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@jackzero- first of all: talk of being "the man" or not being respected as "the man" do not resonate with me. i live in the year 2017 and see a relationship between two equal individuals with the same basic needs. these "manlyness issues" often come from people who are the most insecure about that very subject.
the reason for the break up was two fold: her depression reached a peak at that time and anyone who knows about this issue knows that it is a serious mental disease where individuals are unable to put their life in proper perspective. which is why any clinical psychologist will confirm that people are always advised to refrain from substantial decisions in phases of depression. the second reason was the "not feeling butterflies" aspect. part of that most definitely comes from the depression issue, but what also plays into this is lack of experience concerning long relationships. she is substantially younger and never had a relationship that exceeded 2 months. someone with that little life experience will never know that these "butterflies" will always fade with time whilst other aspects in a relationship will grow. so if you are expecting my to fault her for these circumstances, then i will most certainly not do that. my ego is big enough to understand that someone can be at a different stage in life and still needs to experience and learn things without me taking anything personal. it however is an entirely different question whether traing to be in a relationship with someone under these circumstances is a wise idea. but that never was the question at hand or the issue of this thread.
Agree with Jack. It cant just be a 14 month relationship ran its course? You could have given your entire story, she couldve been 45 no depression...sometimes the chick loses feelings. But your reasons are all external forces broke you two up... You think the depression and inexperience led to the breakup...ever think maybe you got her BECAUSE her life was shitty? Or BECAUSE she was inexperienced? Cant just say the external forces are the reason for the negative...they could very well be what kept it going.
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@neo87- i have come to terms with the relationship being over a long time ago and never even raised a little finger to eve try to get back together again. that being said, i have no reason to boycott my ex, not to listen how things have changed, what she has learned since etc. that is what adults do- interact, converse and see if there is a basis. so i have no idea where this notion from you and other users is coming from that i want her back. i never said that. i am just curious to know what her agenda is. i am aware of the problems at hand, but i am not ruling out anything, i am just keeping my options open. i also find the myth funny that it never works the second time around...i actually have two couples as friends, one couple being married by now, that broke up at some stage and got back together and have stayed happy over years since. one cant generalize this sort of stuff in one direction or the other.
But you KNOW things havent changed. See man, you're reaching for hope in this. If you really think it was her depression...how are you going to listen to her about what she's learned and all that...when you said you know things are WORSE for her? You cant just say it was her depression...its worse now..but still you want to see where it goes...you're just another guy hoping his ex takes him back. I could even kinda see if you had said your ex is better now, changed her life and is happy now and she hit you up. THEN that would kinda make sense that you'd want to try at least knowing she handled her shit. But you're saying she's WORSE now. I'll give you she broke up with you largely due to depression...why on earth would you entertain the possibility when the factor that broke you 2 up is WORSE now?! And I'll even give you she's young and inexperienced...how could things change in 6 months...she's still young and inexperienced...just has a shittier life now.
I agree depression is a serious issue and I'll give you that...but then if its so serious do you really think it could be cured in 6 months? You're not hoping she is better and open to the possibility of seeing if it could work...you KNOW things are worse and want her back. Thats the only reason I could think of why you'd entertain this.
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i also find the myth funny that it never works the second time around...i actually have two couples as friends, one couple being married by now, that broke up at some stage and got back together and have stayed happy over years since. one cant generalize this sort of stuff in one direction or the other.
Yeah, there are couples where 1 of them cheated and they got married and lived happily ever after. There are couples where one of them was abusive for years, stopped and they're happy now. But I dont give advice based on these long shots. And I dont know why you'd think it could work, when months ago when she had less depression it didnt. Months ago when she was at the same level of experience it didnt work. I'd love if you told me your ex was better and from your convo on the phone you got hope because she changed. How she was in a better place, had gained perspective and assessed her emotions...had her life now in order and a plan for how to deal with things when they go shitty in the future....and you 2 were meeting AFTER she was better...then MAYBE I could say, sure go ahead. If she had broken up with you because she was an alcoholic, would you really want to hear ppl say sure give it another go 6 months later when she's a bigger alcoholic? Sorry man, a LDR and age/experience gapped relationship is tough and you can say depression and whatever else led to the breakup and lost feelings but frankly, I wouldnt advise a young chick with major depression to be in a long distance relationship. If she's to be in a healthy relationship with her condition, she needs someone closeby. Not 6 hours away.
On a real talk note, lets call it what it is. You're not concerned about this chick, you're just hopeful that her circumstances and loneliness cause her to get back with you. If you really cared for her, you wouldnt see her when she's going through all this and even CONSIDER the option of being a couple. You'd want her to not be dependant on you for her issues, you'd want her better BEFORE adding another thing to her life. You wouldnt fret about meeting in your city, BECAUSE SHE ENDED IT...why would that matter...thought there were no hard feelings? thought you understood her situation?...why would her ending it dictate where you meet? Sorry man, you're maximizing major issues such as depression and experience, then forgetting about them when it means she's coming over. You're the guy who sees the drunk girl stumbling out of the bar and you offer her a ride. You're just after what YOU want.
CHAT
