Using a corny love letter to win a hot babe

Ok I thought up this crazy scheme after being sleep deprived for several days so I'd like some feedback from professionals. Basically I'm going to write the one who got away in high school a corny love letter. But theres a twist.

I WONT be trying to ask her out or anything. Instead I will be asking that she try to set me up with any of her FRIENDS.

A little background she knows me as a class clown and we're both in college now and haven't seen each other in 2 years.

Basically I'm going to tell her this long story about how my dad always raised me to be tough and not have feelings and be a jerk. And that the only reason I have to be such a badass on the outside is because Im a tortured poet on the inside. Trying to impress my no nonsense blue collar dad. I will then tell her all the Rambo stuff I've did with regret. Then I tell her that after this summer Im going to devote my life to feeding blind zebras or something but this summer is my last chance to love.

Now I was more popular than her in high school. BUT I will close the letter by saying that the only reason I'm asking for her help is that she was so popular and kind in high school and that I felt that she would understand.

Thats the letter. Basically a balance between bad-ass and angsty poet.

I figure all the outcomes are acceptable,

1. She tries to save me and I get the girl of my dreams

2. She sets me up with a 7, I can act like a jerk to her and Alice will keep defending me.

3. She sets me up with an ugly girl. My chance to impress Alice with my kindness.

4. She ignores me. Nothing lost.

5. She tries to ridicule me and sends my desperate letter to all her friends for laughs. This should win some sympathy and make her look like a total bitch, with me opening up my heart to her and all.

it will probably end up in the trash after you leave thats kind of a bad idea man. this is my opinion i don't know the girl so you can take it however you want

one she probably doesn't even know you that well for you to do that.
second you will look like a total loser thats desperate. third she will never want to see you again. again i don't know your relationship with this chick and im giving a typical chick reaction.

so lil history would be helpful.

Mate, u say u haven't seen her in 2 years but have u even had contact... phone calls, emails, facebook etc??

Yea this does not sound like a good idea...

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Time to go to work...

hmm No

Are you kidding man??
WOMEN DON'T LIKE LETTERS.

Every women thinks it's romantic, but when they receive it from a BOYFRIEND. You're not her boyfriend, so don't write a letter.

You probably won't get any favours from her. She haven't seen you since a lot of time. The best way is to meet her again, talk and be nice to her.

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"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." - Carl Jung