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Hey guys, I'm not in the right frame of mind right now, so I would appreciate input from someone more experienced.
There's this girl I've been seeing for a few months. Today she brought up the "what exactly is this relationship" question, and I told her exactly how I felt -- that I considered her a girlfriend.
To that, she said "I see."
Probably not the response you were hoping for.
So I asked her how she felt, and she said that she wanted it as well.
That you had to ask is quite telling.
She went on to say that she's worried because she doesn't feel as excited as I am, that when she mentions me to someone else she just wishes that she was more excited.
Curious to know how often you guys are seeing each other, and in general how often do you interact (e.g. text, phone calls, FB etc)?
She also said that she's worried about the future, that she doesn't want this to end, and that she's worried it'll end since none of her friendships have lasted. A lot of insecurities, I suppose.
She has some concerns towards feeling desired. An MJ Demarco quote comes to mind from his book Millionaire Fastlane -“To attract money is to forget about money: Want to make big bucks? then start attracting money instead of chasing it. Money is like a mischievous cat; if you chase it around the neighborhood, it eludes you. It hides up a tree, behind the rose bush, or in the garden. However, if you ignore it and focus on what attracts the cat, it comes to you and sits in
your lap.” Replace "money" with any object of desire, in this case women. Same applies, and yes this parallels Cat String Theory.
Build a sense of mystery and intrigue about you. I am not saying become aloof towards her, but don't be so available. And when you hangout plan some things to get the excitement level up, in addition to the other commonly suggested things such as fucking her good, being sexually suggestive at times *discretely* in public to get her juices flowing (e.g., hand on upper inner thigh during a movie or under the table at dinner, whispering what you want to do to her and how she turns you on, sneaking a quick kiss on the nape of her neck etc).
She's saying she's bored, really. Put another way, she's not feeling DESIRED. For women, DESIRE how you build attraction. Its the the strongest force a woman can experience in terms of making her feel sexy. Do this, but don't be vulgar and overly direct about it, rather be suggestive and 'taunt'/lightly tease, pull back have her wanting more, and then continue at an uneven tempo to keep her a bit off-kilter wondering what's next and when. This is how you build tension and satiate her need to feel desired.
Now, as much as I love my now official "girlfriend", her lack of optimism and overall uncertainty towards the relationship wasn't exactly what I envisioned, and I don't know if I should end it right here and now to save myself a future heartbreak. What would you do in my position? She wants to meet up tonight, but I think I'm going to instead give her some space to think (and space for myself to think).
You're liking this girl, so ending it u'll only regret wondering if you did this differently would the outcome be different. So, take it as a learning opportunity as she's TELLING you clearly what she wants, and giving you the opportunity to do it. Re-calibrate, shift gears. Start building that mystery and intrigue I'd talked about above. Be THAT guy, TAKE the lead (she's wanting you to), rather than shy away and run because you succumb to fear. Don't give her time to THINK, she's not a GUY, she's a woman and women are EMOTIONAL attuned creatures of the moment. If you give her an experience she'll never forget, that's whats going to make it easier for her to be decisive in wanting to jump into your arms (and onto your cock). She's guiding you because she wants this to work and wants you to man-up and do something about this. Giving her space and moving away from her is exactly the opposite and will likely signal to her that you aren't the guy for her and she'll simply move onto another who's willing to take the reigns.
Your move cowboy.
Think of desire as oxygen to keep a flame going. You want to stoke the flame to make it burn more at times, and other times just keep it steady.
When a guy pulls back (due to his own fear of rejection) he's doing the opposite in such an instance, and essentially stops providing the oxygen for that flame. Now, if he's pulling back because he's been too available that's a bit of a different thing altogether, in which case he's provided too much oxygen to the flame and it begins to die-down due to over-exposure. In your case it seems like the fire is a bit oxygen deprived.
Here's what you're going to do.
You're going to meet her tonight, with a renewed sense of energy about you. Plan something nice where the two of you can be intimate. DISCARD any notion of her losing interest, and just focus on the moment with her. Take her for wine and appies, and a walk somewhere nice and romantic if its warm bring a blanket set it down on a beach or at the park look at the stars, or go back to yours and lick her like a drippy ice cream on a hot summer day, get your fingers up in there like you're like an asian kid at an origami contest before you plug her.
CHAT
