what's stopping my progress is i do some approaches, blame myself for anything wrong, and never do it again. for example,
"why did i say that? that was so creepy."
"i shouldn't have asked about her past relationships, i should have asked about her interests" << this happened today, i asked about her last boyfriend and she made up an excuse and left.
"dammit, i froze again"
"she walked away, she didn't even acknowledge me. bitch."

can you tell me this is just the pain of growing and nothing to worry about? i just need someone to tell me this. of course, only if it's true. dont tell me what i wanna hear, tell me the truth. is this just the pain of growing? should i develop a thick skin and be prepared for it to happen more?

thick skin bro. Most of us have it here. Which is why we troll you . Get used to it and laugh it off.

Did you cancel your gym membership yet ?

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Bartm, go back to the thread you'd addressed to me on how you danced like a retard and couldn't give any less fucks.

Remember, Bart? That was what, a week or so ago?

Reframe.

But to give you the validation you're looking for, I can do that. Yes, you're supposed to feel a bit silly, its ok. We all do. Its whether you allow it to immobilize you or not which will make the difference in the end. Be bold.

It's a win win situation. You either succeed or you learn.

thanks guys. i do approaches pretty much once a month because of this. i do it one day, and when i make mistakes i start getting depressed "i am an idiot, what i said there was so bad, dammit i blanked out again" and i will stop approaching for a month. i suspected this is just the process of growing but wanted to make sure.

mr. assertive, i did not cancel my gym membership yet

n2, i am not sure what dancing retarded has to do with this. what do you mean by "reframe"?

melodical, you're right. i have realized that too. every approach that i do, i learn something, no exceptions.

Can you tell me a little bit more about this situation?

And yes, Assertive made a good point of having a thick skin. Girls can't help themselves, they find this trait very attractive when you become resilient to her negative comments.

_________________
Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

You're feeling nervous, and when this happens and the interaction isn't a success (in your mind) you go up into your head, and your internal Jackal takes over "You should have said this/you shouldn't have said that...". You judge, criticize, and evaluate yourself - your inner critic becomes ever-present.

Give yourself empathy for trying, and acknowledge that you have a bit of an unhealthy internal dialogue, accept it and that those voices will gradually diminish with more experience and then go onto the next girl.

You know bart, I highly recommend that you read some of Stephen Covey's books, especially ones on the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern. Here, I'll outline this for you.

1. Take out a sheet of paper.
2. Draw a big circle taking up the entire page.
3. Draw a smaller circle inside the bigger circle somewhere towards the bottom of the circle.
4. Label the outter circle: Circle of Concern.
5. Write down EVERYTHING that concerns you. Whatever you're worried about right now in life, whatever is bothering you right now at this moment.
6. Label the inner circle: Circle of Influence.
7. Look at what you wrote in the outer circle. Copy only the points that are 100% WITHIN YOUR CONTROL into the inner circle.

For example, when I first did this exercise, I had written stuff down like "wanting a girl to like me" and "wanting my gf to be loyal" and "wanting to become successful in life" and "taking huge fucking action towards things I'm passionate about" etc. I had 15-20 things I was concerned about in my outer circle, and only 3-4 of those things made it into my inner circle / Circle of Influence, for example "take huge fucking action towards things I'm passionate about" made it into my inner circle but NOT "become successful in life", cause I don't know 100% that I will be successful, but I do know 100% that I can take huge fucking action every day to help me get there. Nothing about women made it into the inner circle (at least directly) because that shit we can't control.

Once you do this exercise, only concern yourself and put most of your time to stuff within your control. As for the concerns outside, accept that shit, realize that even if it were true, those are external factors and you won't let them define who you are. Then go take fucking action and don't worry so much about rejection or wondering if she thought you were creepy etc., cause who the fuck cares? Keep improving and keep going at it.

Cross, I have already purged that memory and don't want to think about it.

nr32, thanks for this. Realizing that a lot of things are out of my hands really helps. I used to go to a lot of spiritual/how to live a better life lectures and one speaker once said the same thing, he said the only thing that you have control over is trying your best, the rest is out of your hands. I didn't really understand what he was talking about until now.

I give you by the end of the week to come back with some other excuse.

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