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I'm still kind of new to this but would building up be opening "warm up" sets? i feel like just talking to some friends who are girls will do just as much good if not more since i'm already more comfortable and confident around them.
disarming is something i haven't really looked into because when it backfires, it's a bitch. i've only really done it when im in the zone.
when i say im usually not loud, i mean that i usually don't have much to say unless i'm gaming a girl. so i'll be really talkative when im alone with the girl. it'll be a good time. but when i'm in a group, i'm less talkative and more quiet. then i get caught up in my thoughts which is bad but its hard to avoid. i end up thinking how this inconsistency would appear to the girl, what i should say to contribute or take control of the conversation etc. and this pretty much screws me
Yes open easy sets at first if you want, mixed is best or three-sets if just girls. A lot of gurus mention 2 sets as being hard, but they sometimes fail to mention WHY. There's a lot of reasons, but one is they can get snappy trying to figure out who is your interest between them, and the tension can build. You don't want to open your friends, you need that "I just talked to a stranger" feeling to ease away, even other guys and bartenders. Get in a social groove, and it'll just flow out naturally from then on.
Disarming requires a good (read GOOD) amount of confidence and trained body language. I've disarmed BF's (and others) before, but it really just depends. For example my last attempt on saturday caused a C&B on a HB with her friend, I went a little overboard and he got hurt (but he was the super sensitive type) and alienated her. You just keep trying, or just ignore the guy if he's trying to be the Alpha, instead of callin' him out as a tool (nicely).
Yeah that quiet thing is lack of congruence and identity, in her eyes. I'm the same as you though, I get lost in my own thoughts, or metaphorically trip over ideas as they come up. I've had to learn to be like a dual-process, what's inside is running, what's outside is running, parallel. I think Savoy said he uses the sound of a phone ringing to a quick body language check and cold read, I try to use any loud impulses (laughter, cough, etc) to snap back into a conversation if I am dragging. If you're lacking stuff to talk about, wait til they are done, or pause and say "that's awesome..." and run off about something that reminded you off, with lots of energy. If you say "hey I also did that the other day..." or something, soft, you get ignored and your confidence just hit the floor. just warm up on "i dont care if i get blown out on these" sets. if you talk like they need to hear what you're saying, they'll listen.