best dealt with in person so call her and arrange to meet up, and tell her then. She'll make her mind up very quickly when you spring this on her.

Ok perhaps I didnt express it well enough in my first post. By I was very clear with her - the first time she brought this up. I told I couldnt be friends with some one I'm attracted to. So she knows this!

"She says (sounding pretty upset) she doesn’t think it’d work between us. Etc – she knows this means she won’t see any more (which was my choice) and shes really going to miss me but she doesn’t want to mess me around. She says “as soon as you want to hang out, just let me know and I’ll be right there.” "

What I need to know is - what after this?
I'm thinking - wait for her Bday (about 10 days away) and call then.

What do you think??

Anyone else have an openion?

devvos I'd like to say first off that you handled the friend zoning like a pro. Dalziel's way would probably work great for him, but you played it low key, and that's your style.

This sounds to me like it was a hard decision for her to let you go, and she is probably still thinking about it. I realize she's your oneitis, but calling her on her birthday would be submitting to her proposal of being "friends". From the sounds of it she doesn't believe that you will just drop her, and whether consciously, or subconsciously she is testing your word that you will not be friends.

Your best bet, although it may sound counter productive, would be to go sarging in places that you know she often visits. It is a bit cruel to use another girl as a pawn to reach this one, but if you run into her with another date in hand, and by "mistake" instead of purposely calling her, it will make her regret the decision she has made. That will keep you on her mind and the sarging honestly will help you keep her off yours.

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What ever happened to sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Now all we got is aids, crack, and techno.

Rexlexia, Thank you.
I know where you're comming from on this - and I'd tend to agree with you.
However, it is very unlikely that I'd bump into in a club these days. Due to study + work commitments I seriously doubt I'll see her out.

Either way, I dont really want to play it like that. I dont want to run that risk of not seeing her out (which is highly likely that I wont see her out)

What other choices do I have?

Masturbation... now get off the computer and go sarge.

I need something a little more constructive...

Let me ask one more time.

GIVEN THAT I WANT TO BE WITH THIS GIRL AND ITS UNLIKELY THAT I WILL SEE HER OUT. DO I CALL HER IN A FEW DAYS ORGANISE TO MEET AND 'TALK'. OR WAIT UNTIL HER BDAY AND THEN I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO CALL. HER BDAY IS THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY. IS THAT TOO LONG? I DONT WANT TO CONVEY COMPLETE DISINTEREST!

I suppose another question is - can someone try and explain her frame to me? and like her point of view?

Dude, you've said all you need to say.

You messed up though. You TOOK CHARGE and told her you should part ways. She LOVED this, thats why you spent a couple more days together. Somewhere along the line you got soft in those couple of meets, and she reverted back to her old self just like you did.

Keep strong man! DO NOT CALL HER on her birthday. If you truly want her as ONLY a friend, by all means call her.

Now, why is she acting like this? Few possible reasons. First off, maybe she really does want a guy thats hard to get. When you make yourself easily available, she all of the sudden becomes disinterested(its human nature).

The other possibility, which is highly likely, is that theres another guy. When things look good with the other guy and you're "there" for her, she'll shuck you away and chase the other guy. Maybe you're the fallback guy, on the backburner, and she only uses you to feel better about herself when things with the other guy don't work out?

Just a few things to ponder. Either way, if shes not putting out, run away.

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T.A.H.A.W.S.

What I suggest from my knowing so far is this:

She is your oneitis and you played your cards right in the beginning by telling her you can't be friends with her. Unfortunately you wanting this girl so much is making you seem weak and easy to get to. Don't take it from me but what I would do is let her be and move on.

There are plenty of other HBs to choose from. The point of this forum is to teach you how to be good with women, so read around and get familiar with the methods and go out sarging. Yeah you might be a busy guy, but hey if you get good at PUA a whole rapport can take 20-30 min which, then you can meet more women that you like faster.

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devvos I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I agree with Trey. You've said what you need to say and calling her would only be agreeing to the LJBF. It's tough, but you probably need to just go sarge a bit, try to take her off your mind for a while and let fate decide what will happen. Maybe you will see her again somewhere by accident, maybe you never will. But if you do call her you will never be more than friends.

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What ever happened to sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Now all we got is aids, crack, and techno.

Thanks guys. I really do appreciate the advice..... I think I’m due for some serious sarging this weekend.

In regards to your comments, see the problem is – I haven’t said what I want to say... I’ve only just told her that I wasn’t interested in being friends! And when she put this to me on Sunday – I didn’t ask/say anything.

She wants a mature guy right – so wouldn’t calling to wish her be the ‘mature’ thing to do? Isn’t the ‘mature’ thing to do to go after what you want? Style didn’t drop it when his Oneit wasn’t responding and he got her!

I'm really unwilling to just drop this.

As you can see – I’m being a bit stubborn here.
OK its likely that I WILL CALL HER.... Whats my best approach? If any?

I see it going something like this.

Me: Hey, happy birthday! How are you? Seems like a long time.
*Fluff*
HB: Come on sat to dinner!?
Me:: Are you sure you want me there? I wouldn’t want to take all the attention away. haha
*Fluff*
Me:: Ok, I’ll come if the topic of ‘us’ is still up for discussion. Just talk – I don’t expect anything from you other than an open mind.
HB: Yes/No..... (not figured out how to address the no yet )

Advice?

NEver say "cool" after she gives a fucking IOD,,
its a bad habit that i got rid of not long ago,,
start being mean and say, "wtf, y are u saying all this shit" and just leave
and walk fast like u dont regret
And she`ll call u or try to chase.
Be the prize, not her
ur acting desperate, thats a total DLV
never act like u want her crazy, make her crazy for u man
act like ur not interested until she does

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Gotta Fuck em all! Pokemon!