I have a hard time with eye contact with talking to a girl (or anyone really).

I feel like I usually break eye contact first so to compensate for this I try to play this weird balancing game where I attempt to have both of us have an even ratio of broken eye contacts in the line of conversation (not like we both look away at the same time, but there is an even number of look-aways between both of us). Does that make sense?

And if it is a group of people in a conversation, I always try to pay attention to who the person is looking at the most, how they scan and what-not. I always assume if someone is looking at you more than they are more attracted to you.

Anyways, this kind of drives me crazy, messes up my game, and it's all I think about when having a conversation.

Any suggestions on what I can do with eye contact? How to utilitize it? etc.

I can certainly relate, I used to have the exact same problem.

Think about this: what would it be like for you to be a confident and effective conversationalist?

Many people, shy or not, find that they need help with their conversational skills. Although you don't consider yourself to be shy, you might have at least one thing in common with shy people: you may attach more meaning to your own words and actions (in this case, eye contact) than those around you. Naturally, you're less able to tune into the actual words and flow of a conversation because you're paying attention to where your eyes are. You should know, though, that noticing this as an area to work on is a great first step.

Consider how long you look into someone's eyes when you speak. Most people can only look into someone's eyes for at most three seconds before either person glances away. This is because eye contact expresses intimacy, and as a direct glance becomes longer, the feelings become more intense. So, for a professional speech, only look directly into someone's eyes for about a second. A longer glance might make someone uncomfortable or could be construed as inappropriate flirting.

Because of the intimacy and openness involved eye contact, shy people often have trouble with it. (Yes, shy people do speak in public, including a number of famous performers. I've known people who feel comfortable speaking in front of a large, seemingly faceless crowd but become nervous when talking to individuals face-to-face.)

If you find yourself nervous about looking people directly in the eye, start small. Just give someone a brief glance or look around their eyes instead of directly into their pupils. With practice, you will become more comfortable with giving people direct eye contact, and you will find your shyness start to dissolve.

- Chris

Thanks for the information Chris.

Do you think if I'm trying to talk to a female I'm interested in I should try to hold eye contact longer than I normally would, or longer than I feel comfortable with. Does it display confidence?