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BUT here is the thing. this kind of advice is like telling a cancer patient "stop having cancer. just stop it"
No, it's not. Your analogy suffers from hyperbolism -- your situation is in no way so dire. Telling you to evaluate your actions with your intentions is not the same thing as telling a cancer patient to stop having cancer.
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guess what? next time I talk to a girl, I am still trying to impress.
If you tell me to be more confident, to stop seeking validation, to live in my own world instead of someone else's world, to stop being needy, all of that is great, but it doesn't help.
It's a process, bart. The more you immerse yourself around this ideology, the more your mindset will change. At first it is a conscious decision -- when you sit there wondering what to say, and you decide to say something because you think it'll impress her -- stop yourself. When you spot yourself doing something needy, stop. It's an action you can
consciously make. Whereas you can't tell yourself to "stop having cancer" because that won't make it go away -- stop fucking exaggerating things, talking to women isn't that big of a deal.
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I need to change. I need to somehow BECOME a man who genuinely doesn't care, who genuinely doesn't seek validation, who is genuinely not needy.
As RC, n2, Jack, Mr. A, Heywood, neo and all the other guys on this forum mention all the time, you need to DO -- take action, bart. That's how you become. Kaizen.
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gym doesn't help, I have been going every day for the past week and no changes.
You clearly aren't going to the gym for the right reasons based on the above quote. Everything you do, bart, is needy. You think going to the gym or reading a few posts on this forum will magically fix all of your problems? It won't. Going to the gym is how you show care for yourself and your health and your well-being.
If you're going there to impress girls, you're already being needy even with the fucking gym, bart.