About two times in the last two years, I have felt this extreme state change where I experienced huge confidence and happiness when going out.

Both these experiences happened before I ever heard about Pick-up:

#1: The first time happened on the way to a small house party. My friend earlier in the day gave me this phermone cologne and swore that it attracted ladies. I was skeptical but decided to try it for the hell of it. I get to the party and there is only one or two girls,and about seven other guys who were all trying to get this HB8 who I knew somwhat.

Anyways throughout the party I felt this beam of confidence and happiness. I was chatting up with this HB8 who before never gave me the time of the day, but tonight she seemed all over me. By the end of the night I was sitting on a chair alone watching her dance with this dweeby drunk guy, I wasn't worried at all. Soon enough she sits on this other chair right next to me and we just stare in each other's eyes for a few seconds and I knew it was on. I had the guts to tell her flat-out 'come over here and sit on my lap.' It was very natural and confident and I didn't think twice about saying it. She sat on my lap and we made out and fooled around for a long time.

#2 I just got some new shoes and was preparing to go out to a house party with a bunch of friends. I felt very happy before the party for some reason. I put on my new K Swiss shoes and flaunted them about joking about them. We went to the party and I felt very confident and happy, maybe it was the shoes. I was on that night, all my jokes seemed to hit, I talked to some girls I wasn't interested at the party. I wasn't in my head at all, wasn't concerned about girls but I was just in the moment.

By the end of the night this HB8 I was hanging with who was visiting town, who I knew only through my roommate, seemed all over me. She started cuddling with me but I had to kind of refuse eventually because she was banging one of my friends who was in the room, and he seemed really jealous and mad.


So these two experiences above other ones, I felt the best going out and nothing really phased me. I wasn't in my head, and I couldn't help but do everything right. Although I didn't get any F closes that specific night, I got heavy attraction which lead to future F closes and I generally felt very 'on.'

Now, the last time I felt this way, it was months ago, maybe 6. I can't seem to get to this state anymore, especially at a bar where I feel in my head too much and can't let loose. I don't know if the new cologne, or shoes started me to feel this way, or it was something else.

I was wondering how I can get back into this state consistently when I go out. I can't seem to will it to be and this happy confident state existed before I got to the parties so the party SPAM did not elicit my frame at all.

Any help?

It wasn't the shoes or the cologne.

'Remember, Dorothy embarked on a massive journey to search for the Wizard of Oz because she believed only he could help her get back home to Kansas. But in the end she HAD what she needed to get back home right from the start. (She was wearing the ruby slippers all the time.)'

Cliches aside, you make your frame what you want it to be. A PUA can go out looking the shit and rip it up, or he can stand in the corner all quiet and shit. Props, cologne or whatever are there to help, but they ain't no miracle cure.

If you focus too much on the end outcome, or how it was back then, it fucks up your night/day/week. In general, I find the less I'm focused on the end goal, the better the night is. In fact, you've practically said this yourself.

Yes it's a paradox but that's how the shit rolls...

SOLUTION?
Go out with the expectation the night is gonna be shit. Open sets...if you fuck up -laugh - because that's the goal, if you don't - great - that's a bonus.

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Tweedy, thanks for the advice.

Yea, i figured the props aren't needed, nothing external is dependent on this state, but I figured they helped me to get where I was and it should be noted.

The paradox seems very troubling to me since I KNOW it is a paradox which causes more doubt. Much like hypnosis only works if one wants to and believes in hypnotism.

I'm thinking if I focus more on the now, maybe reading "The Power of Now" and focusing on this state that I can achieve this confident, in the moment feeling again.