First of all this isn't a typical "how do I get out of the friend zone" post.

Basically there is this girl who I've known for a few years. She has low self esteem and is very self conscious about her looks, especially her boobs (I like 'em but she thinks they're too big). She wears very unflattering outfits (which I always make fun of her for) but looks great when she's wearing nothing (which I like to compliment her for, but not too much and not in normal ways). She is actually a lot different than other girls. When I'm C&F with her she complains about it (says that I'm really mean and too much of a smartass), but then she started getting more touchy feely and romantic with me after I showed her a very depressing love story that I had written.

Yeah, that's right, we were "just friends" for a long time, and she had seen me in my wussiest moments, but then I used some PUA stuff on her and got out of the friendzone. She started by admitting that she really "has a thing" for me and that she tries to flirt with me sometimes. I said "I know. I can tell." I actually had no idea, but that's fine because now I know. Anyway, since then we've been flirting a lot, doing lots of kino and kissing whenever we hang out, but there's this one thing that's kind of weird.

One night at my place, after lots of heavy kino and her sitting on top of me riding me (but wearing clothes and not having sex), she ended up spending the night and sleeping in the same bed as me (but not having sex). Then at one point she flat out said, with a smile, "We could have had sex." I guess I didn't escalate enough. Woops. Things were kind of weird after that, and I nexted her, then we worked things out a day later and agreed to try again and let it keep going where it was going.

Another night, we did lots of making out and other stuff (she tried to give me a handjob but I didn't let her), and when I fingered her she felt really wet. She also talked about sex a whole lot and was very happy and enthusiastic the whole time (usually she's the opposite). But then when I pulled out a condom and tried to "finish the job" she didn't want to, and then joked about how many other girls I've probably been fucking. But then she said that she is just very self conscious about her body and about sex, because she hasn't done it in awhile, and also she has trust issues.

Then just recently, we were hangin' and we went swimming at my place (my family was on vacation so I had the place to myself) and I got her sitting infront of me between my legs on a pool chair. I did lots of kino stuff, "running laps" up and down her body with my hands, finding her hot spots and not being afraid to touch her boobs, and she started to lean back and melt into me. I pulled up her bra so I could play with her boobs more easily and she gave no resistance.

This time I was smart and had read up on the Kino Escalation Ladder beforehand and studied it. I studied it long and hard. Infact, I was holding it in my hands studying it when she knocked on my door.

So I followed that ladder quite well. We went inside and I pulled her towards me to kiss her, she kissed back easily, and I was the one to pull away first. She changed into her normal clothes while I went to get some drinks, then when I came back I did it again, she played along and pretended to scold me (asked "Do you know what kissing leads to, young man?") Then I threw her on the bed and pulled her shirt off (she let me do that easily), then pulled her pants off. Still no resistance. Then I pull her bra up again, she laughs and says "oh you're so bad" and I started to tease her nipples with my tongue and my hand (which she really fuckin loves). I fingered her with my other hand and could tell that she was really wet, so that's why it was weird that she suddenly said

"No wait, I don't think we should do this."

I said "Oh it's ok, we don't have to have sex."

That one didn't work on her. "Then what are you trying to do?" she asks.

"Oh, just expressin'. Just having fun."

Then she took a seat in a chair and talked to me as she put her stuff back on. Asked me if I want us to be in a relationship, as in bf/gf. I said yeah, basically. She explained that she didn't want to be in a relationship right now (which makes sense, she still lives with her ex and has some things with her life that she needs to straighten out), and she just wants to "have fun."

That was ok with me. She's a great friend, and even if we are FWB or have an "open relationship," she will still probably be exclusive with me.

The weird part was when she said something about how we might have been better as friends, or she didn't want to fuck up our friendship or something like that. She told me I was sweet (I forget why) and gave me a tight hug. I was like "Oh that sucks, I don't want girls to know that I'm sweet because they only like assholes." She laughed knowingly but said "but not me, I love sweet guys." She said that she likes doing this stuff with me, but would like it if we didn't do it all the time.

What the hell could that mean? I already know for certain that she's attracted to me and that I turn her on, so why does she try to fight her urges with me? I also remember a few other times when I would nibble on her neck or kiss her and she would tell me not to (those happen to be things that turn her on). Right after we were done talking we were just cuddling and I was feeling her up some more and she commented on how she loves the way I touch her, especially her boobs.

My only guess right now is that it could be a social thing. We don't have any mutual friends between us. Could that have anything to do with it? Would I have to make nice with her social circle before she's comfortable with going all the way with me?

Sorry for the long post.



Here's the back story, in case it's relevant:

Basically, we had a falling out for a few months because I was butthurt about her using me as her rebound guy two months after I had confessed to being "in love" with her (stupid AFC move, I know). She had broken up with her boyfriend, used me for some easy male attention, then gotten back with him without telling me until I accidentally found out weeks later. So I kicked her out of my life for a few months, during which I read up on lots of the PUA stuff so that this shit wont happen to me again. She kept trying to apologize to me, but I didn't accept her apology and let her back into my life until after she finally broke up with her bf for good.

Oh come on, somebody's gotta know this!

Did I make it too long? I could shorten it if needed, but I assure you it's a quick read and I got a boner while I was typing part of it.

BE A MAN!!! If you guys are already hot and heavy then just whisper something like "you have no idea how bad i wanna throw you up against the wall and fuck you really hard" While your fingering her, going down on her whatever just keep saying things like this to get her mind involved. I suggest you read the secrets of female sexuality by david shade.

If that doesn't work then just keep with the foreplay but tease the hell out of her. Finger her till shes about to come then stop right before shes about to. Go down on her and do the same thing. Make her want it so bad that she practically rapes you, because its obvious she does want it. On a side note respect the fact if shes not ready but do what you can to build the sexual tension so that when it does happen it will be incredible.

If all else fails FREEZEOUT!!

Yeah, that's what I always do! Doesn't seem to work but I'll still continue to do it next time I try. I haven't heard of the David Shade stuff though, I'll have to look into that.
That's also what I do, she just stops letting me. She wont let me go down on her either.
That's what I think the real problem is: she isn't ready. So I should build sexual tension. How the hell do I do that, though? I have no idea how to do that though. Anyone care to help a newbie out?

Unfortunately freezouts don't seem to work on this girl. She's a very modest and polite fellow, and if she gets the gist that someone doesn't want to talk to her anymore then she wont speak to them unless spoken to. Then she'll be like "oh, I thought you hated me." I did do some freezing out a couple of times before and it worked well for getting her to appreciate me more but now it probably wouldn't do any good because it's just a cliche at this point.

eeek girl has issues! Wish I had a pool haha ... esp in this context. She isn't poor is she? But no ... I think u have more than enough of sexual tension...have you considered that she might not want to go all the way cuz she never has and considers heself to be a virgin?

idk the problem seems to be more with her and her issues then with you, so you just need to make her more secure and trusting of you. From your mini essay im guessing you don't care if you don't go all the way, so just let her know that you want her in your life as a woman and your up for whatever she's comfortable with.

She's looking for a fuck buddy. Since you're already her buddy, just work on the fuck part. Some things she may be going through:

1) Trust issues. Probably has to do with her ex. Maybe even a pattern with all of her exes. So don't be her boyfriend, just a friend who happens to be a boy. If you really want commitment, then make it clear to her, and if it's a no go...just how badly do you want to close the deal?

2) Friendship. There may be some doubts in her head as to what would happen to your friendship should the two of you have sex. Seeing as how you two have done everything but the horizontal tango, blast through her chick logic and reassure her that you'll always be her friend, and that sex is just an added benefit.

3) Love. Be on the same page with her here. You are not allowed to fall for a fuck buddy.

4) Negative body image. She doesn't have this. At least not around you. Just FYI.

5) Change that to:

"No wait, I don't think we should do this."

I said "You're right, this is so wrong. But it feels right."

Keep going. Do NOT stop unless she tells you NO or pulls away physically.

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Thanks Roads, chi and Sp1ctacular. I'll keep those lessons in my head next time I'm with her and try to get this worked out. I'll provide updates with how it goes too.