EDIT/UPDATE FOR 2014:

This is my old "Ask Me" thread from 2008-2010.

Back in those days, a lot of experienced PUAs had "Ask Me" threads where people could go straight to a reliable source for answers. There were already many Ask Me threads about beginner questions and more basic stuff, so I decided to dedicate my Ask Me thread for "Advanced Questions."

After having realized the bullshit behind saying that my thread was for "advanced questions" only, I locked and closed my thread with no intention of ever unlocking it ever again.

Well, it's 2014 now, and I've come a long way as an expert in the field of dating and seduction. Many of my opinions have changed, and I will very likely disagree with many of the answers I had provided in the past.

Therefore, I'd like to re-open my Ask Me thread to ANY and ALL questions anyone may have about dating and seduction. I would like to reintroduce the culture of reliable information being propagated on this forum, and I hope that re-opening my old Ask Me thread will serve as a step in that direction.

Just a few of the many things I can help you with:

I have been in the PUA community since 2003. I have extensive experience with:

• Dating and seducing all kinds of women, of course!
• PUA-related ebooks, DVD programs, etc. I have exposed myself to and researched most of the available products on the market.
• Ethical/moral/philosophical discussion in regards to pickup.
• Leadership dynamics and group organization, such as PUA Lairs and social circles.
• Teaching others the art of pickup.
• Being an Asian PUA in American society (lived in the US most of my life).
• Being an Asian-American PUA in Korean society (living in South Korea currently).
• Friends With Benefits (FWB) relationships.
• Being an introvert trying to learn and practice PUA stuff, which is very extrovert-centric.
• Successfully finding a way to be a lethally seductive introvert without having to fake being extroverted.
• Also, I have been in a happy exclusive relationship for the past ~2 years, so I've learned a thing or two about maintaining healthy, happy LTRs.

My story:

The decade-long journey I've walked in all of this pickup stuff was a dark and gruesome path full of mistakes, shame, regret, but also happiness and success.

I've heard pickup "gurus" much more famous than myself bragging about how 50% of their students go out and successfully get women's phone numbers during their bootcamps. I scoffed when I heard this.

During the last workshop I held in New Orleans, I trained a handful of guys with both seminar and infield instruction.

100% of them got make-outs during the infield portion of my workshop.

That's right, ALL OF THEM at least kiss-closed during my program, and many of these students were complete beginners with no prior experience in going out and trying to pick up girls.

I wasn't always so great at teaching this stuff. In fact, I wasn't always very good at pickup myself.

Let's start at the very beginning...

I started liking girls while I was in the second grade of Elementary school, which is probably a really young age since most of my friends were still running away from girls in fear of "cooties." What did I like about girls when I was that young? I don't know. I was too young to know of sexual urges.

I remember asking my mother, "Mom, what made you fall in love with Dad?" to which she replied, "He told me that I was the only woman that he loved."

A foolish child, I took that advice to heart, thinking that I could win love by showing dedication and desperation.

In the third or fourth grade (I can't really remember which), I had a crush on one of my classmates. I would supplicate to her, write her love letters, and generally avoid talking to her face to face. I'm sure the avoidance was mutual, but for different reasons. On Valentine's Day I got her a white teddy bear. I left it on her desk.

Disgusted, she returned it to me...

From that day forward I cursed Valentines Day and all the love and happiness that it stood for because, as far as I could tell, I could not have it.

Maybe I didn't deserve love and happiness...

I went through Middle school chasing after girls, oneitis after oneitis, rejection after rejection. I was convinced that I was "in love" with each of those girls. Although it sent me down a depressive spiral of hopeless self-pity, I was still damn persistent and played the "nice guy" card over and over, thinking that there was at least one special girl around who would be able to return my codependent feelings of attachment and neediness for affection.

Every time I sought advice from female friends, the only thing they could tell me was, "You just haven't found the right girl yet."

So I kept looking for the "right girl" who would take me into her arms and wholeheartedly accept the desperate love and needy low-self esteem that defined me.

I did not find her.

This story of mine is not something I normally share with others because simply thinking about my pathetic, desperate years still brings me enough grief to piss me off.

When I say "pathetic," I really do mean that I was PATHETIC.

In fact, it brings me great shame to admit that I tried to kill myself.

More than once.

Why did I try to take my own life?

Honestly, I think most of you will never understand the mental and emotional suffering it takes to want to actually die, let alone attempt it. And I think most of you will never understand how much a boy can suffer from being so bad with girls and never feeling relief from the intense desperation of loneliness.

However... I bet some of you can. In fact, I bet a lot of you can understand what it feels like to be desperate, lonely, and heartbroken. And I bet you really know how much it sucks.

They asked me why I had wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't bring myself to admit that it was because of girl problems; that would be absolutely ridiculous.

Out of shame I lied and told them it was because I felt too much pressure to make good grades. After that, whenever I thought about killing myself, I rationalized the desire away by thinking, "I might as well live because I can still help other people."

I still felt worthless, and I felt that I didn't deserve any affectionate pleasures of life. Why else would I have been denied them?

Then came 2003. I was just 14 years old.

I found PUA stuff on the internet. After reading some of the teachings, everything made a lot more sense. My entire life perspective had been turned upside down. These self-proclaimed "pickup artists" and "dating gurus" gave advice and tips that actually worked when I tried them out for myself (I finally got a girl to like me back!), unlike all the "be a nice guy" and "be yourself" sort of advice that I kept hearing everywhere else.

I had been bred by my parents and by society to be a spineless coward, to supplicate to every whim of women, to put women up on a pedestal, to worship the ground they walked on if I ever hoped to have a true romantic connection with one of these goddesses. Society told me to cut my balls off and to present them to women on a silver platter, but the Seduction Community told me to man up and to embrace my natural masculinity shamelessly and maturely... and it worked.

It fucking worked.

I found the salvation I've always wanted. I found an escape from the hell of loneliness and desperation because I finally found out that there really was a way out.

From that day on I have devoured every piece of pickup-related information I could find, and kicked myself in the ass to get out of the house, practice, and turn myself into one of these pickup artists.

That was nearly a decade ago.

Throughout my long journey I've learned so much, been through every "phase" and hardship someone learning pickup goes through, been with any "type" of woman you probably want to be with, and it was a very long and slow process that I dragged my feet through from start to finish.

I then turned toward helping others who were once in my shoes or any similar position of desperation.

And I decided that it was my calling.

So, here I am.

Ask me anything.

From your experience as a leader and member of lairs, how important is a code of conduct or a mission statement for each specific lair? Are these rules and codes necessary or not? Are they unspoken or should they be codified?

_________________
- Zip

Thank you for the excellent question, Zip.

For any group with similar goals consisting of members with different temperaments, talents, and convictions, a broad code of conduct/mission statement is so important that it is inevitable for any surviving group, whether it be written or unspoken.

In evolution, when a species faces any challenge, it can do one of three things:
1. Move.
2. Adapt.
3. Die out.

Lairs and groups will be subject to growth and the process of evolution with every challenge they face. Assuming that lairs cannot "move," they must either adapt by creating codes or die out. If not, the lair isn't facing challenges, meaning that the lair is already dead in a sense (completely inactive).

The closer-knit the group/lair is, the better it can get away with having an unspoken, tacit code. The longer it lasts and the more members it has, the more there will be a need for something more tangible.

I am in the San Francisco/Bay Area Lair because I go there when I go home from college. They are very organized with specific rules because their membership count is in the hundreds. The New Orleans lair, which I am one of the three current leaders of, is facing some challenges right now and we are in the process of needing adaptation. We are getting more and more members and will get more organized with tangible codes and rituals to unify the larger numbers.

The Attraction Theory Group is my own personal group of close-friend PUAs. For a while, we did not have a written doctrine. As we grew, I mistakenly ignored the need for a written code. By word of mouth, we just agreed on two simple ethical rules:
1. Bros before hos.
2. Leave her better than you found her.
We never discussed these rules to detail and just went on the assumption that we would all understand these two rules in the same way.

Big mistake. One of the more prominent members thought he could twist his own selfish interpretations of these rules and get away with it. He stirred up a good deal of drama that almost tore the group in half.

After his exile from The Attraction Theory Group, I wrote up a more specific, yet still consisting of broad concepts, doctrine: Since I applied this creed to the group, we became more clear-minded as to what our goals are and were better able to see past misguided interpretations of the group's purpose.

I hope that answered your question.

Waddup Chief. I have a list of Ross Jeffries' patterns and I'm just wondering when you should implement these patterns? During A3? Also, is reading the Player Guide on fastseduction.com sufficient for understanding SS?

Well, you can technically throw in Speed Seduction is almost any phase of the game. The goal of Speed Seduction is to structure your use of language to captivate the imagination and pace/lead the subconscious.

Even Mystery claims to use some Speed Seduction after isolation, when he's doing one-on-one work with the target, so you know that SS can easily be mixed with the M3 model as you are trying to do. I personally think you can use SS patterns most effectively whenever you are one-on-one, but if you want to get used to Speed Seduction you should throw in subtle NLP bits here and there throughout the entire pickup, such as doing self-points when you are talking about admirable traits.

The Player Guide on the fastseduction site is very thorough. I know they have a section on SS and patterning. If you want to have some knowledge of SS basics to mix in with the rest of your game, it's going to be all you need, but always keep in mind that practice makes perfect. You won't truly understand any aspect of the game without actually practicing it over and over again in real life. If you want to look into SS more in-depth, there's a plethora of resources available at your fingertips on the internet and from the products available on Ross Jeffries' website.

I hope that answers your questions.

Here's a question someone asked on another forum. I just thought I'd post up my response here because it's awesome.

His question: My response:
Yes, you're absolutely right, but it's more like the natural result from the conversational and emotional flow you create leads to physical intimacy (or a tension to move toward physical intimacy) regardless of predetermined intent. That's just human nature.
I'll tell you right now that men who use pickup with a "manipulation" mentality usually fail. It's not the right way to go about things. A good PUA understands that you can only control yourself, not other people. It's just that if you can develop yourself in a beneficial way through the pickup arts, you will become your "best self," and expressing your best self will inevitably attract others to you (whether you like it or not).
If you "express your best self" as I have stated previously (it's all about authenticity, man), women will "like you for who you are." If you express yourself with passion you will become a vortex that sucks other people into your reality, and they will LOVE you for it. They will LOVE the experience. If chess is something you really genuinely enjoy, women won't be able to help but to feel a desire to be a part of that joyful experience. Yes, they will want to play chess with you.

Things like the Mystery Method may seem like an artificial outline for the purposes of seduction on th surface level, but any aspiring PUA needs to look deeper to find the true meaning. The Mystery Method isn't an outline for manipulation; it's an outline that describes a natural process. Unfortunately, most guys are out of touch with that natural process of courtship, influenced by mind-fucking social programming such as treating anything with long hair and boobs are something sacred and higher than yourself.

I was talking to one of my friends earlier today and he stated that he believed in chivalry. I said, "that's cool, but why?" Eventually, as we dug deeper, even though he told me that he would buy a drink for a girl he enjoyed the company of, he admitted that he would not buy a drink for one of his guy friends if he was enjoying company.

That's a double standard. It's not being true to yourself and therefore you are not "being yourself" by buying drinks for women. You are especially not "being your best self" if you aren't living in a fairly consistent alignment with your values.

I believe in chivalry, too, but in a different way, for different reasons. It's obvious that most guys follow a code of "chivalry" because they think it would impress women and therefore give them more of a chance to get laid, but I believe in expressing compassion for EVERYONE regardless of race, gender, economic standing, or any differences. This state of authentic consistency is something every PUA ultimately strives for. It's becoming "natural" at this art.

As you delve more into this discipline, you'll get a better understanding of these concepts and you won't be so attracted to the perception that it's all about those concepts of "manipulation" that make pickup look so flashy and cool. =P

So, yes. You can use these "tricks" to get women to play chess with you. I hope you find a woman who can beat you, though. Then you'll know you found a special person that challenges you to grow and mature with your passions that make you who you are.

...unless you don't actually like chess. Lying bastard =P

How does it come to be that a pua gains a lot of experience without
settling down? What is the motivation to not settle down with a 9 or a 10?

_________________
"Anyone who sees us is gonna see us with girls."

I'll admit that I'm only 18 years old, but I do have plenty to say about this subject.

PUAs share the same skillsets and mindsets, but they are still all different people with different core motivations in life. That's one of the many things that make this community a beautiful one: diversity.

Some PUAs learn this discipline with the goal of eventually wanting to settle down. As Jlaix once so clearly stated in The Jeffy Show, "to get the one girl, you must be able to get all the girls." I bet you can recall from The Game by Style that he wanted to settle down with Lisa. I don't know about their current relationship status, but I've heard different stories. Some say that they broke up, and some say that they're still together, but nowadays no one says anything about it.

Even Mystery says that he would eventually want to marry a beautiful bisexual girl with fake tits...I think.

Some PUAs just want to live the life of Hugh Hefner. Some want a happy marriage. Some want MLTRs. Some want to be pimps or something. Whatever motivation a man may have, the pickup arts can offer the resources to help fulfill any goal he may have in regards to his love life.

I currently possess the goal of living the single life and to never settle down. However, I'm still keeping my mind open

Now, about HB10s...

I personally don't use the 1-10 rating system, but I like Gunwitch's idea of "Your 10," and how you should be looking for a woman who you feel is a 10 to YOU, regardless of what the rest of society defines beauty.

Speaking from a biological perspective, someone who is a genuine 10 to you will be more attracted to you as well. And with someone like that, why wouldn't you want to settle down with her for at least a little while?

Please explain.

I joined the community when I was about 14.
WOW. HOW UNBELIEVABLE.

Here's my story more in-depth:

I am a short Asian guy who used to be horrible with girls. Throughout the earlier years of my life (mostly around middle school and early high school), my love life sucked. I followed all the “nice guy” rules and codes of chivalry or whatnot, but girls only saw me as a friend or "loved me like a brother" as a result. However, I was damn persistent and got rejected by a plethora of girls within those years. With each of those girls I was being the “nice guy” who complimented them every day, bought them gifts, succumbed to their every whim... and then I saw the guys they dated. I always thought they were selfish jerks and I swore to never be like them because they couldn’t have been the type of guys that girls really wanted, right? They only got the girls because they were white or something like that (I grew up in mostly Caucasian neighborhoods). I got so depressed from my failures that I began doing things to myself that weren't exactly wise in terms of my mental and physical health. I always thought, “If I were taller and if I were white things would be totally different.” Little did I know: the only thing that was holding me back was the fact that I knew nothing about the opposite sex! I also did not understand myself. Then, in 2003, I discovered “The Community.”

The Community followed many teachings about human nature. That sparked a new passion in my life which eventually became my college major: psychology. Ever since then I read several texts, many by Ph.D.'s, pertaining to psychology and theories of attraction. At an early age I began studying advanced subjects in psychology such as the effects of the EEA upon our biological impulses that determine our behavior, a.k.a. evolutionary psychology. The topic that always interested me the most in the field, however, was gender differences and how they affect our communication. The internet, books, and schooling have been amazing resources for me to soak up all this knowledge that people have been researching for years and years. I applied what I learned to my own life and became a happier and more attractive individual. As a musician, I also began seeing many correlations between pickup and musical performance. Everything in life began feeling more real and beautiful as I became more involved in the Community.

I will say right now with complete confidence that one day, I will become a mPUA. I'm going to help out thousands of guys out there that used to be like me so that they may have the option of living a more fulfilled, bright life with actual romantic OPTIONS.

I moved into New Orleans for college and started hanging out with the lair guys. The lair leader I met could see the inner game I have been developing over the years and was actually quite impressed. I worked my way up to solid recognition within the lair and the admin entrusted me with some responsibility...and I WILL rock the community with new innovations.

**Respect** Good answer.

_________________
"Anyone who sees us is gonna see us with girls."

Hey!..I moved recently to a place and there's a chick that works there..we just had a fun chat earlier, when i moved..she told me she is a title defender..and man she is hot!..days passed. She had earlier said if i find some time i should visit when she fights!
Whenever i have been around, really rare!..i have tried to play with her, for like seconds at max..trying to play little funny touch games.- not much to build rapo.

I was earlier playing pool and she walked in..and she too tried touching me..with a gesture(may be i am reading too much)..but then said if u want to come watch the fight, ...then i said send me the invite.
She said i don't want to snoop so u can give me ur details, i said and what about urs..so she gave me her contacts.

Now, while writing the details she said i have a man!..i had read that stupid line about 100$ and 200$..(not a recommended method) , but i said u know ..when u have a 100$..don't u want another 100..

she laughed and said u are funny!..
then told me she loves to cook..i said. then what are u cooking for me..
(she said..man I need to cook something..)..(I know i should have an exact thing in my mind, for what should be cooked.But, a AFC afterall.

Now..back to my perpetual prblm, what and where and how?As in what next.
She is really hot, has been state BP and tried US pageant too!..
And got a MAN!...
(i generally don't mess with others!..but..learning PUA on this..would be great!..and do me some good)

Masters! what do u say or guide!

_________________
...I have to learn to crawl before I learn to walk

Hobbit,
1. I'm glad you asked questions about evolution. It is something I have been brainstorming for quite a while, especially in combination with current technology such as the pickup arts.

I believe that the pickup arts is a form of adaptation in terms of evolution. It's not a downfall. Throughout the course of evolution, a species can experience a sudden mutation, or they can genetically adapt a certain characteristic over time. As one of my middle school teachers once told me, if we all duct taped our legs together and swam all the time, we could eventually evolve to become mermaids. Therefore, I think the "less effective genotypes" have a great potential to stand the challenges of life and to eventually become "more effective" over several generations.

However, I do believe that it would weaken the species if PUAs were learning only Outer Game with the "fake it til you make it" concept in mind while reproducing a lot. Otherwise, I think the effects would be highly insignificant.

2. My favorite research text on evolutionary psychology is the Sexual Strategies Theories paper by Buss and Schmitt. In reading this study, it became apparent to me that our species has NOT evolved to become monogamous. The reason that it seems so is due to the feminist social programming of modern time combined with the reasoning David Deangelo described in his "It's OK to be a man" chapter in DYD.

In Sexual Selection and the Descent of Man, Trivers concluded that, because reproduction is a high risk and a huge investment for women, women would be a lot more pickier in choosing a mate. Since men have less to invest, they would want to reproduce as much as possible because it would be advantageous for their genes to do so.

Buss and Schmitt took Trivers' work and surveyed the hell out of many many people. They found, from survey answers, that men would generally want to have more sexual partners than women. In light of this study, I think the monogamy of our species is mostly due to social programming, and not evolution.

Now, I will concede to the fact that pair-bonds are necessary to raise offspring. However, as Mystery even says, after a few years, the child would naturally be raised by his/her peer group, and the pair-bond becomes no longer necessary.

3. Um... lol I've never looked through the eyes of a white man before, so I have nothing to compare to.

If you mean that she is a co-worker, I would recommend avoiding "shitting where you eat," unless the nature of your job handles all the logistical issues that may follow from doing so.
Let me start off by saying that I generally don't care about IOIs and whether or not a girl's "interested" in me or not because I assume the sale anyway. My general reality that I frame for me is that if I like a girl, she will like me, or I can get her to like me from expressing my authentic self very easily.

With that said, let's assume that she's given you the boyfriend objection due to the fact that she wishes to absolve herself of moral responsibility if she happens to cheat on him with you.

If you flinched and didn't pass that congruence test, however, next her and try again
Food is awesome. Get her to cook something for you! Why? Because food is awesome. I'm not even talking about game. Food is awesome.
It's all up to you, man.
Don't be a sheep, but be the shepherd of your own life. Decide on how you can align your life to your core values by taking the actions you believe to be most authentic to who you are. If taking another man's woman is REALLY something that you would never do, just next her. Don't let a scarcity mentality get in the way of your judgment. If you want to go for it, your best bet would probably be to just pump massive BT and close.

Thanks Chief, Being new, I couldn't get every word of it..
I will look for the meanings on the post and leave doubts here also so that if I don't find it in the earlier posts - I know where to look at

didn't pass the congruence test - ? not sure what is that.

next her ??

BT and close --??

...in the mean while I am looking around for the meanings..

_________________
...I have to learn to crawl before I learn to walk