Hey guys,

I got a question.

There's a HB I've been gaming (I know I'm probably in the friends zone with this one but I'm going to keep gaming her while keeping my options open with other women as well).

Anyways, we see a lot of each other every week and some nights she invites me back to her place for coffee or w/e. Sometimes I say ok, but other times I say no thanks I'm a bit busy tonight maybe another time.

(It sounds AFC I know) But I want to say yes everytime cos I like being with her and I want to reward her for her IOI's. But I think its good to say no sometimes cos it happens so frequently.

Question is:

Do you have to reward IOI's like this always? Also is it possible to reward her for an IOI like this without always going over to her place?

I know this probally sounds very AFC -maybe I'm confused about IOIs?

If she is into you does it matter? as long as she is giving you IOIs you're in good shape. Just do whatever you feel is natural and make sure you're not behaving out of neediness; you want to be around her but if she's not around you aren't worried about it. As long as she likes you you're making the right moves/ It's better to be real than to be perfect, you will be much happier if you're not worrying about things and doing what you feel like.

- Chris

i like what c_n12 had to say.

I am pretty sure this is happening though. You're not negging like you should be. You're afraid to lose her so you're not busting on her (in good fun) like you should be. There's a big list of negs in a lot of places, just memorize a few of them and go to work on her.

If you guys are hanging out this much with no real progress you are definately not negging enough.

The neg is the foundation of the game and you can't afford to leave it out.

By the way, telling her you're busy sometimes is always a good idea. You could take it farther by asking her to come along and then pulling it back by saying...no, that would not be a good idea...you might try to monopolize my time and some of the other girls i have fun with might get mad.

I liked with selective's advice; take the alpha lead once in a while. If Mr. Dull always let's the woman take the lead she is not going to be interested in him. Women love a guy to be taken by the hand and swept off their feet in surprise.

However you don't need to lie to her and tell her you're busy if you'd rather be spending time with her just make sure you're always being interesting, innovative and unperdictable to keep her on her toes. If you can keep her interested she will have no reservations about spending as much time with you as you want to with her.

You don't need to neg and shoot at a woman's ego though unless a woman needs to be put in her place and does something to desrve it. A guy with real confidence and value can convey it without shooting a woman down.

- Chris

Thanks guys for the advice and ideas. Yeah I'm consciously trying to not be needy and showing disinterest in her every now and again. I do neg a bit and act like I’m not afraid of loosing her.

Probably, the main thing holding things from progressing is the lack of kino –very bad I know. The situation is complex and there is just way too much detail to go into to fully explain it. But its basically resulted from knowing her as a friend for a long time.

We have exams coming up in 3 weeks. I don’t think I’ll be making any real moves on her till after. I’ll probably go over to hers and vice versa a few times in that time tho.

SPAM with her we usually partake in study sessions (she’s in the same course as me), play soccer once every week, or just have chill out sessions which is just talking at hers place or w/e. She’s asked me to go and play tennis with her a few times (I told her not till after exams). I’m thinking that the tennis would be a good place to start kino escalation (high fives and stuff) and maybe at soccer too.

I do have to lead more as well, and mix things up more often. She has told me (indirectly) that I probably don’t have as big a personality as our other friends, and that I need to lead more. Any suggestions for that? I’ve got good body language etc already, and I try and suggest things that I know the whole group wants to do before we actually do it (so it looks like I’m leading). I’m probably the quietest in the group though -so maybe that’s where she gets this idea from. Any ideas on how I can get more comfortable in being louder?

I have taken on board what you guys said though and will work on it. Anymore ideas on the new stuff would be appreciated as well –cheers.