Guys

I realise this is my first post, and I want to apologise up front. I am not here to simply ask for advice and I am hoping to be able to contribute fully to the community. I've been spending a lot of time reading over the last few weeks and have started putting into practice some things.

I went to a club week one just to practice approaching and become comfortable - I would approach, opinion opener, a little small chat and leave. There was no intent and I was just using this to get down stage one. I # closed an employee more for the challenge than anything, and she seemed rather interesting. She said she had a boyfriend but there was no resistence. I sent an SMS - no reply and I'm glad to be honest.

Friday night I run smoothly and take a girl home (actually, she takes me home and her friend takes my wing) after negging her constantly and making her buy her own drink ect. We fool around; the honest truth is I was unable to perform the full act here, and I'm going to blame the alcohol but this could have as much to do with nerves as this girl was at the least a comfortable HB8.5. She's not angry, asks if I want to have sex in the morning and we go to sleep. In the morning, when I leave, I tell her that I'd like to see her again, and she nods, asking me to text her.

I think this was the mistake I made.

I realise after that the number I have is wrong - I am fairly sure at this point that it's an accident (a digit too long). My phone is difficult to work at the best of times. I send her an online message because I don't want to be the guy that said he'd call and never did (she teased me about not using facebook the night before).

The reply surprised me - "Number thing was an accident. I would like to keep it as a one-off. Just out of LTR". Now, this isn't the end of the world but I am not the best at seperating intimacy from emotion. I am not looking to jump into a LTR, but it's resulted in an instant one-itis and it's really frustrating me.

I would like to resurrect this and get her to come hang out with me. Thoughts? One of the major banks here (UK) are sponsoring my company's night out this week - can I invite a girl to a free bar? Does it change things that she's an art student?

I have been probably over thinking this situation, and also over thinking the reason I'm over thinking it. I'm sure it's a majority ego thing - I messed up and want to redeem myself - physical validation also required?

I think she wanted to give you one-itis. That was the whole point. I think it's interesting because I have enough trouble closing but once closed have no trouble getting seconds and thirds so on, and thought that it was like that for all guys.

Women are way more bodily and way less emotional than men (at least that's how I see it). Or, in other words, men get one-itis before having sex and women get it afterwards. If she had an orgasm, then she's hooked on you already, and even if she didn't... go out with her and you'll end up screwing no matter what you say or do. At least those are my thoughts on the matter.

I disagree on pretty much all points aside from the fact that women tend to get hooked after the sex much more than men. This isn't to say that women don't get hooked before the sex, just that generally the physical response to sex, is that they have a whole ton of chemicals bombard their brain and they end up falling harder.

As far as her looking for a one night stand, sounds perfectly reasonable, especially since she wanted sex in the morning, she was just looking to get fucked good and hard most likely. If you're ok with it not being a relationship and you do want to seal the deal, then tell her it's cool and that you're not looking for a relationship, but that you always like to finish what you start, so you guys should get together again and see where things go. Maybe she's interested in a fuck buddy situation, but I wouldn't propose that until after you've had sex.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Interesting take. I don't have anything to lose by starting up conversation, but I need to backtrack on my agreement.

Again, happy to do this. Worst case scenario I see her in the gym, say to myself "well... this is awkward", and walk away.

But, here's the big question. Do you think there's a best way to go about this reinitiation?

Call her (I'd do this from another phone than whatever one you've used already and if she asks tell her it's your home phone, or you're at a buddy's place or something) then say, "I was thinking, it's cool and I'm not looking for a relationship, but I always finish what I start, so we should get together again and see where things go."

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

So do I.

Since when did men get more emotional than women?! You're kidding right? Also, in order for a women to orgasm, there usually has to be a fair amount of emotion at play in the first place.

What isn't clear is whether or not you actually did have sex with her? Did you finish things off in the morning or not?

You're probably right. What I wanted to say was that men seem more emotional (or at least I am) about getting rejected before sex, or being rejected sexually but liked platonically i.e. LJBF'd. The history of my sex life goes something like this:

Try to get a whole bunch in bed; fail on 90%; get one-itis every time; finally, get one in bed; feel amazingly relieved and empowered by tons of self-confidence; have as much sex as I want with them while they, rather than I, get one-itis. It might be that I just personally have no idea how to play before sex, but do better afterwards. Or it could be the kind of girls I like.

We didn't have sex in the morning. I was awoken by my friend saying we had to get ready to go, and from that point she hurried things along. I gave it a try but I think the dual hangovers really killed that.

Then I AFC'd the crap out of that situation. I know the correct line was something more aloof than telling her I'd like to see her again, but the stupid words slipped out.

I have pretty much decided that I need to take the ego punch as a harsh lesson and not do it again, but I don't like to think that's my route, and I think Rye Lee's line is worth throwing in.

with that information i have the feeling sex isn't gonna happen now. if a girl ever tells me we should have sex in the morning, i'll try my hardest to make sure it happens at night..

Your input is appreciated. I can't obsess over it, because it's too late. Discipline!

Although I feel an attachment, the fact that my lips were sore in the morning should probably go to show that I did not spend the time to know her well as a person. The attachment is my obsession with perfection and need to feel that things were made right. I will attempt to rectify as I feel I lose nothing by doing so, but I cannot let myself dwell here.

She was of braggable quality but I live in a student town...

Here's a slightly off topic question (I'm sure I can do that - It's my thread!); Oral sex with a stranger? I think that could have made this SO much easier, it's a strong point of mine