If I am an expert in anything, they are in long-term relationships. So perhaps I can lend you a hand here.
At this point, I think you definitely have your head in the right place--learning PUA, recognizing what a mistake long-distance relationships are, etc. Good start.
First thing you need to do is remove the high stakes that this girl carries. It is tough, I know, but this girl being so important is what will kill your resolve in the long run. Talk to most of the more experienced people out here, and they will tell you how they are attracting much more beautiful women than they ever were before; and they can select who they wish to attract, rather than then lucking out from time to time. So this girl being the hottest, coolest girl you've ever dated ought to play a small role--there will always be hotter, cooler women out there. And I feel your pain, because a past with someone makes them incredibly attractive to me as well.
As for practical advice on how to keep the girl in the right place (where she apparently is right now)--
First--you do have flaws and she knows it. She's just tooting your horn because, chances are, she probably does miss you. Be honest with her, but don't look needy. There is a difference between considerate and honest and communicating that her presence is crucial to your happiness.
Allow me to quote from Dr. David Lieberman's
How to Get Anyone to Do Anything:
Quote:
It is bad advice, though often given, that you don't want to build up someone's confidence, and be overly flattering and complimentary, because then she will "know that you like her" and back off. To a degree, we know this can be true, because when someone likes us, while we are flattered, we can find ourselves less interested in that person. This reaction comes courtesy of the rule that says, We want what we can't have and want more of that which we have to work for. Simply, if it falls in our laps we tend to have less appreciation for it.
But herein lies the crucial difference between being attentive and kind versus telling her that she is your entire world and the only person for you. (Because, as we talked about, this removes doubt and begins to erode the passion.) The former is more objective and has to do primarily with her. The latter involves your relationship and invokes the rule of scarcity. Notice the crucial difference between saying how much you like this person—which makes you lose leverage—and telling her that she is a likable and great person. Merely stating that somebody is terrific makes her feel great and makes you look great. It's a winning combination because it's only the confident person who tells another how wonderful and terrific she is. And we like confident and secure people! The distinction is often blurred and we end up trying to "play it cool" and not wanting to "show our hand." This accomplishes little and creates a cold and uncomfortable SPAM. But lavishing this person with "objective" praise shows you in the best and most confident light and makes her feel great! Again, you want to let her know that you think she's great but not that she is your whole world and that you can't live without her.
I think this way is the best way to think about it. You want to maintain emotional control--this is crucial. If she thinks you are there to stay, then the passion will disappear and you will be relegated to the "nice" guy that she feels no chemistry with. But that doesn't mean you can't tell her what an amazing person you though she was.
When you do this, just be careful of a few things. Don't use words like "best"--"best sex", "best girlfriend", etc. you're putting her on a pedestal.
Also, don't talk about how she hurt you, upset you, or anything like that. First, you want to appear as emotionally unflappable as possible (not cold, just unflappable)--it shows that she doesn't have control over you. Second, it is unproductive. Even if you can logically convince her that she did wrong, she can't be convinced that she ought to be attracted to you. You don't have to mince words, and you can tell her that she acted pretty cruelly or something (if that is something you want to say), but you don't talk about her effect on you. Just don't try to guilt trip her, or anything of the kind--this is just another issue of you maintaining control of the relationship...you don't let her get away with whatever she wants.
My suggestion for when you meet her in a couple weeks...flirt with her, kino, even make out. Whether you go beyond that is a judgment call. Making out is cool--obviously you two are still attracted to each other. But I would stop it there. If it happens again, and things get hot and heavy just say that you don't want to go further, because you know that you don't want to be unfair to her, because you don't want to get too involved in things again before you go off to Iraq. Tell her you don't know what the future holds, and that you don't want to be seen as the guy who just takes advantage of her and leaves.
If she doesn't care or she reinitiates, then you can go for it. After all, it was her choice. And don't be afraid to talk about this in the heat of the moment if you can keep the energy up. Chances are she is more likely to acquiesce to something when she is turned on, which will give you even more power.
As for where to start on books, PM me, I have a few suggestions.
CHAT