I have hard time focusing in conversations. My mind drifts off very easily and I find it hard to get back on the track, which often makes me quiet and due this I sometimes cause those long awkward silent moments, which I earlier wasn't able get out of.
I'm reading DeAngelo's Double Your Dating at the moment and I will soon be able to get out of those silent situations by using some canned line, problem is I don't want to get into them.

I've also a case of bad memory which I'm treating by learning a book How To Develop A Perfect Memory by Dominic O'Brien. Hoping it will help with getting stuck in conversations.

I'm turning to you for advices; media or a book recommendations, practices or similar how to speed up my reaction time and focus in conversations. Or should I save money for some months to see a shrink about this? What are your opinions?


- erox

Make your attention problems into your tool. Be sure to take control of the conversation. That way, when you're bored, you can change the subject matter. As for memory problems, if it's about remembering your targets name. Be sure to mention that your memory sucks and make a joke of the fact you forgot her name already. Do that a few times in the conversation and eventually you should remember it or it won't be an issue in the future.

I liked your reply, can't give any points though.

I have a lot of learning to do in keeping the conversation interesting, especially in groups of people without looking like a panicking AFC.

There is an AMOG in the class who thinks faster and is a lot of fun. Yes, he is very irritating at times and annoys the shit out of ppl when they try to concentrate on something hard, but still manages to turn it on his favor.

I'm trying to be equal or better in humor and a center of an attention. However humor hasn't been my best sides due to my slow wits. If I for example tell a joke (no matter if there are women or men around) he will neg it saying e.g. 'that was sooo lame'. And him saying that is usually more funny than the joke was. I guess it's in the character and I need to look up some comedy books.

Jokes in themselves are lame. Jokes as a means to an end are a whole other matter though.

For example. telling a joke to make someone laugh is bad. Why didn't you tell a funny story about yourself or a funny past experience? See that in itself is a chance to DHV and if the AMOG in your class wants to get involved there, he has no choice but to tell a funnier story that involves him. That in itself is instantly a DLV by him because he's competing with you on your own terms.

You have to ALWAYS be confident of your own humour. If you find something funny, it's funny. It doesn't mean you have to laugh at it, it just means when you say it, you know that you want to laugh. And you know what you enjoyed it. This is important because it means your body language is more relaxed and animated because it's natural.

Remember, every time you open your mouth, it's an opportunity to DHV.