| I have learned a lot of techniques for dealing with pain from the past and I would say that, yes, your problem will take time, but there is a way to speed up the process. Okay....i've never really put this into words...so I'll do my best to explain it. I don't know if u've heard of David Deangelo. He is an excellent source for building ur inner game. His cd set called on being a man was very inspiring. He's definitely the best guru for inner game. In that cd set, he said something that had a huge effect on me. It's a technique called "following the grief down." Basically, he says that men don't feel enough emotions, and that emotions are critical. The more emotions you have, the more alive u are and the more motivation u have. For men, grief is the doorway to emotions.
In that cd set, he and Dr. Paul recommend reliving your griefs, and feeling the pain of it as much as u can, while still reframing them with ur new beliefs to squeeze all of the pain out of your bad experiences and using that energy to build a life of much richer emotions. Just like Dr. Paul says, anger and anxiety are the two main "negative emotions", but they're not necessarily bad emotions at all, otherwise the wouldn’t have survived through evolution. You’re supposed to use your anger as a tool for assertiveness. That’s the reason it exists. Anxiety is a tool for confidence. And the fact that u might have a lot of it, could be a very good thing, depending on whether u use it for the right things. There’s a diagram about that on Dr. Paul’s website. You’re gonna have to look at it urself, because it’s kind of a lot to explain. But the point is that as long as u are both positive and active about anger and anxiety, they will benefit u. You need to learn reframing (changing the context in which u view things). David D teaches that and NLP does. What I’ve discovered is that one mechanism that has evolved in ur mind for survival during evolution is that ur mind shifts back and forth from “positive filter mode” to “negative filter mode.” Basically, in order to motivate you to do things that helped u survive during evolution days, your mind shifted back and forth from viewing all the good things to viewing all the bad things. So, when you are having a complex cycle, you have no point in analyzing things in that context because your unconscious mind just keeps throwing negative things at u. I do something that is like tricking my unconsious mind.
Now, I’m at the point that whenever I don’t wanna feel a bad emotion and I have the chance to concentrate, I can turn back into a good mood every time if I don’t wanna feel it. What I do is I think, “All right. Here’s a bad emotion. Here’s a chance for me to get stronger, more motivated and more alive.” And it actually works, every time. It’s all about reframing. Reframing can fix anything.
Another thing is I found out that no matter how high status u are, your mind will still go back and forth from positive filter to negative filter, because that’s what evolved for u to be able to live like u do. It’s like emotions are drugs that ur mind is addicted to, and after too much chemicals from positive emotions, ur brain will crave pity. What a really good thing to do is, since ur brain will shift to negative mode anyway, is to intentionally think about the bad things for a designated period of time, so ur brain gets its fill for negative emotions. So, you can have a “pity party,” as Sean calls it from double ur dating, where you think about all the bad things and start feeling sorry for urself. And during that process, you think in the back of ur mind that u are doing a good thing by feeling those emotions and investing them into ur life instead of trying to avoid them. What it is is tricking your unconscious mind. It is getting its hit from the pity, but you’re still not feeling bad, because you know you are benefiting from it. So, before you go out, have one of those pity parties. That way, not only will ur brain not feel the need to go back into negative filter mode, but you will also be more aware, alive, and you will be able to see the useful, attractive emotions in ur face that u just generated. Just as ur brain will get tired of feeling positive emotions, if u give it a lot of pity, it will get tired of that too. You can set a timer for one hour of pity, and then commit to feeling good. And I’m telling you, by going back and feeling that grief. It will run out. And it will give u a life much richer of emotions, which will make u more attractive to women and be more motivated for everything else. And once you squeeze the grief out of ur bad experiences, they will mean nothing to u, because emotions are what cause meaning. The more emotions u feel for something the more it means to u. Just like u don’t care about a bum on the street calling u a retard, if ur boss calls u a retard, he’ll cause a lot more bad emotions, because you perceive him as much more MEANINGFUL. Get on being a man from DYD. BTW, you should really listen to Sean’s success story on double your dating. It was extremely inspiring for me. He’s a guy in a wheel chair that broke like 88 bones and is still pickin up chicks. He’s a motivational speaker. He had a great speech about beliefs. Buy cocky comedy from DYD. He’s also in approaching women in DYD. Listening to ppl with much bigger disadvantages than u makes u feel more confident.
Also picture that you probably live in the US, which means life was much much easier for u. It is all a matter in how u frame (picture) the situation. If u live in the us in the 21st century, you have no right to complain. Everything else is in ur head. And there are more than enough phycological tools to solve any problem like that. I’m sure basically all of ur pain was created by your own mind. Reframing and going out despite ur past will solve that. BTW, read Radical Honesty. Amazing book. It talks about how the majority of deaths in the us are caused by lying to urself. It talks about being radically honest in every way. The biggest thing I got from it was that standards and ideals of the way things should be make u feel more “secure” of what situation u are in…that’s why people join the punk crowd or the goth crowd etc. But you need to reject standards in general. They are in fact, what kill u, literally. They are merely ideals. There is no such thing as a loser, or perfect, or prep. Those are all labels people use to make them feel more sure about the world. The book says the reject all those labels and just live. What other people think is none of ur business. Whoever has the stronger frame absorbs the other persons in his own reality. Make other people a guest in ur reality, not the other way around.
People follow those with the strongest beliefs. The book says that when you are born you have no distinctions in ur mind. This time is called unity…The book says that whatever u think u are is not really who u are until u stop believing in the ideals and labels that u were sucked into by society and make ur own beliefs and build on and then you once again achieve unity. That is when u find out ur true self. As Freud said, Reality is distorted from the beginning, so there’s no reason taking anything too seriously. Plus, you only think with 10 percent of ur brain….and ur brain is always trying to manipulate u. Since ur brain is so limited in reality u have no reason to take anything too seriously. Whenever u try to predict someone’s behavior in a complex situation….you are almost always wrong because ur brain is not actually all that smart. It’s actually pretty stupid. So theres no point in overanalyzing. Plus, u should never care what other people think, because ironically the only thing that makes them think bad is u caring what they think. Giving others the authority to label u is the only reason they do. They reason people hang on to labels is that it gives them a sense of security…At first it’s a little uncomfortable not knowing exactly who you are. But it gives u a lot more freedom and happiness. Be like the Beetles and let it be. And anytime u wanna make a new belief just write it down and repeat it enough times and it will become true. After all, that’s the only way beliefs become true. That’s the only reason the Puritans believed in witches. Are u gonna be manipulated in the same way? Use hypnosis and music to motivate yourself and your beliefs. They are very powerful. Don’t ever let anyone else tell u who you are. You rely on yourself for ur own security. Another thing is that if u can’t put a thought into words, then it’s not based on anything. So if u feel bad about yourself, try to put it into words. If ur not putting ur thoughts into words during a complex then the only thing controlling it is ur unconscious mind. And during a negative filter it’s just gonna feed u shit. Also, reframe every bad thing u perceive into a positive how-to question. If u ask urself negative questions ur unconscious mind will respond negatively accordingly, because u are framing the thought to negative mode. And if it’s not in words, you’ll just be fed a random though that u have no control over which depends on your mood. Here’s an example. Don’t think “How can I not look like a loser.” Instead think “How do I look like the coolest guy in the club.” Every time u need to reframe because ur mind will answer in the same kind of mood. Okay, and finally, keep in mind that when u approach a woman, you’re not fearing her or what she thinks, but of death. If u haven’t heard of that, go to youtube and listen to mystery talk about why men are afraid of the approach. Use quotes and success stories to motivate u too. Anyway, I hope I’ve helped…I didn’t actually mean to write this much, but I’m glad I did if this helps you. I know probably some of this is unclear. As I said, I never really talk about this. If u have any questions, just ask.
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CHAT
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