I think my primary goal here is just to smash this oneitis shit to pieces once and for all. Don't really care if I get this girl or not. What I care the most about is following my purpose. Women is just some added bonus to existence, but shouldn't be my primary goal at all. However I deeply appreciate the "outer game" tips and tricks I get here, because I need them. But what is most important to me is to grow into mature and integrated manhood, becoming whole as a human being. Seems reasonably though, when following ones purpose, to flirt a little bit here and there with more than just one woman, but without putting too much into it, but at the same time, of course, also wanting to refine ones techniques and understanding of how the sexual dynamics works.

Stop acting like you are better than pickup...

There is nothing wrong with saying "I want to fuck a bunch of hot women before I die." That doesn't make you desperate, or clingy, or weak. That's just stating a goal that every heterosexual man has before some fat feminist beats him emotionally into a relationship or a golddigger sticks your used condom inside of her to trap you into fatherhood against your will.

So fucking stupid..."oh I don't even care about women I'm just gonna do me and if a girl shows up that's good" NOOOOOOOO. this stuff is within your control, and pulling that line is no better than saying you have no ability to attract women and thus will leave it to nonexistent forces like fate and destiny. You could start doing better right fucking now. Pick yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps and roll out!

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These hos ain't loyal

Hehe....

Well, you have some good points.

I'm starting to digg this community

It's just so boring to do it alone. Wish I had some high-quality wing-men. The real life people I used to be interested in this stuff together with were unfortunately really fucked-up and have now turned into full-time drug addicts.

But communicating with you guys is highly inspiring!

Just communicate here. That's why some of us stick around. I know for a fact I sucked in the beginning but these days I don't have a problem finding a lady. Thats one of the perks of pickup. Everything is up to you to improve. You don't need wingmen. I currently live with my roommate and I didn't find him until threee years later. He's my wingman now.

However, you don't need one. Nice to have, but not necessary.

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In a funk? Read this

pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this ... his%20game

Well. I'm committing right now. Time to seriously improve with this stuff. Short story: I'm now 33 years old. Was in a bad shit friend zone situation from I was 15 to I was 19 that marked me for life. We made out a lot of times but never had sex. Lost my virginity when I was 21 to someone I didn't care at all about. Was traumatized and shocked about everything with life and decided life as it is normally lived totally wasn't for me and became a celibate buddhist monk at the other side of the world when I was 24. Thought I was going to do it for the rest of my life, but decisions like that quickly change. Lasted for 2 years. Came back home and decided it was time to engage with women again. Thanks to PUA I've been in two relationships and had sex with 12 women now. I've like gone from being a totally and utterly fucked-up something to become like just a normal AFC. I'm still seriously haunted by friendzone and oneitis situations. Time to seriously take it to a level somewhere above just AFC way of living, whatever that is. Strong points: I'm like seriously a socially popular guy with lots of friends that attracts lots of women into my life, but when it comes to that first kiss something is like really really totally out of whack. Everything that happens before and after that kiss I'm somewhat comfortable with, but bridging that gap is like waaaaay toooo difficult for me.

So had my first meeting with a new wing-man today. He is going out with me tomorrow, or first thing as soon as he comes home from vacation if tomorrow doesn't work. I'm going out alone tonight, just to walk around in town, sarging without approaching, just to babystep myself back into this. (I HATE going out alone, so I have to do some test-rounds first).

You need to get over that, or your game will always be weak.

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Yeah, totally, that was encouraging to hear! Spoke with three different people during this round. Not hot babes. Just to ease into it. Felt good and uplifting. All three brightened up from the attention I gave them. Always before I've tried to pull other people along with me in this project. But I need to become a self-reliant agent.

Yeah, damn, I'm going to build this up from scratch this time. Steadily and consistently. Not just random periodic "hit and run attempts" at pick-up done out of desperation.

Nice!

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Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

My biggest mistakes/confusions around this so far has been:

- talking about pickup with people who are not interested (ie. trying to get their approval and often ending up in a time-consuming discussion/argument)
- seeking pickup advice from people who are not into pickup (easy to do when stuck in oneitis)
- seeing this as some kind of "all or nothing" game
- trying to pull other people with me instead of finding wing-men who are already self-motivated
- not using communities as this more frequently
- reading too much theory instead of going out into the field
- not being willing to do it alone
- in general making a way too big gap up in my head between where I am and where I want to be, instead of focusing on all the babysteps I can take every day to move things along.
- being waaaaay tooo neurotic about being "in the zone" or not being able to do pickup at all
- viewing pickup as some shady activity I have to resort to because I'm messed up, instead of seeing how lucky I am to have this fun opportunity to explore a lot of new social skills
- not being selective about which people I try to connect with around this
- AND being way too concerned about my reputation

I go out alone often about 80% of the time because most people fuck my game up.


The trick is to be a social guy and forget about pick up at first. You need to learn how to have conversation with random people.

Once you accomplish this the rest comes natural and easy. So for instance let's say you go out to a bar or a social gathering (what have you) and you are alone. The first thing you should be doing is social proofing yourself to the entire venue. You do this by jumping from group to group and talking to people. It's very easy if you are confident and congruent and SOBER.

Simple lines like , "Hey you guys got a good vibe I figured I'd say hi". Now you're in the set and it's not confrontational or weird. If you get some idiot guy or girl that asks shit like , "What do you want?, or "What are you doing here?" simple replies such as , "I like meeting new people". Re - frames you're not some creep. Anyhow, you should practice this long before pick up emphasis with girls. UNLESS - you are day gaming and are not in a social venue filled with people.

The reason this works is opening multi-sets of people earns you social value. (Also makes it as if you know everybody and are not alone) After you have social proofed the room a bit you are able to jump from set to set and introduce people if you want. From there you pick a target and escalate. Besides imagine your night in this scenario. You can freely jump from any group you want and all the women in the venue see you talking to everybody. It just looks attractive and appealing , plus your night won't be boring at all or lonely.

Also, as a side note choose your venues wisely. What I mean is choose somewhere you can actually speak and converse with people. If you choose a night club and the music is so damn loud people have to lean it, it's not going to be as effective as a bar with lounges and areas for people to talk. So keep that in mind. Those type of venues where you can converse as much is a whole different type of gaming and social dynamic.

Besides once you master this you will realize you can talk and open anyone you want to and it makes girls so damn easy.


So try this sometime and put the pick up aside until you social proof the room. I promise you , you will find everything easier once you focus on being a social attractive man and not a predator out seeking a vulnerable woman.

I disagree with all of this.

while it's cool to learn to bust into cliques and be social, i think it's approval seeking behavior in many instances.

A bull elk does not care what others outside of his job think of him. He does not feel like he has to "appease" a woman's group of friends, or worry about reputation. The bull elk knows he's the prize, and what his value is.

He is comfortable in his own skin, being alone at a bar. Because he knows he's capable of having a great time on his own. He lives socially in the moment.

A dominant, centered male can go into a bar alone, and not speak once to other men or women he has no interest in, yet still go home with a woman he's attracted to.

_________________
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Despite the stupid elk reference, I actually agree with Arch on this. Again, the whole "oh just be social" is no better than not trying. Go out alone. It has been years since anybody was confused or concerned or a jackass about meeting me while I am out alone.

Thank you guys, I appreciate the discussion

Was out doing small experiments with pickup wed, thu, fri and sat. Kissed with one girl on fri. Pretty satisfied with that. However I still have that tendency to try to adopt like a "stand in wing-man," and then I'm sort of stuck with him for the rest of the night and he pulls my game down, which is my mistake because I linger around in the comfort of hanging out with a newly recruited buddy, instead of going fully solo. I think I have much more to give, still holding back my potential way too much, but regarding my tendency towards "all or nothing" mentality I'll just continue to keep it nice and steady and see in which ways I can gradually increase my game. Also I just came back from some errands in town and one girl was obviously checking me out with her gaze. I found her very hot, and my intuition tells me there was mutual attraction between us. Wish I had the courage to act in those situations, but instead I just let them pass by. Perhaps in those situations, even if I don't act in the immediate moment, there is still an opening available if I run after her and manage to pull off in the right way something alone the lines "excuse me, I just noticed you a few moments ago and I just had to say hi." I believe me just focusing more intensely on this and being open in my energy to talking with a way larger crowd than usually, that some girls will pick up on that openness/readiness when they see me pass by. It is like walking around radiating confidence, fun and readiness for adventure instead of the usual absentminded fear and shame. Also I love going around to various art galleries and etc just talking with random people. This is going to become like a new social renaissance for me