when is a good time to get flowers?



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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:35 pm 
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having our 10th date soon, I was thinking about bringing a single rose. would give it to her in a cheeky casual manor, nothing too romantic.

too much?
uhh...


10th date?

Are you sleeping with her yet? Im surprised this question hasn't come up yet.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:50 pm 
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Women love flowers, my girlfriend loves flowers. She isn't getting any until a special occasion though. I'd hate to prescribe to the norm here but 10 dates in and before exclusivity, it should be your sex and company that wins her over, not gifts. Any guy can buy flowers.
Scroll up and point out where I said that use flowers to win her over. In fact, I said the exact opposite of that.

What you're not understanding is that the act of buying flowers doesn't mean anything unless they come from a guy that they want flowers from. They'll just be pretty flowers from some guy. If the guy that she's into buys her flowers, then he's already won her over. The OP is going on a tenth date, he's won her over. If you're saying that you should only get girl's flowers because of exclusivity or a special occasion, then you're just talking about your preference because at this point it makes no difference.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:42 pm 
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Women love flowers, my girlfriend loves flowers. She isn't getting any until a special occasion though. I'd hate to prescribe to the norm here but 10 dates in and before exclusivity, it should be your sex and company that wins her over, not gifts. Any guy can buy flowers.
Scroll up and point out where I said that use flowers to win her over. In fact, I said the exact opposite of that.

What you're not understanding is that the act of buying flowers doesn't mean anything unless they come from a guy that they want flowers from. They'll just be pretty flowers from some guy. If the guy that she's into buys her flowers, then he's already won her over. The OP is going on a tenth date, he's won her over. If you're saying that you should only get girl's flowers because of exclusivity or a special occasion, then you're just talking about your preference because at this point it makes no difference.
There is no right or wrong answer, every post on this matter is an opinion. My point on exclusively is that she could be dating another guy and that flowers isn't enough to want a girl to be exclusive. It's the other stuff behind that which makes her into you and want her to want flowers from you.

But yeah... Is the OP sleeping with her yet?

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:33 pm 
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Women love flowers, my girlfriend loves flowers. She isn't getting any until a special occasion though. I'd hate to prescribe to the norm here but 10 dates in and before exclusivity, it should be your sex and company that wins her over, not gifts. Any guy can buy flowers.
Scroll up and point out where I said that use flowers to win her over. In fact, I said the exact opposite of that.

What you're not understanding is that the act of buying flowers doesn't mean anything unless they come from a guy that they want flowers from. They'll just be pretty flowers from some guy. If the guy that she's into buys her flowers, then he's already won her over. The OP is going on a tenth date, he's won her over. If you're saying that you should only get girl's flowers because of exclusivity or a special occasion, then you're just talking about your preference because at this point it makes no difference.
There is no right or wrong answer, every post on this matter is an opinion. My point on exclusively is that she could be dating another guy and that flowers isn't enough to want a girl to be exclusive. It's the other stuff behind that which makes her into you and want her to want flowers from you.

But yeah... Is the OP sleeping with her yet?
What you're not recognizing, and to Jackzero and my own point earlier, is that its the energy to which you're gifting from.

If you're giving it to win favour with her, its done out of a scarcity mindset.

if you're giving to express your feelings (appreciation, thoughtfulness etc) for her, whatever those may be, then its not.

Its funny to me how fickle many of the forum members are when it comes to things, especially giving something to a girl. Simple solution? Check yourself first. If you're doing it to win her over, then you're not truly giving; rather you're doing this act from an insecure energy. So what you may be saying, "I can mask my intentions". It's not about how SHE feels, that is quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. It is more about how you'll feel about yourself. Do you want to set up a dynamic where you have this relationship based on reward/punishment? If so do things to win her over.

If you want to develop something healthy where you have equity in the relationship, transparency, and something secure then leave the needy (e.g. validation seeking) behavior at the door.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 6:28 pm 
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In fact, I said the exact opposite of that.

What you're not understanding is that the act of buying flowers doesn't mean anything unless they come from a guy that they want flowers from. They'll just be pretty flowers from some guy. If the guy that she's into buys her flowers, then he's already won her over. The OP is going on a tenth date, he's won her over. If you're saying that you should only get girl's flowers because of exclusivity or a special occasion, then you're just talking about your preference because at this point it makes no difference.
There is no right or wrong answer, every post on this matter is an opinion. My point on exclusively is that she could be dating another guy and that flowers isn't enough to want a girl to be exclusive. It's the other stuff behind that which makes her into you and want her to want flowers from you.

But yeah... Is the OP sleeping with her yet?
What you're not recognizing, and to Jackzero and my own point earlier, is that its the energy to which you're gifting from.

If you're giving it to win favour with her, its done out of a scarcity mindset.

if you're giving to express your feelings (appreciation, thoughtfulness etc) for her, whatever those may be, then its not.

Its funny to me how fickle many of the forum members are when it comes to things, especially giving something to a girl. Simple solution? Check yourself first. If you're doing it to win her over, then you're not truly giving; rather you're doing this act from an insecure energy. So what you may be saying, "I can mask my intentions". It's not about how SHE feels, that is quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. It is more about how you'll feel about yourself. Do you want to set up a dynamic where you have this relationship based on reward/punishment? If so do things to win her over.

If you want to develop something healthy where you have equity in the relationship, transparency, and something secure then leave the needy (e.g. validation seeking) behavior at the door.
Yup, I would agree with you that the gift giving depends on the frame it is coming from but IMO, unless the woman knows what frame it is, flowers are a bit much.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 6:42 pm 
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Yup, I would agree with you that the gift giving depends on the frame it is coming from but IMO, unless the woman knows what frame it is, flowers are a bit much.
And this is exactly why I said that if you are using flowers to communicate your intent instead of your actions, it's a loser move. It has nothing to do with occasions and/or exclusivity.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:24 pm 
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Women love flowers, my girlfriend loves flowers. She isn't getting any until a special occasion though. I'd hate to prescribe to the norm here but 10 dates in and before exclusivity, it should be your sex and company that wins her over, not gifts. Any guy can buy flowers.
Absolutely, 100% correct. Flowers are a cliche, and lazy. Not to mention there's an air of desperation about them.

Welcome to 2017.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:42 pm 
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Women love flowers, my girlfriend loves flowers. She isn't getting any until a special occasion though. I'd hate to prescribe to the norm here but 10 dates in and before exclusivity, it should be your sex and company that wins her over, not gifts. Any guy can buy flowers.
Absolutely, 100% correct. Flowers are a cliche, and lazy. Not to mention there's an air of desperation about them.

Welcome to 2017.
How is this 100% correct? He says women love flowers. In particular, his girlfriend loves flowers. Is Slick being cliche or lazy when he buys them for his girlfriend? Is it being cliche or lazy when you know that women love them? It's ridiculous to say that it's lazy because you know it's something that women like. Either way, Slick amended this statement and said it really depends on the frame that you're coming from.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:15 pm 
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I don't agree with his "women love flowers" line, but I agree with the rest of what he said about exclusivity.

Self-aware women these days (especially younger and fit socially valuable women) don't like the idea of killing flowers just so a rose or bouquet can sit in their apartment/house for a few days.

It's an idea that has runs its course with newer generations.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:19 pm 
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What you're not recognizing, and to Jackzero and my own point earlier, is that its the energy to which you're gifting from.

Oh God. Not this Hallmark card platitude again.

Quote:
If you're giving it to win favour with her, its done out of a scarcity mindset.

if you're giving to express your feelings (appreciation, thoughtfulness etc) for her, whatever those may be, then its not.
And she is supposed to know the difference? You're just going to look like all the other nimrods who tried to kiss her ass with flowers.

Giving flowers is a cliche, and it says a lot about you, and how you'll employ cliches elsewhere in your life.

Back to the OP's post, I'm seeing some red flags here:

1. 10 dates.
2. a single rose as a gift.
3. no mention of sex.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:33 pm 
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I don't agree with his "women love flowers" line, but I agree with the rest of what he said about exclusivity.

Self-aware women these days (especially younger and fit socially valuable women) don't like the idea of killing flowers just so a rose or bouquet can sit in their apartment/house for a few days.

It's an idea that has runs its course with newer generations.
So you're saying Slick's girlfriend is not self-aware, fit, or socially valuable? You are so busy trying to be right that you don't realize that other people's real life experience don't match with your conclusions.

I know what's next. You're going to insult me instead of being intellectually honest and admitting that you can't backup your statement when Slick has proven your statement incorrect.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:50 pm 
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lol, man you are really worked up and trying to find all these little battles where they don't exist.

Not insulting Slick at all, his girlfriend could be the exception. I'm merely relaying my experience.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:09 pm 
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lol, man you are really worked up and trying to find all these little battles where they don't exist.
Lol. I knew you couldn't resist at going for another strawman statement. We should call you Arch Strawman.
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Not insulting Slick at all, his girlfriend could be the exception. I'm merely relaying my experience.
And he was speaking from his experiences. He said women love flowers. My experience says that women love gestures that make them feel special from the men that they are into. Flowers are only a gesture/symbol that makes them feel special. I don't care what year it is, all women (men too) want to feel special. It's human nature.

It's funny you use the word as insult because that was your original intent. If someone doesn't agree with you, the insinuation is that the women that they get are of a lower value. You go for the insult or underhanded comment to shame people when they don't agree with your ideals. Standard Stanton.

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Last edited by JackZero on Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:26 pm 
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My girlfriend works in event planning, she spends most of her time arranging them so she is probably different from the norm in how much she likes them, but then her friends talk about wanting them from their boyfriends, so who knows. That being said, 7 months in, there hasn't been any reason to get her any apart from her birthday coming up. And guess what... She'll appreciate them more than if I had got them for her after her 10th date.

My previous point on the frame it's coming from is only really applicable to the guy and how he feels about doing it. The woman won't know what frame it's from, especially so early in their dating.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:43 pm 
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The woman won't know what frame it's from, especially so early in their dating.
This goes more into you, as a man, in how you express things. Even early on she knows when you're into her just as you can tell when she's into you.

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