I went to a restaurant the other day with a friend of mine and saw a very attractive waitress. She wasn't our server. As I as leaving I smiled and she smiled and said thanks for coming in.
1st question: Did I already miss my chance my "initial three seconds"? or can i just go back to the restaurant and start over.
2nd question: How to I open and actually set everything up so that I don't sound like the average restaurant patron thats hitting on her and she flirts back for a better tip?
Essentially its a 1 set but how do you # close when so many on a daily basis hit on them and they already know how to react? How do i be successfully different?
I'm pretty new to this so bear with me.

Firstly, the 3 second rule was invented to help guys get over approach fears. The idea behind this is that if you take longer than 3 seconds to approach you start to over think things and it puts you off. Seeing any truth to that yet?

Secondly, I refer to the above statement. You're over analysing the situation. Have a plan, keep it simple, and stick to it. To put those worries of yours to rest, she gets hit on all the time but she doesn't get asked out. By going the extra step you are being different. Don't tip any more than what you usually would, because you don't want to look like you're trying to butter her up so she'll reciprocate interest in you. That's some bad shit right there, so don't do it.

As for getting what you want from her, simply get her attention before you leave. She'll ask if everything is OK, to which you reply, "Yeah everything's great, I just wanted to know what time you finish so I can take you out". That little line is courtesy of Gunwitch, and as much as I love the guy, I'm more inclined towards my own version, "I was just thinking, you and me should get together some time... you look kinda fun". From here you will get into a very fun conversation indeed. I should note that this kind of approach will only really work if you carry yourself with a lot of confidence. Also note that you should stick to what you say, and don't apologise for being too forward if she takes offense. She isn't really offended, so don't worry... it's only a little test to see if your balls are real or not, and to get defensive at this stage will be instant game over, so stick to your guns.

More on the confidence thing, if you're fidgety and can't maintain eye contact, or your tone of voice fluctuates noticeably, or anything else that conveys that you are unsure of yourself, this kind of approach probably isn't gonna work out too well. I don't know your style, but I'm a direct kinda guy and I hate wasting time. I'm a firm believer in that she either likes you or she doesn't, and you don't want to waste time beating arond the bush trying to find out which. So, if you're comfortable with direct approaches, this will serve you very well. If not, I'm sure the others will provide useful advice that will suit your tastes. Have fun!

I dont suppose by any slim chance you've worked in the catering trade have you? I was a waiter for over 2 years at TGI Fridays and this helped when I F-closed an 18 year old waitress in a mexican restaurant. If you're going back there request that she be your waitress, I did this by talking to her when I was a the bar and I said I want to sit in your section so she made a table available for us.
If the answer is yes, I asked her questions about her job like, do you have to do this and have to do that" and said "I know what you're going through" etc. When I said I'll have chicken wings she said "for an extra £2 you can have the mega size bowl", this is what they call 'up-selling', with that I pointed at her and said "ah I know your game, the old up-selling routine huh?". She laughed and I was doing this with most of the shit she said, she loved it cos I genuinely knew what she was having to do at work.
If the answer is no, then ask her about her job anyway. Say "whats it like working here", "do you earn good tips", general bullshit until she bites and is happy to stand and talk. She'll probably tell you her name when she comes over at first, if she doesnt ask what it is and tell her its not good practice to not say her name, get on to the surname subject, what ever just to get her to open up. It helps if you ask her quite a lot of questions and show interest in her because waiters/waitresses are trained to start a conversation and talk to the people they are serving and ask them questions about themselves so they can build up a rapport like, "so what are you guys doing after the meal?"... "oh seeing a movie huh? cool what one", blah blah blah. People love to talk about themselves this is why they are trained to do it. It earns the dub (restaurant speak for waiter or waitress) good tips. Normally if the guest (person eating) is younger, like yourself I'm guessing, the dub wont put as much effort in as they think they wont get a good tip or will just get stiffed (no tip at all). So if she doesnt talk much say "are you not talking to me cos you think I wont leave a tip?" Something funny like that makes her say "oh, no not at all", she'll also realise by this point you are aware of the whole tipping culture. She'll prob make an excuse about being busy or what ever but then she'll def show you more attention.
When she asks what you want to eat, ask her what's good, before she responds say "I bet you're sick of everything on the whole menu right". I can promise you she'll say yes. If she says no say "you obviously havent been working here that long have you".
You gotta be funny too man, obviously. Neg her a bit, if she's got any stains from food on her (happens all the time) tell her thats unhygenic and crack a joke about it. Say you dont know if you should be eating there if the staff is this dirty... you can possibly use that to joke about her being dirty in another way and give her a wink.
Tell your boys to make out as though you're having a poker game that night (this is what I did). Ask her if she can play poker, the girl I f**ked said no, I asked if she wanted to learn, she said yes. That was it, job done, I said she'd better give me your number then and she did. She didnt come to the poker game but she came round another time and f**ked that night.
AND MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE A TIP!!! Guys on here say dont buy anything from a retail girl you want, dont get a lap dance from a stripper, dont buy a girl a drink, I agree with all of these but one thing you must do is leave a tip for a waitress, and not small change either, must a note. If you dont the first thing she will do is walk into the kitchen and say to her colleages "this fucking guy, he seemed cool, we were flirting and stuff but he fucking stiffed me, tight c*nt". Its not a good look man. Tipping is important in the restaurant scene. I know, I've had girls come on to me while Im serving them and we've exchanged numbers but they didnt tip so I just thought fuck them, and Im a guy, think about what a girl would think. Dont tip far too much either, then you'll just look desperate, tip apropriately!

LONG MESSAGE, but hope it helps