Is this natural? Do all guys feel this?



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:33 am 
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I've had this problem for years, and even my ex girlfriend told me girls get this alot, but do guys?

See I dumped my longest girlfriend I've ever had yesterday (Monday). Now I feel attracted to her. Yet I dumped her becuase my lack of attraction.

I do this for every girl, after 1 week (always a week) I lose my attraction, and I dump her. Then I'm attracted and want back in.


Do all guys feel this? What do you do to NOT get this? It is really making relationships hard for me.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:28 am 
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Move on, this happens "you want what you can't have" It applies to both men and women. So just go sarge the worst thing you can do is now mop around at home.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:41 am 
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Move on, this happens "you want what you can't have" It applies to both men and women. So just go sarge the worst thing you can do is now mop around at home.
It has nothing to do with "you want what you can't have". It has to do more with the person was apart of your life and now that the person is gone you miss the person as there is now a hole there emotionally. Hence the attraction.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:57 am 
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Move on, this happens "you want what you can't have" It applies to both men and women. So just go sarge the worst thing you can do is now mop around at home.
It has nothing to do with "you want what you can't have". It has to do more with the person was apart of your life and now that the person is gone you miss the person as there is now a hole there emotionally. Hence the attraction.
It's pretty much both seeing as what you've just said is an extended version of "you want what you can't have"


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:03 pm 
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It sounds to me that in your past relationships you haven't connected with the girls on any REAL level. After a while (a week in your case) you get bored. All the secrets about them are revealed; you know how they kiss, you know how they touch, the unknown is no longer exciting. At this point, the relationship needs to be driven by the connection between the couple, however, in your case, there isn't any.

You break up with them because of your lack of interest, but after a while start noticing the things that attracted you to them in the first place. You haven't had her in a little while, so those attractive qualities rise to the surface again. Plus, let's face it - getting some and being bored with it is still better than not getting any at all.

Why do you even go for the relationship? You sound like the perfect candidate for MLTRs. You can see the girls when you want so you never get bored. I had three girls in rotation in college and they all knew about each other and were fine with it. Worked out beautifully!

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:17 pm 
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How do you do MLTR? Any good guides?

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:43 pm 
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I would say it is much more difficult in high school because of all the "rules" set up by friends and parents, not to mention all the gossip. However, it can be done!

Personally, I just keep everything really casual. I let the girls know that I am really into them, but I can't commit to a relationship right now. It is imperative that they don't feel like a fuck-buddy or a booty-call, even though that's basically what they are. The difference is that you actually care about them (they aren't just a piece of meat) you just don't want anything serious right now. Maybe you're afraid of getting your heart broken, or breaking their heart, or maybe you just want to explore your options. There's a million reasons you could come up with for the reason why. Just get her to buy-in to your situation.

Make sure to talk about the connection you share and how much fun you have with them. Make them feel special, but at the same time let them know where you stand as far as getting serious. It is important to establish what you want out of the relationship EARLY, otherwise, they will be expecting it to follow the normal course.

Be open and honest about the other girls you are dating the same time. When they get upset about it, remind them of the conversation you had earlier about not wanting anything too serious. You can't help it if several girls want to date you. You're just exploring your options. Remind her of how special she is and assure her that you are not just going to discard her like yesterday's newspaper.

A lot of this is rolling with the punches and calibrating to her needs. She is undoubtedly going to be a little uncomfortable with it at first because it is something different and goes against the "norm." You will have to do some hand-holding and assure her that you do indeed care about her.

If you have any specific questions, I would be happy to answer them with a little more clarity. I know this post is a little hard to follow...

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:59 pm 
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Move on, this happens "you want what you can't have" It applies to both men and women. So just go sarge the worst thing you can do is now mop around at home.
It has nothing to do with "you want what you can't have". It has to do more with the person was apart of your life and now that the person is gone you miss the person as there is now a hole there emotionally. Hence the attraction.
this is what i'm feeling right now. my one-itis started talkign to me again, telling me how she can't control herself around me.

we've hooked up the past and the ending is never what i want. this last time around, i told her. "i can't do this anymore. i learned the hard way last time we got close"

i can totally relate to what you're saying about the hole. it really sucks and i wish there was a quick fix.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:17 pm 
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Getting attention from a bunch of other girls is the quickest fix I know of. Either that or a lobotomy. That's why all the guys on here tell you to "go out and sarge" to get over one-itis.

Having a bunch of other women all clamoring for your attention is a welcomed distraction from the one that got away.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:16 am 
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Quote:
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Move on, this happens "you want what you can't have" It applies to both men and women. So just go sarge the worst thing you can do is now mop around at home.
It has nothing to do with "you want what you can't have". It has to do more with the person was apart of your life and now that the person is gone you miss the person as there is now a hole there emotionally. Hence the attraction.
It's pretty much both seeing as what you've just said is an extended version of "you want what you can't have"
I disagree. But I think we are viewing the saying in a different ways.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:10 pm 
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all good advice for MTLTR.

And as for you feeling this way its totally normal. I just went through a bad breakup. One of the best things to do is think about all the bad qualities about her (if there are any) or any rough times you had with her. It helps you move on.

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