The best way to a woman’s heart isn’t her stomach, nor her mother -it’s her confusion. You want a woman to wonder just a little bit where she stands with you, and to create a dynamic where she ends up coming some of the distance to feel YOU out. The best way to do this? Pushing and Pulling.

Inside the hearts of men…

There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino.

He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’

Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Shit, I’m actually in hell.’

What exactly does that have to do with attracting women? Quite a lot, actually.

Simply put, we humans like getting what we want… but not if it’s TOO easy. If something just falls into our lap without a fight or without effort, it suddenly loses some worth. Maybe we start to reassess our first judgment, we question if it’s really worth having.

After all, if it’s this easy, then everyone would be doing it. IF it’s worth it.

Not to mention, the journey helps CREATE the worth - the more you fight for it, the more you’ll savor it.

And I’m telling you this because…?

Don’t give it up too easily

Creating worth is ALL about attracting women.

If this were the 50s and I was a mom speaking to a daughter, I’d probably tell you to play hard-to-get.

But it’s the 21st century, I’m pretty sure you’re not my daughter and I KNOW I’m not your mom, so we need something more sophisticated. And as a man, we need to be more proactive, less passive about our chances.

We need to push. And pull. Make the woman feel like a yo-yo. It’ll drive her crazy - in all the right ways, all ways which are not only PART of a successful mating dance, they’re the MOST important steps.

Let me explain a bit.

Pushing and Pulling

What’s a pull? When you say something which is hopefully a bit cocky, playful, and funny all at the same time. Like she laughs at one of your jokes, you pause, give her a half-smile and say ‘You love me.’ or ‘I want a small wedding, ok?’ or ‘That was easy - all we need now is a little privacy and a soft surface. Or do you like it hard?’

Get it? Make assumptions about how attractive you are, how much she wants to jump your bones, and use all that to PULL her towards you. Let her know how lucky she is to have found you.

And at the same time, push. Let her know it’ll never work out. Say she tells you she only dates rich men, and she asks if you’re rich. ‘Nope. In fact, you’re paying for the next six rounds. That guy over there has an expensive shirt on, maybe you should hook up with him.’

Or if she says she likes bad boys, ‘Oh, my momma wouldn’t approve. I guess the wedding’s off - if that’s what momma says, of course.’

Basically, WHATEVER she says she looks for in a man, go ahead and play the OPPOSITE.

In words only we’re talking about. This is called flirting.

Every time you PULL with a compliment, you’ve got to PUSH with a tease. The vaguer and more possibly true, the better. If you’ve given a SINCERE compliment (as they all should be anyway), you’ve REALLY got to work on PUSHING HARD with something negative.

Something like ‘I’m not surprised YOU’D say that.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m not telling.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know you well enough - and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’

‘WHAT?’

‘See, you’re doing it again.’

Don’t be nasty, be fun - and mysterious

Remember, you want to keep everything PLAYFUL. That’s the key to making everything work.

She shouldn’t have any idea if you’re serious - with both the pushes and the pulls. You’ve got to keep her guessing the whole time.

This is EXACTLY where you want her mind to be - it both causes her to devote a LOT more mental energy to you than she would otherwise, AND it makes you more interesting. Complex. And fun.

That very complexity, interest, and fun GREATLY increases your worth.

Many of the women who were MOST into me were those who LEAST knew where they stood. As you practice this, you’ll find out it’s a VERY powerful tool.

Don’t be a jerk

One of the other things it sometimes does is create INSECURITY in the woman. Now, a little insecurity can be a good thing - it adds spice, keeps everything from becoming boring and monotonous, likewith our gambling friend.

But you don’t want to be cruel, and TOO MUCH insecurity can damage both the lady and your relationship with her. Don’t take this too far. If she seems to be getting genuinely upset, it’s time to pull a little bit - ‘Hey, don’t worry so much, look who I’ve decided to spend my valuable time with.’

But in general, men do WAY too much pulling, making it clear how awesome they find a woman and how much they want to be with her. Chances are very good your pulling skills (Vitalio usage) are overdeveloped.

Work in the weak link - pushing

So instead, my assignment to you is to work on your PUSHING skills. Think of different ways to say to her ‘Hey, I know the sun doesn’t shine out your ass. And I don’t need you - I can pull (British usage) a woman any time I like. And I’m not convinced we’re right for each other.’

Hint: the less you use words, the better this will work. Body language - like not facing her, or flirting with other women - is
often MUCH more powerful.

So today (or tomorrow, but don’t wait any longer) go find a woman you’re VERY attracted to. And figure out a way to keep her engaged while at the same time PUSHING HARD.

You’ll get the balance between push and pull as time passes, but for the moment, practice those playful pushing maneuvers. Remember to keep it FUN - once it’s not, you’re just a bastard. Which can work - it’s one of the reasons bastards get more than their fairshare of chicks - but not something I’d recommend on a human level.

Push-Pull in relationships (fledgling or otherwise)

One other thing - as you get to know a woman better and you enter the rapport stage, you shouldn’t lose the push-pull dynamic, but it should morph a bit. Into something more like reward and punishment - so you REMAIN an interesting challenge, but you use it to teachher what kind of behavior is acceptable for you.

For instance, if she’s been great, you can take her to eat her favorite food. If she’s acting moody and bitchy, you can cut your time together short - ‘I don’t appreciate this kind of behavior, and I don’t deserve it. I’ll call you later when it’s out of your system.’

Reward and punishment is a little trickier, and we’ll deal with it again at a later time. For now, focus on learning to PUSH just as well as you’ve learned to PULL.

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BRENT AKA "HOLLYWOOD"

awesome post. putting it in my Favorites list.

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"I use to believe when a girl said she love me, but now I take off, don't look back and keep runnin. A hundred MPH Im hidin my smile but now I find time just for writin it down" -Equipto

"Life's not a bitch, Life is a beautiful woman" -Aesop Rock

Great article man this really helped me, this is one of my sticking points lol I tend to get IOI's and jump on them. lol I'm working on not coming off as clingy.

~Bennjimin

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What's My Age Again?

Great post, and so true!

I think I have a problem with the pulling part though, I can push women away quite effectively =P

Excellent review of a weak area for most of us. Thanks.

GREAT post, hollywoodinpa, this really helps me kno where i stand

thanks
big 'O'

Great post....This is something I have been trying to work on. Doing too much pulling and being too "nice" has not been getting me anywhere.

Love the write up, Thanks a lot!

Yeah, that is cool. I think recently I've been trying to be too much 'cocky/funny' and I've not balanced it with enough IOI's or 'pull'. That article has straightened me out a little now though - cheers

This is pretty much mysterys Bait—Hook—Reel—Release:

You: [Bait] What nationality are you?
Her: [Hook] French.
You: [Reel] Seriously? No way! The girl I had the biggest crush on in
high school was French! [Release] I can't even talk to you now

This is what I was gonna bring up as well. Pull is showing genuine interest with a comment like the above, or with a compliment.

The effect of the pull is such that it relieves you of your neediness and vulnerability, while at the same time leaving her with the compliment and with a sense of neediness.

This is somewhat related to cat-string-theory...
If you gave her the compliment and just left it there, she'd be free to do as she pleases with it. She could take it, she could reject it...but by taking it back YOURSELF, you leave her no choice but to want it (simply because you took it away)

Great post btw!

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-r34ct

great thread

the explinations help a lot to come up with your own material in the field.

i like that, that is exactly what we try to do when using push/pull

This is great but I seems to have a problem being about to carry on the converstion from here on! lets say you do the release and push! What happens then? Do you change the subject or what? If she asks why you cant talk to her now or w.e, then what do you do?

Push-pull is probably the best technique PUA has taught me.
Whether its a one liner, or a prolonged push pull scenario, its absolutely brilliant as its unpredictable, evokes and spikes emotions, and keeps them wondering about what youll do next.

I love starting with a few negs, and then continuing with push pulls after the first 3 minutes or so. I always use push pull on my friend zone girls regularly too, and they love it.
In addition, some people use the strategy of befriending the "mother hen" of the set to get to the target girl. It might work to get the girl for that night, but sometimes they realize youre trying to gain her approval, and you might look like a tool -- not good later if they talk about you amongst themselves. Instead I push pull the obstacles, and neg the target. For example:
"Wow I see you guys have a body guard here, I see why you roll with her!(My body language faces her and leaning back i give a 'bring it' face - body language neg). Thats awesome. I'll tell you what, youre officially my bodyguard too. Im tired of random girls talking to me and groping my ass. Im glad we met now!". After that, assuming i treat them like ive known them for years and dont hesitate, Ive passed any obstacles.


I also use it when talking about other people that arent present. It shows that you arent a backstabbing scumbag, but you still bond with the group by talking about other people.
E.g:
John is a horrible dancer. But he does give off this fun party vibe when he does!
In addition, push pull almost ALWAYS goes along with kino. It is in my opinion the most useful technique when used right, if you understand the basics.


I do think however, the more you get to know the girl, the more sparingly it should be used. E.g. if youve known her for two weeks, theres more time in between push/pulls and negs.
David D says people ask him: "where is the limit of cocky & funny?"
and he always answers: "there is no limit, if youre actually being cocky AND funny". Which is a terrible answer to that question for people who want to learn. To keep being cocky AND funny, you have to use either new lines all the time or use it less as time goes on. Doing it to other people also provokes laughter from those that have been desensitized to it too. What do you guys think?

i am also having some push/pull issues

Last weekend after opening and building attraction with 2 different HB7's at two different times. I was playing the push/pull game but something didn't feel right...

It felt like i was confusing them and actually making things uncomfortable rather than building comfort. I kept throwing witty negs in and then saying "ahh i'm just messin with you" or "but you know what, i kinda like that". once at some point between A3 and C1 when i started qualification, both girls I tried this on ended up giving me the "i have to go find my friends" or "i'll be right back". granted, they both did come back, so i started in A2 again i think the push/pull got too confusing for them because they seemed a bit frustrated and ended up leaving to find their friends again. I think this is because my game attracted them, but was not making it comfortable. To be honest none of the 2 girls were really all that attractive so they might be HB6's in reality.

Comfort building seems to be a major sticking point for me. Anybody know what i'm doing wrong? do you think there was an error in my calibration? should i have used more kino?