Well as it seems I am a impulsive person

do shit without thinking them threw now its been 2 days since this post was made and I just cant stop doing this shit bleh..I am such a quiter

shiit..as it seems half of the stuff I do ive done befor, thats what is fucking it up, inner conflict, evil vrs good, I just love beeing a evil prick, twisting and turning fucking with peoples heads..might be schizo shiit I dont know

Anyway, let me go deeper and tell you what made me deside to quit its not the material its me, its not what the message here is, its my persona, I am what I am not proud to claim all this but to be honest, and I am beeing honest now..for the very first time in a long time, its sad really that this is the only place where I can be completly honest.
Recently, about a year back ive been fighting myself, lets call it inner conflict, I grew tired, ohh so tired of always beeing nice, always beeing polite, fuck that I never was that person to begin with, someone changed me and I allowed myself to change, ive always been the guy fucking taken girls, making people see me as a great guy was my strength, but as I would like to say no good deed goes unpunished, I made sure of that, for everything nice I did for you, I made you give me back 10 times, not by making you feel guilty about the shit I did, but by tricking you into beliveing that it was your decision to start with, making you think you were the nice person, you came up with every idea, every great thing you ever did was planted in your mind by me threw geastures, laughter and false joy and hope, I gave you all this..and when I saw time fit I took it back, with intresst.
I am not nice, polite..thats what you think, like the frog carrying the scorpion over the river, its in the scorpions nature, to fuck you up even if he dies when he does, he cant change, its his nature.
Anyway, now for the first time in my entire life I am giving up an oportunity to cause havoc and pain, I refuse to be the person fucking lifes up not anymore, I dont want to be that guy, the guy everyone hates, without even knowing it.
What made me want to change, no girl, no friend..myself I wanted to change, the apearence of an old victim and how she still smiled and felt joy when she saw me, poor thing never understood I was the one for her agony.
Therefor I saw fit that I forget everything ive learned about pickup, I dont need more tools to fuck with peoples heads, I do fine without it.
Now I might have given you guys I loathe the person I am right now and the person ive been, its the otherway around, I just saw how much pain ive caused, and for what? for my own satisfaction, for a memory? Even today I dont know why I did most things, I dont like hurting people, its just something I do without even realizing that I am doing it.
So today I am giving up on completly socialy destroying a person which I dont like to start with, I am proud that I am doing all this, ohh so proud, but yet I am tempted into causing her pain, and enjoy seeing her broken and tormented, just need to hold tight, and not tricking her into sleeping with me..its hard, sooo hard but fuck it think ill make it, wish me luck.
SF