Hi guys,

New here. I introduced myself a few days ago. an-intro-and-the-story-of-the-playboy-m ... 92215.html

Some of you suggested I work on inner game, so I'm here to tackle the most destructive, all-consuming limiting belief. I'd be grateful for any feedback you guys would like to offer.

On a conscious level, I know that I'm an intelligent, attractive guy. But I was very sensitive as a teenager and was deeply traumatized by a few rejections. Suicidal, even. That gave me a feeling that my ego was fragile, and so even when very attractive women give me IOIs, I don't approach them. I avoid them, because that's the only way to avoid rejection and the emotional agony that comes with it.

So the most formidable limiting belief is this: I'm not strong enough to bounce back from rejection. I may not be happy being single, but at least I'm not miserable on a suicidal scale, like I was when I was 18. I may be lonely, but there's always TV and movies and alcohol to get my self-loathing ass through the day.

The new belief: Rejection will make me stronger. I dread it, but it's my salvation. And my willingness to risk rejection will make me irresistible to women. The confidence I gain from conquering this fear will benefit every aspect of my life.

In the future that starts now, I will risk rejection, just for the thrill of it. I will find the humor in it. I will come to enjoy it, even. Soon it will have no power over me.

(Like I said, I'm new at this. But is that the way the exercise works?)

give up on the REASON to be liked by woman cause they find it as needy... instead be your self... be intelligent and talk about ideas and concepts that are interesting. In order for you to f-close a girl with in minutes... you have to give up on any imaginary outcome that you have in your head.

You have never been rejected its just bad timing or you may have jumped the gun before they were at your page... its nothing personal...

Watch Legend of Bagger Vance... i think its called... getting into a girl's pants is as easy as finding your authentic swing... but obviously there are other things that you need to overcome once you reach that goal... study zen buddism and get your inner game up... battle the demon and harness it... cause the demon will help you take panties off any woman you desire... but first you need to find authentic swing... your limiting belief is ultimately your UNlimitting belief...

Get money, get a job, get therapy.

Thanks, Dr. Phil, for sharing your wisdom. Clearly, a guy who goes to an Inner Game forum to ridicule the posters must be a picture of mental health. If only we were all so blessed!

Man, rejection is a part of it. Some women are married, some are pregnant and some are not interested.

I think that rejection is actually a good thing, because it tells you that you are on a good way.

Nothing in life is for free, and if the price for having a relationship are few rejection at the beginning, then why not pay it.

If you think about it, then the more times you get rejected the more women you can finally choose from!

And also, every approach you make improves your game.

Who says I was making fun of you? I think a lot of times depression can be linked to certain circumstances. One of the things that can cause the greatest amount of depression is money and isolation. I my self have anxiety when in large groups. Don't think it something you can do alone. This is a serious problem that you need help sorting through. Therapy is not a BAD thing; get that thought out of your head. Therapy helps to sort through some things with professional and neutral advice. Often time’s health insurance covers this, check and see if you can get a sliding scale and get some cheap therapy. It’s what I did. And stop being so damn sensitive, it truly can't be good for you. I'm creating a self help group outside of PUA. You’re welcome to join if you want. Just let me know in this topic if you wish to join.

Sincerely,

Gaius

Sorry about that, Gaius. Heh, can you tell I'm a little touchy about this?

It's funny, because when you're wrestling with a limiting belief like the one above, when it's the source of so much frustration and disappointment, you actually become protective of it. And so you're offended by anyone who suggests it can be resolved simply.

That being said, I have a job, although it's not one I'm very happy with. I have money but not enough. Isn't that everyone's predicament?

I've tried therapy, too, but it didn't take. My sister, who's a year older, has the same self-esteem issues (yay genetics!), and therapy has been a huge portion of her expenses over the past decade, with virtually no results.

The one thing I have now that I haven't had is time. In the past, I've worked so hard that I rarely met people outside my job. And so before I dive back into work mode, I would like to work on myself, facing some of my biggest fears.

Thanks to everyone who offered advice above. Everything you say makes sense, but the problem is that this is an irrational fear, so I need something more powerful than logic. Something that can override all the fight or flight alarms that go off in the moments when I know I've got to make a move on a woman.

It seems like you want some magical solution that will get rid of the fear of rejection. Unfortunately, there is no real solution for your problem, except to face your problem head-on, which means dealing with getting rejected. I have a similar problem as you, and by getting rejected multiple times it has made me feel more comfortable with rejection.

This solution is very similar to exercising. If you want to see results, you will have to go through pain, and depending on your body type, you may have to go through excruciating pain to see results. Eventually, you have to deal with your fear of rejection if you ever want to see results. For you it is going to hurt, there is no way around that. You will feel discouraged and you will probably feel like there is no point in continuing trying. However, even though you feel like you are rock bottom shit from being rejected, you need to MAN THE FUCK UP and keep going out and gaming and probably continue to get rejected. Finding the courage to keep trying is something a lot of people can't do. The majority of the human population feels rejection and pain and will be discouraged. This why there are so many unhealthy fatasses in the word, they just can't handle the pain they have to go through to exercise. This is why also why there are so many unhappy couples, people will feel so discouraged that they just "settle" for someone they don't desire.

That is the only way to rid your extreme fears of rejection. It won't be easy. But if you do somehow find the strength to approach, get rejected, and repeat, you will see results, your game will get better, and you will learn to got give a shit about rejection. Because let me tell you, when you get rejected, you will realize nobody around you will judge you or give a shit, they will be too busy being self-conscious themselves. The girl won't even remember you or care. If you meet her again with better game she will give you another chance. You will realize that your life won't even be hurt from a rejection.

But you won't realize any of this until you grow the balls to start facing your fears of being rejected. Honestly, you may never get the courage and will probably continue being an AFC begging for help on the forum that won't help you. Don't feel bad about it, 90% of men will never get the strength to go out and fail over and over again. But, if you do somehow just tell yourself "fuck it, I'm going out there gaming, and I won't quit because of a trivial rejection" and start making that one approach you fear so much, you will already be with the top 10% of men. Eventually, you won't be rejected, and you WILL get a close, and you will feel like you just boned the entire world. Also, if any chode gives you shit about being rejected by that HB10, well, stop caring about the bottom 90%.

You choose what you want your life to be like.

Wow this is a long post. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is the reality. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

We also cover financial planning skills and making plans. You need to alter something and make a plan bro to be honest.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BREAKING RULE #2 and #9

I don't see it as a limiting paradigm. I got a plan and I'm about to make my money over bitches homie. I'm about my money now, and by mid next year I'll have a shit car I can drive my self to the mall with. I'm on my hustle and focus. I know my true limitations and problems. I don't get out the house enough, and it has killed my game. People might not want to think it’s that, but it has been that. I recognized this and fixed this problem. Now I know what to do, I have and plan, and I'm about my money. Again, money over bitches.

Hollah,

Gaius

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BREAKING RULE #2 and #9

Dude! Simple!

Do a hundred approaches! Depression is out of the window and after the first 25 you feel like you couldn't give a fuck!

Ha-ha I know it’s popularly held belief in the community that money isn't important and it’s not to an extent, but being able to do shit for your self is priceless. That's what PUA is about. Being able to do things does not just include talking to women, but being an independent and stable guy. Fuck all the conventional wisdom about this. Sure you CAN be broke and do this. And hell, I would if I could.

I live in the middle of corn fields near a quarry. So when I say, I need a car, I really fucking need one. I live in an isolated place; the nearest mall is about 10 miles away on either side. And I would gladly take my bike and ride it there if it wasn't smack dab in the middle of one of the largest and most bike unfriendly roads in the state. There are no sidewalks, no bike lanes, nothing. Same shit with the other mall. Sometimes I can go to my local town mall if my parents loan me some bus fare. But my father just lost his job. How much longer can I continue to financially hurt my family? Am I full of shit? Nope, when I say I’m broke, with no way around, that’s what I really mean. Yeah occassionally someone fills generous enough to extend their arms and help. I really appreciate it when people do that. Had people that used to help me try and pick-up all phonies and fakes I ditched to the way side. So I try my best to get out and do things on my on. Instead of bitch I came up with solutions.


So unlike all these other guys who bull shit you and chief, through you loops as to why they can't do shit, I'm being 100% and legit. My ass is trapped. Now I'll admit, when I was in school I didn't do as much as I could, but I worked with what I had. Closed lots of girls and got no where. Trying pushing and flew off edges. This isn't an excuse not to try, but it gave me the motivation to pick a new environment where I didn't already have a bad rep. When I went to skill, I had to pick two days I went. And while I was there I made approaches and number closed plenty of girls.

But outside of school, I never got to practice. Only did night game twice, and that was seriously the closest I ever was to sex. In fact I was in the closet in the back making out and rubbing ass when the cops came. I KNOW I was close, and I KNOW I would’ve been successful. But fuck worrying about the past; it’s about here and now right? That’s what the community says.

I admit there are many things I can work on. But women are the least of my concerns as of now hobbit. So like I said Earlier, unlike the rest of these clowns who shit you, chief, and the rest of these mods, I made a fucking plan and you know it. This isn’t about disrespecting women or being on bull shit. This is about opening doors and making opportunities for my own damn self. I never expected it to be any other way.

And the reason I post all this stuff on the site is so other guys can see that there are more options than being broke, not having a job, and or being trapped in the house. It has everything to do with PUA, because how in the fuck do you expect someone with no money or no way of getting around to game? This is some shit that is just not highlighted in the seduction community, and I will not stop highlighting it until the issue becomes known and is apart of the solution in helping guys become able to game.

Label this what you will, I label it as some sort of attack, its not. It’s filled with rage and discontent at the lack of respect this topic is getting. However, it is not with in the realm of PUA to get a shit. I will continue my journal and continue to give men inspiration and hope. I think PUA should start taking a holistic approach to helping men, and if it doesn't then I will take that approach.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BREAKING RULE #2 and #9

A few things:

lilzh4ng: Thanks a million for your input, harsh or not. I didn't realize until you said it that I was taking shelter in this notion that my approach anxiety is an irrational fear, and so it's unmanageable. Yes, that is a major fundamental limiting belief. Total self-deluding chickenshit. I should be ashamed to overlook something so obvious, but mostly I'm grateful to have figured this out, with some help. The beauty of these anonymous message boards is that people can be brutally honest with one another, and so I'm glad you didn't pull any punches.

Gaius: I've checked out your journal, and I sympathize with you. You've got a tough road, no doubt. But please resist the urge to steer this thread to a discussion of your plight. There's already a thread for that.

On a more constructive note, I think you need to acknowledge like I have that you've come up with a lot of reasons for not facing your fears. I suggest you think of it this way: All these obstacles between where you are now and the man that you want to be, they will just make it that much sweeter when you triumph against them.

Nothing worth having ever came easy. So get your AFC ass on a bike or a bus and make it happen. Because it sure sounds like you want us to legitimize all that makes you avoid facing your fears. If we did that, we wouldn't be doing you much good.

In any case, I wish you luck.